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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think bedroom furniture isn't really a gift for a 4 YO?

62 replies

IKnowAPlace · 17/12/2021 19:37

My cousin proudly told me that their DS4 is getting a new set of drawers for Christmas from them. They're basic IKEA drawers. He's getting these this weekend with a new duvet cover then a small token Santa gift on Christmas day.

They're relying on family and friends to buy many other gifts - we've been given lists (including being asked to provide "experiences" - I like this idea, but the available days mean it's basically to cover Christmas holidays). We have to drop gifts off so they're under the tree on Christmas morning which is causing a few people issues as they live quite far out of town.

Now, I'm not hugely into consumerism and seeing mountains of plastic toys piling up at Christmas but drawers seem like more of an essential home item than a gift. The parents both have good jobs and buy each other expensive gifts (£500+) so it's not that they're needing to combine an essential purchase with a Christmas gift.

Will he clock that it's an odd gift from parents at 4? Or will the other gifts from us mean he won't notice?

YBAU - he won't notice
YNBAU - it's a bit strange

OP posts:

AliveAndSleeping · 17/12/2021 21:39

Option 3: it's none of your business.

Making excessive demands on friends and family is a different matter. I think it makes sense to not buy their kid a massive amount of toys if they know that others will insist on giving them (and I think 10-12 is a good amount of presents) but to inconvenience people with awkward arrangements isn't great.

Anyway, you can opt out of that if you don't like it.

escapingthecity · 17/12/2021 21:39

We always used to get things we needed for Christmas - new trainers, sports equipment, a new desk, a new bookshelf. I see nothing weird in this.

Justajot · 17/12/2021 21:44

I don't think 4 year olds pay much attention to who gave them which gift. It makes getting them to thank the right people for the right stuff quite tricky. So I don't think it will matter. And I doubt anyone else would have been willing to buy the drawers if they'd been on the list.

AliveAndSleeping · 17/12/2021 21:44

@Ohpulltheotherone

A set of drawers for a 4 yo?

I understand about not wanting kids to be overly materialistic…but you can teach them this whilst still gifting them something appropriate in line with their age and interests.

I wouldn’t even get excited about a set of drawers ffs and I’m middle aged and boring.

It smacks of virtue signalling, so they can congratulate themselves for some imaginary woke parenting competition whilst happily spending a small fortune on themselves.

If the kid was 13+ I can almost agree the bedroom decoration as a gift but 4? Give over.

FFS...the number of people on MN who think that parents do stuff for the sake of other people's opinion. I'm pretty sure that no parent cares what you think. We all do things differently and most of us do them with our kids' best interest at heart. It's super arrogant to think that anyone does anything just to impress you.

Redglitter · 17/12/2021 21:46

Why do the other presents have to be dropped off on Christmas Eve. Does that mean they'll all be from Santa rather than the relative who bought them. Personally I wouldn't entertain that

Original poster

IKnowAPlace · 17/12/2021 21:54

I think it's just so they can all be opened on Christmas morning because he's getting the drawers and bedding set tomorrow (I don't why this is)

OP posts:

Original poster

IKnowAPlace · 17/12/2021 21:58

I don't mind if he thinks my gift is from santa (it's a collection of books - I always get him books including any specific ones on the list). I'm also taking him for an animal adventure day I've made up so he'll know I still thought of him.

OP posts:

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 17/12/2021 21:59

I don't think there's anything wrong with limiting presents especially if grandparents go mad, but the drawers shouldn't be presented as a Christmas gift. Basic furniture is something a parent provides, it's not like it's a gaming chair or a hammock or something fun, it's a chest of drawers for his clothes

user1506328491 · 17/12/2021 22:01

Given they aren't short of money I think it's weird - they could provide a chest of drawers for their kid! If they were really hard up it's a very different story.
But essentially they're getting wider family to provide the magic of Xmas with their dictatorial list!

buckeejit · 17/12/2021 22:03

I think that's great-everyone else is buying what will be in charity shop in a couple of years. I'm glad 4 year olds aren't into consumerism. If you ask him in a year what his favourite present was he may not remember unless you strike on something he happens to love.

Some of my dc favourite things are practical like blankets & lamps

reluctantbrit · 17/12/2021 22:10

DD was 4.5 when we converted the loft into her bedroom. She got plenty of furnitures for her birthday and absolutely loved it.

But - she also got plenty of other gifts.

Kshhuxnxk · 17/12/2021 22:11

Well would you rather buy the drawers instead?

shellylongbottom · 17/12/2021 22:17

@londonrach

Yabu. The nasty mn who said parents were tight no idea re real life. A new set of drawers is amazing gift. I'm tight, my dd getting second hand toys either free or £1 or £2 but gets gets food and love. She doesn't care and aged 5 asked for nothing from santa.

Good for you! I hate plastic waste and we mostly do second hand clothes and toys. Hate buying loads of gifts and then the old toys get pushed aside.

As you say, most important thing is love and lots of food! Kids can enjoy anything, they'll be happy with a bowl of soapy water, nevermind purpose built toys

julieca · 17/12/2021 22:18

@Kendodd

I think plenty of four year olds would love that. Especially flat packed to build and coming in a big box.

I really doubt it.

Bagadverts · 17/12/2021 22:24

Maybe he asked for it or helped pick it. As seen from another thread children ask for a range of querky or odd (to adults) things.

The only thing is inconveniencing others by asking for gifts to be delivered earlier if this will put people out either due to distance or wanting to see gifts being opened. If they want under tree presents as well maybe should buy. If they ask nicely and friends or relatives or happy what is the problem?

MissBPotter · 17/12/2021 22:26

There’s no way that this is reasonable if they’re well off and spending over £500 on each other AND being very grabby by forcing others to basically buy their kid toys. A malm is a very boring gift for anyone!

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 17/12/2021 22:31

I cannot abide when parents give basics such as that sort of thing as a gift. Like when people decorate their child's bedroom as a "gift" for their birthday. It's tight and selfish.

Icebreaker99 · 17/12/2021 22:32

YABU about the bedroom furniture, good for them getting his something useful and if he's getting all those other gifts from relatives he's hardly likely to feel hard down by.

YANBU about their instructions and demands on gifts for others.

I really, really hate this idea that kids have got to get some fuck-off huge main present from their parents, why?!?

MuchTooTired · 17/12/2021 22:34

I might have two weird nearly four year olds, but my DTs would love this as a present. A building project to complete with mama or dad one on one, something just for them that’s theirs that they can store their treasures in that the other can’t go in, and the big kids have one so they’re big kids too. If it came with a set of rainbow/mermaid tractor/digger stickers to decorate with their little minds would be blown with excitement.

If it was a Victorian chest of drawers like the ones I used to have I’d be chuffed if it were the main gift for me too

On the face of it it seems a pretty naff gift, but I do genuinely think kids see things differently. I got mine big boy/girl beds for their birthday this year complete with bedding that they picked and they were thrilled - I literally couldn’t think of a single toy to get them that they’d play with and they needed new beds!

Toplowlight · 17/12/2021 22:41

It’s a totally crap present but I doubt he will notice if there are other things for him to open. That said, his parents are CFs for being so prescriptive and demanding presents be under the tree etc.

HappydaysArehere · 17/12/2021 22:45

Sounds like a cop out. Children remember Christmases. So I suppose he will reflect with delight on those chest of drawers and probably give his own children the same in future years.

inappropriateraspberry · 17/12/2021 22:50

Just the drawers? Not redecorating the bedroom? A 4 year old would love a new room, but can't see them being excited over drawers in their own!

marriedmadness · 17/12/2021 22:51

This is how they have money OP! Buying essentials and then letting everyone else do the hard work. They have a brass neck to boot, dictating what others should buy.

Fluffybeebee · 17/12/2021 22:56

I got an Ikea desk for Christmas when I was 12/13. This was my main and only present that year. I can't tell you how utterly gutted I was, I was desperately trying not to cry the whole Christmas period. I wanted a HiFi system. I don't think I have ever quite forgiven my parents but I have never told them how upset I was. No idea what possessed them!

HamCob · 17/12/2021 23:00

I agree OP - furniture is a crap present for a young child. Our friends bought their sons a new bed for their birthdays. It's marginally more exciting than drawers I guess but still mean spirited in my opinion no matter how it's dressed up.

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