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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Revenge ...aibu?

72 replies

nartty · 18/12/2021 11:06

Someone who I was friends with for a very very long time did something awful to me and she turned a lot of people against me with her lies.
Split up my relationship
Now she is driving around without declaring a medical condition (that would mean she lost her licence )
I'm always tempted to get my own back (so to speak ) but I never know wether to let karma do it's thing.
What would you do?
She started a smear campaign against me ,reported me to the police (the list goes on)
It eats me up even tho it was 3 years ago.

I'm happy now with a new partner and have a good life
Good job etc
But it still eats me up she got away with her lies and people believed her

Aibu here ?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 18/12/2021 11:34

Doesn't matter if she were a literal living Saint, if she's driving with sight issues, you need to report her. Better to do that than read about some woman who has lost her baby and toddler or husband two days before Christmas due to the selfish baggage being on the road.

Original poster
nartty · 18/12/2021 11:35

@SnowyFeetByMoonlightBlue you don't need to accept anything as you a stranger to me.
I'm explaining what happened and it was a vendetta against me.
I can't really get into detail but she isn't a nice person.

OP posts:
Original poster
nartty · 18/12/2021 11:37

I know it's anon
I was just worried she would start up again.
I had my tyres slashed etc etc
It was a difficult time and I can't deal with it all again

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 18/12/2021 11:37

Report her. Forget about the revenge, she needs reporting before she kills someone

MothExterminator · 18/12/2021 11:37

Listen, you have to report her. What if she drives into a child? This is not revenge at all, it is about keeping me posted innocent people safe from someone who shouldn’t be on the roads.

Original poster
nartty · 18/12/2021 11:39

Thanks everyone
I'm going too report her
Just state the facts and then it's up to dvla to decide what to do next

OP posts:
jacks11 · 18/12/2021 11:40

Has she been told to stop driving due to her visual changes? Because it is possible that it is not at the stage where she cannot drive yet. As you have not been in contact with her for several years (by the sound of things) it’s possible you don’t know the whole picture. All that said, if you feel she could be a danger then you should report your concerns and let them do the investigation.

Original poster
nartty · 18/12/2021 11:44

All I know is when we were "friends" she said
"I shouldn't even be driving"

OP posts:
MrsColon · 18/12/2021 11:48

Doctors can tell a patient to stop driving, but they cannot report them to DVLA due to doctor-patient confidentiality (the thinking is that people won't go to their doctor for help if they're worried they'll be reported).

You should absolutely report her, you'd never forgive yourself if she killed someone and you stood by and did nothing.

Use this link to report her:

contact.dvla.gov.uk/driver/capture_third_party_personal_information

mugoftea456 · 18/12/2021 11:49

I wouldn't say that's revenge. It's a moral duty to report.

The best revenge is being happy and not bitter.

Gingernaut · 18/12/2021 11:51

Someone without peripheral vision could pull out and kill a cyclist.

Report.

mumda · 18/12/2021 11:52

She's living rent free in your head.

Will she be there less if you report her?

UserBot314 · 18/12/2021 11:55

Blimey, she sounds nuts, id stay under her radar. Block all mutual acquaintances. Dont associate unnecessarily with people who know her.

When a narc casts you in the role of her enemy, you cant beat her at her own game because you have a line you wont cross, you have a conscience.

Starcup · 18/12/2021 11:56

@TooWicked

Wouldn’t even need to ask, I’d report her.
Same here 😬 #REPORT
Derbee · 18/12/2021 12:11

I’d report her. It’s a double win - you get your revenge, AND you protect other road users.

5keletor · 18/12/2021 12:13

Regardless of revenge, I'd report her because she is a danger to other road users, so YANBU to report her.

Twocrabs30 · 18/12/2021 12:14

Confucius said: ‘Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves’.

Don’t be motivated by revenge, but the broader public interest in ensuring the safety of road users.

Horsemad · 18/12/2021 12:18

🙄 Get over yourself and report her.

Could you live with the death of innocent people on your conscience? 🤔

DrSbaitso · 18/12/2021 12:19

I'd report because she's putting others at risk, nothing to do with revenge.

REP22 · 18/12/2021 12:28

As others have said, not for revenge, but for the safety of others, report her ASAP. She is going to hurt someone. I was told by my GP that I had to stop driving for medical reasons (not vision-related) and surrendered my licence. I am thankfully well again and reapplied for my licence with GP approval. DVLA have said that it's on its way to me. It has been a very, VERY difficult 4 years. But I would never have forgiven myself if I had injured or killed someone by driving when I was unwell.

In addition to all the hurts you've received from this person, I'm sure you wouldn't want that additional burden on your conscience. It sounds like you've decided to make the report, which is the right thing to do. In one way, it's actually a kindness because it's (hopefully) preventing her from causing real and lasting harm to herself and others.

I know it's easier said than done, but you don't have to carry her and all she's done around with you. It's a heavy load and absolutely exhausting. It's OK to drop that burden in the stream and watch it float away into the distance. Flowers

With best wishes to you. x

traka · 18/12/2021 12:29

If she's a danger to other road users then yes

oviraptor21 · 18/12/2021 12:33

Report.
If you are worried about repercussions are there steps you can take .... a Ring doorbell for example?

Dacquoise · 18/12/2021 12:37

Your feelings may be asking for revenge but you would actually be doing a public service by reporting her. There are enough idiots on the road already. Imagine how you would feel if she killed someone because of her sight problems and you could have prevented it?

SoSickOfItNow · 18/12/2021 12:38

@nartty

All I know is when we were "friends" she said "I shouldn't even be driving"
Then you should have instantly reported her!
TheCreamCaker · 18/12/2021 12:40

I'd report her. I'd report anyone who was a danger to other road-users and pedestrians.