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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go for this meal

34 replies

Ciaram55 · 19/12/2021 06:24

There are 4 of us who meet up regularly, usually for a meal. We have had a table booked for Thursday night for a while now. I've told one of the friends I'm too worried about covid to go now because of the faster spread. She thinks I'm being over cautious and "ridiculous" for not wanting to go. After all I've "had my jabs" according to her.

What does everyone think, aibu to not go. I can't bear the thought of getting poorly right on Christmas.

OP posts:
invisiblereally · 19/12/2021 06:26

Ofc you should go.
Are you really planning to hibernate inside until Xmas? (Not visit shops either?)
A meal out with 4 friends you see regularly is hardly high risk...

KatherineJaneway · 19/12/2021 06:31

I would've cancelled by now. I'm not having my Christmas spoiled for the sake of a meal you can have in January.

Original poster
Ciaram55 · 19/12/2021 06:34

I know I sound ridiculous but I do suffer with health anxiety. In the past I've caught things in pubs around Christmas time and low and behold come Christmas Eve i start to feel poorly.

OP posts:
DreamerSeven · 19/12/2021 06:40

@invisiblereally

Ofc you should go. Are you really planning to hibernate inside until Xmas? (Not visit shops either?) A meal out with 4 friends you see regularly is hardly high risk...
Does seeing the same people regularly really cut the risk of catching covid from them? And which restaurants do you eat at where there are no other staff or customers capable of passing on covid too?

I’d cancel, I’d not want to risk being ill over Christmas either OP

CoffeeMuggins · 19/12/2021 06:45

@invisiblereally

Ofc you should go. Are you really planning to hibernate inside until Xmas? (Not visit shops either?) A meal out with 4 friends you see regularly is hardly high risk...
Did you not have your morning coffee yet? Just wondering...
CoffeeMuggins · 19/12/2021 06:45

@Ciaram55

I know I sound ridiculous but I do suffer with health anxiety. In the past I've caught things in pubs around Christmas time and low and behold come Christmas Eve i start to feel poorly.
You don't sound remotely ridiculous.
Hippywannabe · 19/12/2021 07:10

I am just about to cancel my only night out with friends I haven't seen since September. There is a remote possibility that my sister may be released from hospital for a few days, she has been in there since end of August.
I just can't take a chance of passing something on.

NotJustACigar · 19/12/2021 07:12

You don't sound ridiculous at all. Your friend sounds not too bright, manipulative, and ridiculous.

Gigglebert · 19/12/2021 07:16

We've cancelled everything "non essential" as we are desperate to get to Christmas Day covid free so we can get together with family. I've lost three grandparents in the last 21 months since covid started and my family have been unable to be all together at any point in that time, I'm one of four and it's very rare to manage to all be in the same room! We have prioritised Christmas Day over meals with friends/a trip to see Santa/drinks with colleagues. If I could miss work next week (high school teacher) I absolutely would. I'm not scared of being ill with covid but I'm worried about missing our celebration of the three lives lost and of not being able to be there on Christmas Day to support my remaining grandparent who is still grieving after her loss last month.

Everyone's priorities are different and no one should be judged for doing what is right for them. Have a lovely Christmas x

catwomandoo · 19/12/2021 07:19

Socialising in the run up to Christmas is all about priorities I think. For instance if you have people coming on Xmas day, or are seeing someone very special you haven't seen for ages, then you'll want to reduce risk of covid cancellation by deprioritising and cancelling people you see all the time, in the run up.

If Xmas day is just you at home, then you might just say sod it, I'll take the risk.

In your circumstances I'd cancel. Omicron is very contagious. My works do last week, in a 200 person indoor venue, over 15 people out of 45 came out with covid. Shock mainly young fit healthy people too and all vaccinated.

I hope you get to see your sis and have a lovely time Xmas Smile

Squeezita · 19/12/2021 07:23

YANBU, no one should be made to feel ridiculous for their choices.

Will your friend be able to help you if you get Covid? No, she will shrug her slopey shoulders.

So ignore her and do what is right for you.

Billandben444 · 19/12/2021 07:23

We're prioritising Christmas after last year and I'd certainly cancel/postpone. We're testing regularly and are going shopping double masked with tasers in case anyone gets close (that bit's a joke). Come the New Year, come the lockdown, come covid - so be it.

Luckingfovely · 19/12/2021 07:27

I'm not sure what the pp who said you should go is sniffing.

One of my DC tested positive on Friday, and I've spent the last 24 hours cancelling a full 10 days worth of Christmas fun, activities, parties, friends, and ultimately, the big Christmas with family. By the time the rest of us catch it, we'll probably be cancelling New Year's Eve too.

And I could just bloody sob, mostly for the poor DC who have lost so much to look forward to.

I really don't recommend it to anyone. Stay safe.

maddening · 19/12/2021 07:28

If you go on Thursday, even if you caught it you would not impact the 3 Christmas days surely?

What is the restaurant like? If it is big with high ceilings, ventilated and not cramped then it would be better. Can you meet at a less busy time eg at 3 or 4 it would be quieter?

Annabelll · 19/12/2021 07:30

We’ve cancelled everything that isn’t outdoor as are desperate to have Christmas with my family this year after a recent bereavement.

I think it’s just sensible!

(We all had covid last month so if you’re ridiculous in any way then I definitely am!)

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 19/12/2021 07:31

I went for breakfast with 3 friends on Tuesday - one tested positive after getting symptoms on Wed then got results back on Friday so the other 3 of us have just had to isolate until we get PCR results.

It’s not so much the catching COVID that worries me (we already had it anyway) but the potential to be a close contact right before and have to isolate… Thankfully on this occasion the 2 out of the 3 of us that have had results back are negative but it did worry me a bit about isolating over Christmas so for that reason alone I am minimising contacts now!

We don’t do a huge amount on Christmas so it wouldn’t be the end of the world for us to have to isolate in our household but I would mean we could visit/eat with my parents like planned…

I think we all have difference levels of what we feel comfortable with & others should respect that even if it’s different from their own. You wouldn’t be stopping your friends still going so I’m not sure why they are getting their knickers in a twist over it!

Do what’s right for you!

Chunkymenrock · 19/12/2021 07:36

Have confidence in yourself and the decision that feels right for you. I would not go, not a chance this close to Christmas. Its non essential and your friend is quite immature calling you ridiculous. Going out for meals in public is exactly what can spread viruses.

Emilygoesa · 19/12/2021 07:39

Send her a text now to say you are not going, to be polite regarding numbers for the booking. Don't apologise, as she didn't respect your boundary. Omicron is spreading fast. You are being perfectly sensible.

SquigglePigs · 19/12/2021 07:42

It's all about what you are comfortable with. I wouldn't be going. I compromised on a planned meal out last week with a friend I hadn't seen for a while - we got a takeaway at my house instead so we were only exposed to each other and not everyone else in the restaurant.

As for the "hibernating til Christmas" comment - effectively yes. DD will still go to nursery because we have to and I will pop into a supermarket if needed (and the post office tomorrow too send out the last couple of bits) but frankly Christmas with my DD's Grandparents is more important than anything in the run up so we're prioritising. For other people the activities may be more important than seeing family on the day and that's their choice but they didn't be trying to force that choice on you. It's not anxiety, just practicality.

ClaudiaJ1 · 19/12/2021 07:43

YANBU Your friend sounds selfish and irresponsible. Don't go! It's only a week til Christmas, just one week. Get the week out of the road then you can go as much as you want.

girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 07:44

Oh for god sake we're getting 50 of these threads a day.

If you don't want to go, don't go.
If you have health anxiety and your friends calling you ridiculous she's a prick.
Although considering you've said you've caught a lot of stuff in pubs around Christmas time that does sound like an excuse.

NextChristmas · 19/12/2021 07:45

For me I'd cancel but that's only because I'm trying to reduce any mixing before Christmas so we will be able to see our elderly relatives. If any of us catch it before Christmas they won't be able to come and will have to spend Christmas alone again. Otherwise I'd probably go.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/12/2021 07:45

I’d just postpone it for a week. It’s only Christmas being so close that’s an issue.

AnnieSmithson · 19/12/2021 07:48

You should cancel, if you went you’d spend the whole time worrying, your friend sounds like an insensitive arse

fluffi · 19/12/2021 07:56

YANBU. Especially given how much contagious omicron is.

Going round to someone’s house (assuming you are all open and comfortable with each other’s covid safaris and recent activities) is less risky. Restaurant no way, instead of it being 4 people you can catch covid from it’ll be friends, other diners and staff!

Your friend sounds a bit upset, discussing it any further is unlikely to help either of you.Stick to your decision and not discuss it any further.

As for “you’ve been jabbed”. Yes, great, that’s to stop ending up in hospital or worse. Even if you are lucky and the symptoms are mild who thinks it’s ok for their friends and family to feel poorly?