To ask if anyone else’s mother is like hyacinth bouquet?!

[Laughingstock91]

My ‘DM’ considers me & my family an embarrassment. We live in a small shabby terrace. She hasn’t been to ours for Xmas ever because my stepdads kids live in a mansion so they are considered to be more worthy. It used to really bother me but now I pity their shallowness. She treats us like we are poor despite the fact we have successful professional careers etc.

Aibu to ask if anyone else has family like this? Is it an age thing? It makes me cringe to be honest! I used to get upset but now I just value the fact that I don’t have to spend Xmas with people who behave like that!!

My dad used to describe my grandmother (his mil) as a cross between hyacinth bucket and Margaret Thatcher, she wasn't very nice person to be around.

Not just my mother but my father was also like Hyacinth Bucket—- both thought they were way above everyone else. They weren’t.

FIL’s partner is. She grew up very poor, lived in a rough council estate in Glasgow. She was poor until her early 40s when she finished her degree and opened her own business. Now she’s very wealthy but she loves to let everyone know how wealthy she is. She talks over everyone and loves to constantly boast about her first class plane trips and champagne drinking with ‘celebs’ (I’ve never heard of any of them!). I just roll my eyes tbh, none of it impresses me and I just think she’s a massive idiot.

Yes maybe not to quite an extreme a level but me and DH call DM Hyacinth (privately of course, she would not find that at all funny!) Not an age thing her case she's always been that way.

It's not an age thing, she's just a rude cow. Don't be so ageist.

There's obviously much more to it. But if you asked me honestly, I'd rather go to a mansion for Xmas than a shabby terrace too. More space, nicer stuff etc. I wouldn't love my child any less, but nice surroundings do help an occasion feel nice.

Does she know how you feel?

I may also make the assumption that someone living in a shabby terrace isn't well off. Unless it's in London

@WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain it is in london. I don’t judge people by the stuff they have or the size of their house frankly.

Nor do I make assumptions or value judgements about if someone is ‘poor’ or not. Jesus.

My aunt
Lovely lady but by god she’s obsessed with everyone thinking she’s ‘posh’ even though she’s really not-she grew up in a council house and they didn’t have a pot to piss in
Daft things like shopping at Aldi but putting it all in m&s bags so the neighbours think she’s shopped at m&s and dripping with labels
I used to openly call her ‘mrs bucket’ (she called me ‘rose’)

But the dickhead she married (and thankfully divorced) really was a snob
I wasn’t worth a ‘hello’ as I lived in a council house,was a single parent on benefits and couldn’t drive
Fucking Pratt-I was so glad he buggered off with a common woman who was the same as him-neither had any class or manners
I haven’t seen him since and my aunt is well rid

I think my children think this about me!!😂 They say i have a posh mum voice!

My mum puts a lot of value on money and background whilst being terrible with money herself and quite slovenly in some areas. She is just very impressed by wealth and can't see past it or lack of it to the real person which is a shame. As a result I'm totally the other way and couldn't give a fig as long as people are decent.

My mum. She’s really snobby even though she does not come from a position of wealth. For example, when house hunting last year, she refused to look at a great property because it was down a ‘rough’ street. It really wasn’t. She is also really hung up on certain brands or places that she considers to be ‘nice’. So for example, she would buy a dress from Boden not because she loved it, but simply because in her eyes it’s a ‘good’ brand.

I honestly hope I never treat my kids like lesser beings because their house isn’t big enough. Truly dreadful!

Sister in law admitted once that she bought tesco kids clothes a year or two ahead so now one would know
Drives around in a new car
Each to their own. I love tesco clothes to be honest

I wouldn't care if my son was in a bed sit, I would rather be with him as I love him so much.

[quote Laughingstock91]@WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain it is in london. I don’t judge people by the stuff they have or the size of their house frankly.[/quote]
But you are judging people by their age... quote; "Is it an age thing?"

No it's not.

@Rubyupbeat exactly! That’s how I feel! I can’t get my head around it to be honest. Especially this idea that ‘terraced houses are poor and not good enough for Xmas’ - what absolute shallow bullshit!!

@FuzzyPuffling in my mums case it is an generational thing. I am not being ageist.

Not my mum, but my gran. When my grandad died she took a break from mourning to be tickled pink that a local posho from the golf club and church who’d been high up in the army and who every calls “the Colonel” was coming to the funeral and had got her the golf club for the reception. It was very Hyacinth to watch her intermittently ugly-crying and then putting on a posh voice for the Colonel throughout the reception. She also spent quite a bit of time attempting to keep the rougher cousins out of his way as they shoved buffet sandwiches into their pockets.

My mum was feeling very poorly and was seemingly delirious with fever etc. My dad rang the doctor to ask for an urgent house visit. When my mum heard this, she jumped up and insisted on changing into a nicer nightdress and brushing her hair before the doctor's arrival.

My MIL is exactly like Hyacinth and FIL is like Richard. It is as though someone made a sitcom about them!

[quote Laughingstock91]@FuzzyPuffling in my mums case it is an generational thing. I am not being ageist.[/quote]
You're assuming everyone of a certain generation is like your mum.

it's not an age thing, it's a YOUR MUM thing.

There is a difference.

When my Dad was researching my Mums family tree for her, he discovered by Great great grandmother (so the grandmother of my hyacinth bucket granny) was raised in a workhouse, so he asked my gran about it, she was not amused in the slightest at having that part of her family history bought up. She much prefered to be seen as the wife of a WW2 RAF Officer (pilot) rather than having been descended form the workhouse, which did NOT fit her snobby, condesending narrative at all!

My mother downplayed half of her heritage (indigenous) and upped the Scottish side. I have no connection to my heritage as a result. Also whitewashed our life when we moved town and was extremely pissed off to find out i’d told my friend my dad was not my bio dad . Mother’s eh, who’d have them?

My mil is. She makes barbed comments every time she visits about how shit our house is, except we live in London and she lives in a much cheaper part of the country and our house is actually worth about 4x the price of hers!