I need to make a final decision on my SIL's overseas wedding as invitations are in the post.
In a nutshell, I don't want to go, nor send my DC, but am happy for my DH to go alone, which he says he will. There will be a massive fallout though as my SIL and MIL/ FIL will see it as a massive snub.
My reasons are thus. I do not have a positive relationship with my SIL. I tried to be friendly with her for many years and have been extremely generous with her many, many times, only to be treated with constant indifference. I seemed to be a massive threat that caused upset and drew attention away from her WRT her parents and extended family and she acted like a spoilt brat many times. As a mature woman, she still acts like this. MIL is her no.1 enabler.
SIL has never once spent any time with my DC, helped us out when we needed help, has never bought me or my DC a gift, despite our generosity to her. She has deep pockets and short arms and any £ directed away from her, means she has less to spend on her self indulgent self.
My DH doesn't want to go, but says he is because his mum will get upset. I don't want to and I don't want to send my DC either. In their words, they wouldn't know her if she walked past them in the street.
I'm pretty sure there will be a nuclear fallout as this is a huge loss of face, which they are very big on. I just feel that she is not in our lives, she has had enough money out of me, has never lifted a finger to do anything for us, but expects loads back and she is a massive shit stirrer WRT me and PIL.
My DH says that she just doesn't think and she doesn't realise that it is massively inconvenient and costs a lot of money which people don't have. She just sees what she wants and can't see anything else.
I just feel that I am a middle aged woman now and I shouldn't have to pussyfoot and pander to immature relatives anymore nor spend time with people, just because we are related to them.
I need to make a decision ASAP and be able to articulate it to minimise the wrath. I know I am not going, but I don't want to send my DC either and need a reason. I also need a mature, calm line to tell them why we are not going. I can't use the money one as we can afford it, but at the expense of other things, which they will think is not an excuse as it is "SIL"