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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this weird?

50 replies

TommyPickles1 · 19/12/2021 03:24

First off, I have a hard time understanding people’s facial expressions/behaviour (Aspergers) so I don’t always interpret it correctly.

My husband has been going to a cute young specialist doctor once or twice a week. He doesn’t drive so I drive him there and I usually come into the doctor’s office with him instead of waiting in the car, mostly out of boredom. I do a lot of the talking as my husband has no social skills than me, and we laugh a lot. Over time the doctor has started finding ways to drop little compliments about my looks into the conversation and recently he reached over and stroked my leg when my husband couldn’t see. Both of those things could be seen as normal friendliness but if I was a man, I would never even think about doing them, especially to the young, (sort of) pretty wife of one of your patients, especially in the age of #MeToo. My husband says the doctor is just being awkward because he’s probably never met a woman like me before (which I don’t quite understand) but something about his behaviour seems somewhat calculated.

Anyway it’s been going round and round in my head. I don’t know whether to feel upset and violated - I hate being touched especially by male strangers - or flattered (because he’s so attractive), or think nothing of it at all, and I don’t know whether to keep going there as normal or stay away just in case he is interested in me or thinks I am interested in him, which I’m not.

It IS weird to stroke the leg of someone of the opposite sex, right? I ask because I’ve got myself into some pretty scary situations with men simply from not understanding what they were trying to communicate to me - them misreading me and me misreading them - and I really don’t want to do that again.

OP posts:
wedonttalkaboutmyposts · 19/12/2021 03:31

Yes, it is totally weird of him to stroke your leg. It's also extremely inappropriate.

SantaClausIsAtTheDoorMum · 19/12/2021 03:56

Yes that is weird Shock

TommyPickles1 · 19/12/2021 04:00

So do you think he means something by it? Do I act like it never happened or avoid him from now on?

OP posts:
Spartak · 19/12/2021 04:12

It all sounds a bit weird. What kind of specialist doctor needs to be seen twice a week, with the patient's wife present?

Just let your husband go on his own. Problem solved.

TommyPickles1 · 19/12/2021 04:21

I don’t want to say what kind of specialist he is on the (admittedly extremely unlikely) chance that he might read this and know I’m talking about him! On the first appointment he asked if I wanted to come in and see what he does and I said yes. Ever since then I’ve found it weird to just stay in the waiting room when he obviously wants to talk. I also do really like talking to him. So it would be a shame never to see him again if I’m wrong about what’s happening.

OP posts:
RobertSmithsLipstick · 19/12/2021 04:23

You arent wrong though.
Do you mean the doctor obviously wants to talk or your husband?

FreeBritnee · 19/12/2021 04:27

Is this an actual doctor in a hospital or a health professional operating from their house or renting space somewhere? If it’s the matter I’ve heard some shocking stories over the years so I’d assume the worse.

FreeBritnee · 19/12/2021 04:27

*latter

TommyPickles1 · 19/12/2021 04:38

The doctor wants to talk. Also I think my husband likes me being there so he doesn’t have to do the talking himself.

He’s a private doctor who rents an office.

The thing is that his own wife is pretty herself. That’s what makes me think I must be wrong - that she’s better looking and more successful and more of a normal person than me. I don’t even feel like I’m a proper woman, I feel like an alien trying to pass myself off as human. It’s like imposter syndrome but in life, not just in a job. Obviously I’m overthinking things but I just want to know how to deal with the situation like a real person would!

OP posts:
Spartak · 19/12/2021 04:56

Why are you attending your DH's medical appointments to talk to the cute doctor?

How do you know what his wife looks like?

Just let your DH go on his own.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 19/12/2021 04:59

It all sounds very strange.

TommyPickles1 · 19/12/2021 05:04

It’s a little office in the middle of nowhere. I don’t want to just sit in the car or the waiting room for ages. Quite a few couples go in together and just chat to him while he works. I think it’s just because the expat community is quite small here so people like chatting with other English speakers (which the doctor is).

OP posts:
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/12/2021 05:05

I didn’t know patients were allowed to be accompanied into appointments!!

TommyPickles1 · 19/12/2021 05:05

I have mutual friends with his wife.

OP posts:
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/12/2021 05:05

Or that you get to me the doctor’s (pretty) wife

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/12/2021 05:06

Ah, scrub earlier post

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 19/12/2021 05:06

Get a different doctor

TommyPickles1 · 19/12/2021 05:08

So everyone agrees, there’s no way this could just be normal friendly behaviour?

It’s a shame, it’s so rare to meet other English speakers where we live!

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 19/12/2021 06:58

All very odd.

Emilygoesa · 19/12/2021 07:23

No it is not normal. He should not have touched you. It is irrelevant what his wife looks like. He is attracted to you. He is trying to groom you. Stop trying to rationalise it. I know l sound blunt but l wanted to be clear. He has violated the trust a doctor should provide. Stop all contact with him and his wife.

UmbilicusProfundus · 19/12/2021 07:34

It doesn’t sound like this is actually a medical doctor, but irrespective this is clearly crossing a boundary. Do you really not know this - I would have even a person with Asperger’s would recognise this so maybe I am just a bit ignorant Confused

Frigginintheriggin · 19/12/2021 08:38

Is he a therapist of some description rather than a GP?
Not that that makes what he is doing any better.
His behaviour has made you question his intention so listen to your gut instinct.
If you feel confident enough can you say 'I am not comfortable being touched, please don't do that?' That calls out his bullshit, let's him know you have his number and then definitely do not be alone with him again?
I stopped seeing a chiropractor because he was pushing himself up against me, no need imo. Creepy fucker.

CrapDrawer · 19/12/2021 08:50

It doesn’t matter that you’re pretty, or that his wife is pretty or that he is cute. None of that explains or excuses his behaviour. He has been incredibly inappropriate by touching you and unprofessional by flirting with you. Just take a book and wait in the car or waiting room.

CrapDrawer · 19/12/2021 08:50

Better still, find another doctor actually!

SilverPeacock · 19/12/2021 09:09

A doctor should not be stroking someone's leg no, it is innappropriate.

You have to get this straight in your head OP. This is in all likleyhoo the first stage of grooming by an abuser. He may have singled you out because he is aware of your paricular issues. How attractive he or his wife are is irrelevant. You should stay away.

You should probably reprt it to his professional body, but I understand this may be difficult. If by some stretch of the imagination he doesn't mean anything by it then someone should tell him to stop before he gets himself into serious trouble.