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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off the gardener nosed around my house?

51 replies

MudSad · 17/12/2021 19:50

Aargh wrote a really long post and lost it so this is truncated

I've had the garden landscaped this week and they finished today. The landscaper has done lots of work for friends so I know he's really trustworthy. Because of this, I've not locked the back door if I've gone out (am WFH) and they're here.

We discussed earlier in the week that he realised this was the house his mum grew up in. So we spent some time talking about that and I said that I'd tried to preserve as many of the original features as I can.

They have been coming into the house all week to use the loo but there's a big extension across the back of the house where the loo is so no need to go into the rest of the house.

Anyway, today I went to do the school run which they know takes me about 30 mins and I've realised that he has wandered around the ground floor of my house (I can't tell if he's been upstairs) because I can see his footprints.

AIBU to be disappointed and pissed off? I would have let him look around if he'd asked. I would have been happy to.

I'm really annoyed. I'm so pleased with the work he's done but now I don't want to recommend him. And I don't want to say anything because it will make me sound like Miss Marple.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 17/12/2021 21:50

That is not OK. I’d ask him why he let himself in to your house in your absence.

Equally I wouldn’t have left the house unlocked whilst I was out.

Thelnebriati · 17/12/2021 21:51

We discussed earlier in the week that he realised this was the house his mum grew up in.
Mention that to your friends and just check he didnt say it to everyone.

Thwackit · 17/12/2021 21:53

Tell him that you found a lot of dirty shoe prints around the bottom floor of the house and could he not walk round in future.

Bootikin · 17/12/2021 21:55

Can’t believe people thinking this was ok. It would have been so easy for him to ask you to show him the property. The fact he sneaked around is bad. The leaving footprints is actuallly pretty disgusting - how disrespectful not to remove shoes FFS! It’s really invasive and disrespectful. Little shit!

I would let him know at final payment that this was unacceptable and put an online review saying he went through private areas of your home without permission, for no reason, when you were out - then future customers will know how he may behave.

FreeBritnee · 17/12/2021 21:57

I think you should be more angry at yourself for compromising your own work confidentiality for failing to secure your house when you went out. It was pretty obvious he was going to take the opportunity to nose around given a chance. You gave him the chance.

kweeble · 17/12/2021 22:13

I’d be annoyed and no longer trust him.

Original poster
MudSad · 17/12/2021 22:16

@FreeBritnee

I think you should be more angry at yourself for compromising your own work confidentiality for failing to secure your house when you went out. It was pretty obvious he was going to take the opportunity to nose around given a chance. You gave him the chance.
It was pretty obvious? Really? Is that the sort of thing you do?

It's really not something I'd do.

OP posts:
Original poster
MudSad · 17/12/2021 22:22

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow

why wouldn't you offer? If, as you claim you would have been so happy to have shown him round IF he asked?

Bizarre power game on your half.

I have been working to very tight deadlines on loads of things to get them done by the time I finished work today. My days are pretty much back to back teams calls and I haven't had time to offer a tour in the hours he's been here and in a lull. Our downtimes haven't coincided at all. I was planning on doing it Monday morning when I've finished work and we're having a final check over everything.
OP posts:
chesirecat99 · 17/12/2021 22:24

I would have offered to show him around as soon as he said it's his DM's old home. Why are you so sure he was having a nose around? Maybe he was looking for you? Maybe it was one of his employees, which is more concerning.

Bluntness100 · 17/12/2021 22:25

I’d be ok with this, sure he should have asked but no harm done and I see why he did it,his curiosity prob just for the better Of him

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2021 22:31

He was totally out of order for walking through your home, but you were beyond foolish and irresponsible to leave your house unlocked.

BurntO · 17/12/2021 23:16

That’s inappropriate. Baffled as to why some people are fine to a stranger nosing around their home with no consent. He should have asked

Piffle11 · 18/12/2021 00:01

I’m really surprised that so many people think it’s okay for someone who is basically a stranger to let themselves into your house and have a look round whilst you’re not there… The fact that his mother used to live there is irrelevant. He didn’t ask if he could come in and have a look, he just decided to do it whilst you weren’t there. The onus wasn’t on you to offer, I think it was on him to ask. He didn’t, he just decided he was going to come in. I completely see where you’re coming from, up. It would really put me off him.

Original poster
MudSad · 18/12/2021 00:38

@Piffle11

I’m really surprised that so many people think it’s okay for someone who is basically a stranger to let themselves into your house and have a look round whilst you’re not there… The fact that his mother used to live there is irrelevant. He didn’t ask if he could come in and have a look, he just decided to do it whilst you weren’t there. The onus wasn’t on you to offer, I think it was on him to ask. He didn’t, he just decided he was going to come in. I completely see where you’re coming from, up. It would really put me off him.
Me too. It makes me think that if I have guests, every time I leave the room, I shouldn't be surprised if they start rifling through my cupboards.

I left the house unlocked so they could use the toilet and access an electric socket. Honestly don't think it's weird to do that for 30 mins while I'm not in the building

OP posts:
SarahDippity · 18/12/2021 00:43

Jesus. Not okay. I’d ask him ‘did you go through the house to look around? There were footprints everywhere and I am really unsettled that you did that.’

WomanStanleyWoman · 18/12/2021 01:09

He absolutely shouldn’t have done this. All he had to do was ask. I can understand why he wanted to look around, but that doesn’t mean you can just do it regardless.

WomanStanleyWoman · 18/12/2021 01:13

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow

why wouldn't you offer? If, as you claim you would have been so happy to have shown him round IF he asked?

Bizarre power game on your half.

What a ridiculous comment. A ‘power game’? The OP just wants to decide who goes into her own house and when.
FreeBritnee · 18/12/2021 06:09

It was pretty obvious? Really? Is that the sort of thing you do?

Look in your wardrobe. I’m crouched down in the corner waiting for you to leave 👻

Momijin · 18/12/2021 06:31

Absolutely not ok. I would never look around anyone's house without their permission/them being there. I wouldn't like someone to do it to me.

When I look after friend's pets when they're away, I just do what I'm supposed to do and wouldn't dream of looking round.

Twoweeksandcounting · 18/12/2021 07:12

On Monday, I would offer to show him round, as you originally planned. It would be interesting to see if he fesses up that he has already had a little nosy!

For what it’s worth, I would be miffed that he had taken it upon himself to look round, but not outraged.

pilates · 18/12/2021 07:29

Sounds like curiosity got the better of him.

A bit annoying but I wouldn’t be raging about it.

But I would have offered for him to look round at the beginning when found out his mother lived there.

Kshhuxnxk · 18/12/2021 07:40

You're right to be annoyed however you're comment "I also work in a really confidential sector so it's professionally compromising" is noverreaching. You left your house insecure. Taking it too far with that.

MartyHart · 18/12/2021 08:08

If it's professionally compromising you shouldn't have left the house unlocked.
You should anyway have your files stored securely, what if you were broken in to?
He shouldn't have done it, if I were you I would have offered a tour at the beginning.
I wouldn't be that bothered tbh.

ShinyballsAndChocolateTinsel · 18/12/2021 08:53

Just say something. Yes he may be curious but it's rude and unprofessional, you don't wander round clients houses
It's a matter of trust

Lunariagal · 18/12/2021 09:01

I'm a gardener.
Absolutely not OK.