Just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who gave their opinions.
An update:
I tried to speak to her about my concerns a couple of times but each time I ended up being reassured whilst on the phone… only to realise afterwards that none of my concerns had actually been addressed and no solution was really reached.
She just said things like ‘I can’t explain how I do it, I just do it’ and ‘any time you’re worried please call me and we can find a solution and it will be ok’…
I kept thinking, but I am calling you… right now… and clearly stating my concerns but you’re really not keen on changing anything… so it’s not really ok 
there was lots of resistance to using a monitor or a travel cot, even if we provided both and offered to provide ones she felt happy with.
I felt so helpless because I had visited everywhere in the local area and was running out of options! The ones I loved were fully booked or just too far away.
Anyway, I called our healthy visitor and she basically said some parents wouldn’t mind that set up but I have to make my own decision (I was asking about official guidance and what the general rules are- they all seem so open to interpretation…)
Then I called our local family advice centre and hit the jackpot… got through to a childminder coordinator who was obviously very experienced and knows all the minders in our area.
She said she would have a chat and that she is always here to support both parents and childminders. She knows the childminder well and was keen to discuss the sleeping arrangements with her, in a supportive but firm way, as she was not happy with the arrangements as described. She felt 6 months was too young to be on a mat. And she thought there should be more observation/ closer observation throughout naps.
She also gave me details of another childminder, who I hadn't been aware of, she is fully registered and has a space. She has two other children who are a bit older than our son (so he’s have the chance to make friends) and she has a garden (we don’t have a garden so that would be really lovely for our son).
anyway, after the call from the coordinator, the original childminder did a huge U turn. She couldn’t have been more helpful or flexible. She said it had just been a misunderstanding. She welcomed me bringing whatever I felt comfortable with. She said she’d borrow a travel cot and was very keen to keep me signed up. She asked if I was visiting other childminders.
I said the coordinator had given me details and said it was very normal to visit other settings but I did genuinely want things to work out with her.
I thought maybe there could be a way to salvage the situation. Plus our baby had reacted to her really well.
The thing is, when the coordinator called back to see how things were going, she told me that the childminder had reassured her that her assistant is near the room they sleep in and that she uses a monitor when she leaves the room.
And that simply doesn’t add up. Because I know she won’t have an Assistant when my son starts there… and she has certainly not got a monitor.
I don’t know. It all just felt a bit off again.
So I went to visit the other childminder and she is lovely.
To cut a long story short, we are choosing the new childminder who was recommended to us by the coordinator.
She seems to hear me when I speak (if that makes any sense?) it doesn’t just get brushed under the carpet, leaving me feeling like I’m going mad!
The sleeping arrangements seem a lot more secure and I feel a sense of peace and relief feel in my gut.
So I messaged the original childminder.
In a nut shell I thanked her for being so flexible and kind, I said we had changed our plans and wouldn’t be needing care from her anymore. I apologised for letting her down (we had signed a contract to start settling in March).
I’ve given her just over a months notice that we’ve changed our mind and don’t want to settle him with her. I have also acknowledged that she has the right to keep the deposit (not great for us! But making the right decision is more important.)
I apologised for messaging rather than calling (as it was late evening already) and said I was happy to chat tomorrow if she wanted.
I wanted to tell her asap and although it’s a bit rude sending it in a message, I really wanted to make sure it was put down in writing, with complete clarity.
She then tried calling me after 10pm and I didn’t see it ring. That made me feel a little anxious about her reaction. As I’d made it quite clear that the decision was definite and that I would be free tomorrow (not tonight).
Fingers crossed for an easy conversation tomorrow.
I’ve made up my mind and am worried she’s going to be quite annoyed with me.
We sign paperwork with the new one tomorrow morning. Phew!
I just wish I could shake the guilt.
It’s such a hard decision and so emotionally charged. I just hope I’ve made the right decision.
Thanks everyone 