To ask how you get over your body hang ups?

[shittytittieshelpplease]

Been separated from exdh for almost a year and on the dating scene. Have been speaking to someone for a while and after a few weeks dating had sex.

But I'm so hung up on my shit tits it's ruining it for me. I never had massive boobs pre kids but they were perky and decent and now they look ridiculous and deflated and I'm worried they look saggy and he's going to judge them/be turned off.

I've been looking into implants but I'm retraining whilst working and the idea of spending ££ on surgery I'm not sure about anyway puts me off.

How do you get past your hang ups?

I'm essentially looking for ways to feel more confident about them instead of implants but appreciate that might be the only solution!!

Wish I knew the answer. My saddlebags/hip dips are really getting me down, especially since even with eating healthy and regular exercise they still remain and I’m naturally skinny overall. It’s something I really can’t do anything about yet I hate about myself.

Find a sexy man, flirt like hell, screw up your courage to sleep with him then ask for loads of compliments. Most blokes will love your body whatever.

For me, getting properly fitted with some nice lingerie...and alcohol 😂

My male friend told me that confidence is more of a turn on that the actual physical appearance but I can't force it.

@HotChocolate16 sorry to hear you feel the same. It's shit isn't it!

@georgarina tried that and they barely fitted the underwear because they are so non existent and shit. Also he barley drinks so it would basically be me getting drunk by myself. It was 100% sober sex which was new to me!!

Doesn't help that he's incredibly buff. Like a fucking Calvin Klein model.

And I didn't even enjoy it because I was so anxious about it

Go to the beach/swimming pool & see that perfection doesn't exist

@HotChocolate16

Have you looked at lipodema?

Generally, I remember that in 30 years I’m going to look back at how I look now with complete envy and wish I’d given myself a break and just enjoyed it.

I’m healthy, relatively fit and strong, look pretty good when I scrub up, feel comfortable in myself when I don’t, and I like taking care of myself inside and out.

That’s not meant to be a horrible platitude but I wish I’d wasted less time whinging about my flaws when I was younger. I don’t want to do the same now.

Specifically, the man got to see a pair of naked boobs and he obviously enjoyed it or he’d have run away. He still wants to see you, he’s attracted to you!

Probably not a practical solution for many body hang-ups but the thing I hated the most was two moles on my face. They were removed when I was 22.

[quote maddening]@HotChocolate16

Have you looked at lipodema?[/quote]
Just looked online, they’re not as bad as this so I don’t think it’s that :/ I just can’t get rid of them

If it wasn't your boobs don't you think it would be something else worrying you?

He obviously doesn't care. He likes you and wanted to sleep with you.

I hope you can relax and enjoy being with him.

@georgarina

For me, getting properly fitted with some nice lingerie...and alcohol 😂

Omg yes you nailed it.

Please don't call them 'shit tits'... that can't be helping. Maybe be a little kinder to yourself? Also buying some pretty or sexy bras might help your confidence. Leave your bra on all through sex if it helps :)

Finding an exercise I love. Once you consider your body a tool to do amazing things and not a treat existing only for scrutiny your whole aspect changes.

I hated my flàt chest for the first half of my life. However, I then discovered my sport and in it having a flat chest was a huge advantage because they didn't get in the way.

I also married someone who fancied me without any fakeness. First date no make up, in a bikini so no hiding. He's also not massively shallow and dating a good one helped me more than I could have hoped when I think of prehusband confidence. And I do think we know deep down when we have a good one. A telltale sign is you don't have to make excuses for them.
If this date likes you truly they'll boost your confidence. Of that doesn't happen you might want to think about why that is.

Also bet he's just excited to see you without clothes on. No one analyses our bodies as much as ourselves.

Exercise (as above, preferably one that you enjoy) - you will appreciate your body as something other than a sex object, plus develop strength/flexibility /stamina that will be useful in bed!

I am very happy with my body. It is good at walking, feeding up my baby, playing the piano (badly 😁), sketching, hugging my husband, etc.
It is pretty average aesthetically. There are bits I like and bits I don't like. But I just don't really think about them. I accept that my husband fancies me because he says he does. That's enough.
I am what I inside, and what I can do. I am not defined by the length of my eyelashes or the perkiness of my breasts or the circumference of my thighs.
I know it's easy to say, but the real answer is to focus on your personality, not your appearance. If you just try to find peace by 'fixing' your appearance, you'll just find something else to dislike/worry about.

Thank you all for your kind words. They really help.I think it's become a bit of an obsession/paranoia and now I'm on self sabotage about it.

It's true I would probably just move onto the next thing if I got them "fixed".

I stopped caring when I was 40.

There will always be people who look better than you, and those who look worse.

I think about all the things my body has done. Mostly that's physical challenges - I'm a runner, though an ordinary, slow one - that I never thought I could manage

I know exactly how you feel. I had small but cute, perky boobs before ds. They went up two cup sizes when I was pregnant and I was delighted...then they deflated like two traumatised air balloons. I now have boobs that are small saggy skin sacks with stretch marks. I’m not sure what advice I’m offering others than I get it.

After I had my baby I took up burlesque classes, it's only once a week so I highly doubt its made a physical difference to my body but it has genuinely made the biggest difference to my confidence. I have wobbly bits, breasts are definitely not the same, wider hips etc, but I've learnt to love my body exactly how it is. My strong, feminine body that literally birthed and sustained my beautiful daughter! The classes are fun, relaxed, give me time to myself and I couldn't recommend them enough

We are the harshest critics against ourselves.
The beautiful people I know are very confident, these people come in different shapes and sizes with an attitude that makes them attractive, nice hair, neat polished nails, some jewellery.
You only live once, most people see what you show them, if you're insecure or confident they'll take you as you are.
Little self-care things cheers me up, the other shit I can't change.

Knowing that you’re only your own main character, I.e. no one cares about your hang ups like you do! This guy obviously fancies you enough to sleep with you. Were you thinking negative things about his body? I doubt it. And he won’t have been thinking negative things about yours.

Agreed that confidence is the most attractive thing and comes in all body shapes and sizes. Work on that and get off Instagram where it’s all identikit bodies. Go out in the real world and see how wonderfully different (and beautiful) we all are!

(Please don’t spend money on surgery you don’t really want! Of course your boobs have changed after kids. Thinking that they should still be perky is the patriarchy in action. Embrace your post-baby body!!)

And let the the guy embrace it too