Should my fiancé tell his best friend, his ex is dating one of his friends?

[NorthSouthcatlady]

Let’s call fiancé’s best friend Richard, Richard dated a mutual friend of fiancé’s called Katrina. Richard styled it out they were all casual because he thought that’s what Katrina wanted. In reality he was besotted and in love with Katrina. Their relationship imploded a bit after he had a freak out about Katrina -she / is was a bit of a party animal. She thought they were on the same page but errr they weren’t.

Roll forward 10 years or so Richard is still hung up on Katrina. Problem is she’s started dating Matthew who is another friend in the group and they’ve started living together. I’ve said to my fiancé Richard should be told but he doesn’t want to get involved. Richard is a lovely guy and deserves to know. I’m dreading him finding out and then working out other people i.e. us and others know. I like everyone but lm a big fan of honesty is the best policy? I won’t interfere but lm feeling uncomfortable about it all

tis a pickle.i can understand both sides.

Flipping eck he sounds like an entitled price. She is not his possession he doesn't deserve to know anything she sounds well shot.

prick

I'm saying this nicely: I'd aim at filling your life with other things to think about.

Matthew should probably have mentioned to Richard that they were seeing each other, as they are all friends.
Richard needs to get over it and move on.

TEN years? No, it’s fine.

There was thread like this a few weeks ago, albeit it was the man, who dated a friend of the op then a long time later is dating a mutual friend. Many people said it was fine. But it was odd how many said it wasn’t ok, right back to a boyfriend at school being off limits. Glad to see posters here are a bit more measured.

Richard had his chance ten years ago. That ship has sailed.
I’m with your fiancé on this.

There's great to be more to this.

It wouldn't even occur to me that a person would need the new breaking to them, after 10 years.

I suspect Richard is very good at playing 'I am a nice guy' while having people priorise his feelings and generally feeling bit sorry for him.

If I found out, that some sat my casual ex down to tell him I was dating someone he knew, 10 years after we split up I would not be happy

I agree with you op.

It sounds like the friendship group is deliberately keeping it a secret from Richard, and that is shitty. If he found out everyone knows, he will realise everyone has been talking about it/him. Doesn't matter what the secret is really, if a friendship group work against one person that person won't feel part of the group.

I read the thread title and was sure my answer would be of course. But then I saw the bit about ten years.

No this is you trying to create unnecessary drama and to be honest I find it difficult to believe he could still be hung up on Katrina ten years later. And I say that as somebody that takes longer than average to move on.

If he is still hung up on her, he needs professional help, not updates on Katrina’s life.

If this ever comes up, that Richard finds out Katrina is dating an old friend of his Matthew- the reply surely is "Meh who cares mate? You dated her 10 years ago... move on"

First Matthew clearly isn't a good friend of Richard's- as he would know who he was dating or would have asked, if they were.

Secondly, his friends should spend their effort - not hiding this but - persuading Richard to go on dating app so that he moves on. Sounds like Richard over romanticises a long finished relationship from his teen years and could do with a dose of "Move On mate" tough talk

It's a bit worrying that Fiancé is best friends with Richard and hasn't given him that Move On mate tough talk yet. In 10 years ...

I'm slightly concerned at your Fiancé

• can keep a secret within friends group away from his bff for how long? Years?
• doesn't say something that needs to be said for 10 years and everyone else is thinking it

Fiancé always honest with you OP? He's not upfront honest with his BFF ...

Yes definitely stir it all up. Just In time for Christmas