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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Revenge ...aibu?

72 replies

nartty · 18/12/2021 11:06

Someone who I was friends with for a very very long time did something awful to me and she turned a lot of people against me with her lies.
Split up my relationship
Now she is driving around without declaring a medical condition (that would mean she lost her licence )
I'm always tempted to get my own back (so to speak ) but I never know wether to let karma do it's thing.
What would you do?
She started a smear campaign against me ,reported me to the police (the list goes on)
It eats me up even tho it was 3 years ago.

I'm happy now with a new partner and have a good life
Good job etc
But it still eats me up she got away with her lies and people believed her

Aibu here ?

OP posts:
AiryFairyLights · 18/12/2021 12:40

Take revenge way out of the situation - you need to report her (if you haven’t astray s as I’ve not read the full thread). If she caused an accident and killed someone due to her eyesight how would you feel knowing you hadn’t reported her and had her taken off the road?
I’m sure if you are aware of her condition others must be too so she’s no way of knowing it came from you

Hope478 · 18/12/2021 12:52

I have a similar eye condition and I can legally drive.

You haven't given any context for when she told you she "shouldn't" be driving.

It isn't down for her consultant to inform the DVLA, but the driver themselves should and will have to have a field test, which she may well pass.

I suspect you don't know the full story here.

Report any concerns you have to the DVLA though, that's what they are there for.

Allmadeoflego · 18/12/2021 13:06

Are you the OP who feel out with a friend who told lies about your Mum or similar?

If yes, this is really unhealthy as I’m assuming that, if you haven’t spoke for 3 years then the driving isn’t nee information to you. You’ve been stewing on it for a long time

rocky1914 · 18/12/2021 13:12

Could have written this post myself. Let it go is my best and only advice, OP. I don't believe in Karma but I do believe that life has a way of balancing things up and that she will get "hers" in time.

Listen to the song "Eventually" by P!NK from her sophomore album, "Missundaztood".

The last line will sum it all up for you:

So what good am I to you, if I can't be broken

🙌🙌

Bettyfromlondon · 18/12/2021 13:14

Report her!!
I actually have glaucoma in both eyes and was told to report myself to the DVLA three years ago when diagnosed even though I have no sense of loss of vision. I had to get a special official eye test which looks at how the two eyes work together rather than each eye on its own. I was issued with a 3 year medical driving licence which I have just had to renew in the same way. Fortunately I have now got another 3 year medical licence. If my eyes deteriorate before then I shall surrender my licence but the condition has been stabilised with the use of eye drops and is monitored at the hospital.

Squeezita · 18/12/2021 14:41

@nartty

I've been scared to do it if I'm honest because I know what she's capable of. She nearly ruined my life with lies I'm scared to open a can of worms again
She’ll just think her consultant informed DVLA.

Are you really too scared to do the right thing? How can have that on your conscience if someone is hurt by her?

ElectraBlue · 18/12/2021 15:23

Report her. Not because you want revenge but because she is putting other people at risk by driving when her vision is that poor...

Chloemol · 18/12/2021 15:29

She is driving something that kills

I would report immediately

nokidshere · 18/12/2021 15:35

Lots of people with eyesight problems can legally drive, even those with glaucoma. If you think she is a risk to other drivers then report but, even if you do, she might still be ok to drive.

DotBall · 18/12/2021 15:44

Err, how do you know so much about her vision / glaucoma diagnosis?

greenpolkadot55 · 18/12/2021 15:48

She could kill someone,,
Report her,,,or,,,get someone else to do it.. Then at least you can be truthful if she ever confronts you over the DVLA finding out

RunningInTheWind · 18/12/2021 15:52

How do you know she’s not allowed to drive? The decision would be made by a health professional who is unlikely to have “spilled the tea”.

My dad’s had glaucoma since the 90s. Still drives. Still legal. Has to jump through hoops at the DVLA but really it’s a case of doing a specsavers test and then telling dvla.

Suzanne999 · 18/12/2021 16:22

I think if her sight is compromised and she’s driving you have a duty to report her to the DVLA. You’d do this if it was me, or your neighbour, wouldn’t you, because it’s the sensible thing to do. You are not being vindictive or nasty as you’re not making something up.

( years ago I went out with a guy who turned out to be a serial liar, almost everything he’d told me was a lie. I found out he was working in the job he’d told me about but was also claiming to be disabled ( he wasn’t) and had claimed benefits including unemployment benefit for years. Did I report him? You bet I did. Not to be vindictive but because he was a cheat.

Contact DVLA — you might save her from a nasty accident.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 18/12/2021 16:44

I'd report her, even if it wasn't for revenge. She could kill someone!

oftenbaffled · 18/12/2021 16:47

Even if she was your best friend...

YES YOU SHOULD BLOODY SHOULD

oftenbaffled · 18/12/2021 16:48

@Suzanne999

I think if her sight is compromised and she’s driving you have a duty to report her to the DVLA. You’d do this if it was me, or your neighbour, wouldn’t you, because it’s the sensible thing to do. You are not being vindictive or nasty as you’re not making something up.

( years ago I went out with a guy who turned out to be a serial liar, almost everything he’d told me was a lie. I found out he was working in the job he’d told me about but was also claiming to be disabled ( he wasn’t) and had claimed benefits including unemployment benefit for years. Did I report him? You bet I did. Not to be vindictive but because he was a cheat.

Contact DVLA — you might save her from a nasty accident.

And you only found out about his fraud after you were finished?
Pazuzu · 18/12/2021 16:50

Report her.

If she doesn't kill someone, I very much doubt the insurance company are going to be covering her.

CounsellorTroi · 18/12/2021 16:55

I would report her for safety reasons, not revenge. She has an eye condition which may at some point rob her of her vision entirely. Seems karma is already doing its thing.

Itsyoouu · 18/12/2021 17:26

You can drive with that! It's not illegal.

oftenbaffled · 18/12/2021 17:32

glaucoma in ONE eye - no need to declare to dvla

in TWO eyes - you need to tell DVLA and she will be required to do a visual test

AmIAGrinchx · 18/12/2021 17:35

You can drive with that! How do you know she's not had her vision tested by DVLA? A lot can change in three years!
Don't go out to whreck someone's life when you don't even know the full story. Ffs. Revenge is for children!

billy1966 · 18/12/2021 17:36

@mugoftea456

I wouldn't say that's revenge. It's a moral duty to report.

The best revenge is being happy and not bitter.

This.

Report her.

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