I have been friends with someone for a few years through a political group. I haven’t been going much due to having a toddler. He was going through a very hard time a few months ago with a break up and severe mental health problems leading to hospitalisation. I know he left the group due after some drama but I was under the impression that he was paranoid and accusing people of talking about him and then quit.
I found out today that it is because he was accused by quite a few young members of being incredibly sexually inappropriate. In one instance he and another member had been drinking and smoking weed and she went to bed and woke up to him sexually assaulting her.
I feel really terrible. The group handled it well and it sounds like they supported the victim and asked him to leave. But now I just feel really disturbed and upset that my friend behaved like this. On the one hand I know that he does have serious mental illness that was seriously affecting him at the time but it sounds like he was using his position within the group to make advances on many members and even their partners. I’m really shocked.
I don’t see him very often, usually just catch up for a chat every month or two. I think I will just leave it for now but I’m not sure what to do if he messages me. On the one hand I feel bad for him due to his mental illness and the way his life has fallen apart and I don’t want to abandon someone at their lowest point. But on the other I can’t, in good conscience, be friends with someone who has done these things.
I also feel very bad for the victim, who has left the group, and I want to reach out and say I believe her and support her but I don’t want to bring up bad memories and I don’t know her well.
Has anyone had experience of this? Please don’t be harsh, I’m quite upset about this.