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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend didn't get me a birthday gift ....

46 replies

loullou · 18/12/2021 09:37

It was my friends birthday in November.
She sent me a pic of a tee shirt she liked and I got her this and took her out for a meal.
It's my Birthday on Christmas Eve.

For Christmas we both decided just to get each other pjs ,a bath bomb and chocolates.
We met up yesterday and exchanged gifts but she didn't get me anything for my birthday (not even a card )
She mentioned my Birthday and asked what OH was getting me.
On my way to meet her she asked me to grab her some orajel (£5) said no worries,but she didn't pay for that.
My birthday "meal" turned out to be a costa toastie ...she paid ,but really I paid as I never got the £5 back for the orajel.

I know you don't give to receive but she went out of her way to show me what she wanted for her birthday ...yet I get zilch for mine.

Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky?

OP posts:
Original poster
loullou · 18/12/2021 09:38

Also she won't give me birthday gift later as at the end she said
"See you next year,have a lovely Christmas "

OP posts:
AmIAGrinchx · 18/12/2021 09:40

Maybe she's skint so close to Christmas?

SenseSphere · 18/12/2021 09:41

Yes, it’s a bit cheeky. However, as someone with a Christmas birthday myself, I’m used to it either being ignored or the classic “This is a combined present for Christmas and your birthday”.

OwlinaTree · 18/12/2021 09:42

Maybe you need to send her a link to something you want next year.

PatchworkElmer · 18/12/2021 09:43

My friend did this to me this year TWICE- list of stuff for her DDs birthday and then hers. Mine and DS’s are later in the year. Did we get anything? Nope. DS didn’t even get a card.

AmIAGrinchx · 18/12/2021 09:44

That said a friend of mine did this to me. Asked me to bake her a cake, sent me stuff she wanted and her DC wanted for their birthdays. Come my birthday and my DC birthdays.. I didn't even get so much as a happy birthday message and my birthday was in July. Hmm

Just don't get them nothing next year, just blank it from now on.

IncompleteSenten · 18/12/2021 09:45

Given she actually sent you a link to what she wanted for her birthday yanbu!

At the very least, message her with your bank details and say just stick that fiver in my account please.

Original poster
loullou · 18/12/2021 09:47

Shes deffo not skint either.
Like I say I know you don't give to receive

OP posts:
Mooloolabababy · 18/12/2021 09:49

Could you do similar and send her a link to something you'd like for your birthday? What do you think her response would be?

witsendeverytime · 18/12/2021 10:03

Just stop exchanging gifts! Next time round if she sends you a pic of something or whatever, just say you have to budget better this year so you're skipping it, or even better (if you are brave enough) say as she didn't get anything for you last year thought she had decided to stop! That would put it back in her.

BunnyBlanket · 18/12/2021 10:03

My friend didn’t get me a birthday gift this year either. I overlooked it as she’s had some MH issues. I will get a gift when her birthday comes round. If she forgets me again, I won’t buy for her birthday again. That’s as far as it goes for me.

TheCreamCaker · 18/12/2021 10:08

She's a cheeky cow.

One of my friends is a bit like that. I always spend about £20 on her birthday present. She got me a £2 vase for mine.

colourfulpuddles · 18/12/2021 10:10

@AmIAGrinchx

Maybe she's skint so close to Christmas?
So what? That doesn’t mean you skimp out and ignore their birthday.
PickElaine · 18/12/2021 10:14

@AmIAGrinchx

Maybe she's skint so close to Christmas?

Then she shouldn't be going to Costa or asking for Ora-whatsit. Unless that's a life saving medication.

RubyKitty · 18/12/2021 10:15

Just message her and say here are my bank details for the £5 you owe me and here is a link for what I want for my birthday.

Boysnme · 18/12/2021 10:15

My friend did this to me with both me and my kids. I’ve stopped doing gifts at all now.

Snoken · 18/12/2021 10:17

The fact that she told you what she wanted makes this so much worse.

I wish my friends a happy birthday, but we don’t do presents religiously. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t, but we certainly never say that we want anything. We just agreed years ago that getting a present is a bonus, not getting one is fine too. It doesn’t have anything to do with how much we like each other. Your way of deciding on getting PJ’s, bath bombs and chocolates sounds completely unnecessary. You really are just swapping money, when you could have picked out your own PJ’s instead.

Billyliarohdear · 18/12/2021 10:20

I had a friend who had form for asking me to pick things up for her in town but on meeting would not offer me the money. I was starting to get a bit fed up of it and when I started to ask for the money she would pretend she'd forgot her purse and I'd be forced to go to her house (at an inconvenient time etc to get the cash) and she made it feel v. awkward.
Anyways, last year I spent around £30 on her for her Birthday, bought slippers, chocolate, bath bombs, wine and other bits to make a lovely pamper set - really put effort in.
A few weeks later it was my Birthday and I didn't even get a card, in fact she didn't acknowledge my Birthday at all despite calling by my house the next day and seeing all my cards stood in my window ( she couldn't fail to spot them).
Tbh it was the final nail in the coffin of our friendship and I ghosted her.

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 18/12/2021 10:21

Ugh, I'm a January 2nd birthday and I've just accepted that my birthday is irrelevant to anyone. After years of being generous for everyone's birthdays and not even getting a text on mine (not even fussy about an actual present, just a message would be fine!) I stopped giving presents to anyone. The first year of not giving was interesting, my birthday came and went as usual, and then later in the year the string of other birthdays arrived, then the questions came. 'Did you forget something?' 'Nothing has arrived in the post yet?' I told them all I wasn't doing gift giving anymore, and they were most put out. I now spend all the money I would have throughout the year on treating myself on my own birthday, I've had some of the best birthdays since. Happy birthday to all the forgotten Xmas and January birthdays.

Scandisaurus · 18/12/2021 10:23

I would ask her. A simple how come you didn’t get me anything for my birthday, when you yourself even sent me a link for the t-shirt you wanted me to buy for you?

Scandisaurus · 18/12/2021 10:25

I would also tell her that she forgot to give you money for the gel. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to talk to people..

Suzanne999 · 18/12/2021 10:29

If she send you a “I’d like this” link again I’d message back saying well I hope someone buys it for you.
I’d also text her saying your oragel was £5, you forgot to pay me, put it into my bank account.
Can’t understand people with your friend’s attitude and maybe time she was an ex friend.

Dacquoise · 18/12/2021 10:34

After years of forgotten and late presents from a particular friend I decided to take the bulls by the horn and put a stop to the nonsense that was going on. I told her very kindly that I was going to do cards only for birthdays and Christmases from now on as a kind of new year's resolution and because I had run out of ideas. Is that a possibility for you?

I know how disappointing it us for someone not to put in reciprocal effort. It's not the gift per se but the feeling they don't care as much as you isn't it? I used to cringe every time she used to send me a text saying it was going to be late. For whatever reason she couldn't get her act together so I decided to not give her anymore opportunities to disappoint. The cards are still late but at least I haven't gone to the hassle of buying and sending things.

5foot5 · 18/12/2021 10:36

Being charitable and givi3her the benefit of the doubt - it isn't Christmas Eve yet. Maybe she has arranged something that will arrive by post. A nice Christmas bouquet or something. Or perhaps when you open your Christmas present it will contain a bit of an extra surprise

CircleofWillis · 18/12/2021 10:37

It isn't your birthday yet. Send her a link to what you would like.
Also next time she asks you to get something say "It was £5.99, here's the receipt. Do you want to PayPal or give me cash?", before you hand it over.