To ask if anyone else’s mother is like hyacinth bouquet?!

[Laughingstock91]

My ‘DM’ considers me & my family an embarrassment. We live in a small shabby terrace. She hasn’t been to ours for Xmas ever because my stepdads kids live in a mansion so they are considered to be more worthy. It used to really bother me but now I pity their shallowness. She treats us like we are poor despite the fact we have successful professional careers etc.

Aibu to ask if anyone else has family like this? Is it an age thing? It makes me cringe to be honest! I used to get upset but now I just value the fact that I don’t have to spend Xmas with people who behave like that!!

My beloved mum was as far from Hyacinth as it's possible to be. She didn't have a snobbish bone in her body.

She did however used to have a 'posh' telephone voice that would switch on automatically whenever she picked up the phone. It used to crack us up and she could never understand what we laughing at.

Oh God how I miss her!

@MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat well that’s it too isn’t it? Our shitty london terrace is worth 3 times the mansion with the large gardens! And about 5 times my mothers house too- nonsense really!!

My mum wasn’t happy that we spent 60k extending our (I think lovely) large Victorian end terrace rather than selling and buying a new build show home despite the fact we have much more space in our current house.

Our terraced house is worth over a million, and we're not in London. Would rather be here for Christmas than some new-build 'executive' detached.

Oh yeah. The only thing she wants to know about anyone is “what’s their background?” And if the answer is anything other than white lower middle class she responds with “oh, how interesting!”

She also told me with no irony whatsoever that the lockdown restrictions on seeing family indoors weren’t for people like us, they were for people with small rooms in their houses, who use buses and have to deal with the public at work.

@Hemingwayscatz

FIL’s partner is. She grew up very poor, lived in a rough council estate in Glasgow. She was poor until her early 40s when she finished her degree and opened her own business. Now she’s very wealthy but she loves to let everyone know how wealthy she is. She talks over everyone and loves to constantly boast about her first class plane trips and champagne drinking with ‘celebs’ (I’ve never heard of any of them!). I just roll my eyes tbh, none of it impresses me and I just think she’s a massive idiot.

Is she Michelle Mone?

I am fortunate enough to work in an industry that pays very well and as such, earn a a very good salary. My mum LOVES this is and whenever I’m around her friends or members of our extended family, tries to set up opportunities for them to know how well off I am, as if it’s a direct reflection on her.

“Oh Borracha, show Aunty Jill your new watch. You bought that with your bonus did you say? How much was it again?”

CRINGE

My MIL can be a bit like this, we was in a shop a really weeks ago and she was buying some toiletries and waved her card and said 'this should do it, there's a few grand in there' it was so cringey.

I think you're muddling muliple possible issues here, maybe your mum is a snob, but picking where to go for christmas is not necessarily a part of that - chosing to gather at a large well-appointed house just makes sense for practical reasons and it is what I would do, not because I look down on people who live in small terraces (I live in one!) but the bigger house is likely to be better set up to accomodate multiple guests and the visit is more enjoyable if people aren't bashing elbows crammed around a small table, the kitchen is properly equipped to serve a large multi-course meal, etc.

[quote Laughingstock91]@WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain it is in london. I don’t judge people by the stuff they have or the size of their house frankly.[/quote]
Preferring to go to one house over another isn't judging. It's just having a preference. I think most people would prefer a mansion over a tight terrace.

Unless you tell her it hurts, she won't know

[quote Laughingstock91]@FuzzyPuffling in my mums case it is an generational thing. I am not being ageist.[/quote]
Those two statement contradict themselves.

MIL is like this. When DD1 got her first boyfriend she asked if he was "from a good family?". She also has form for saying 'Do you know who he (fil) is?' in certain gastro pubs - no Mil, they don't. Fil retired before they were born!

DCs once bought her a bucket of Hyacinths for Christmas 😁

Thankfully not.

Though I did know the real life brother of Onslow!!!