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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed with DH

38 replies

PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:26

Will try and be brief.
I have 4 SK's aged 7-15. Tomorrow is DSD15 birthday. I care for them dearly and we have a great time.

I work in emergency services. I start work at 9PM until 7AM Saturday morning.

DH works from home.

I get home from work today and DH informs me, in front of all the SK's, that he has told them they don't need to go to school tomorrow (Fine, its their last day before breaking up, I wouldn't do it but not my circus etc)

Anyway it turns out DH has no AL left and so will be working all day, meaning I am expected, even subconsciously, to look after and entertain the kids, including DSD for her birthday, when I have my own things to sort, and wanted to get a sleep before I start work at 9PM.

He says I can turf them out the lounge and do what I want and he will watch them, but based on previous experiences this won't happen and he always gets caught up in work, an 'important meeting' etc.

It is a year since I miscarried and I have been crying on and off all day, my line manager even suggested I go home but I wanted to stay busy.

At no point did he run this by me, just sprang it on me when I came through the door, all excited, so I just went along with it in front of the kids but I'm so upset. If he had asked me I would have said no.

AIBU to tell him I'm going to a girlfriends house tomorrow and will be back to sleep before night shift and he will have to sort it himself??

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 16/12/2021 21:30

Do it!
Can you kip at your friend's if it's quiet there? Sounds like there might inevitably be a bit of noise at yours. I'd make sure your DSD knows it's because of your shift pattern and give her her present before you leave.
I'm very sorry for your loss Flowers

CoffeeBeansGalore · 16/12/2021 21:31

Something along the lines of - Well I will be sleeping ready for work so please keep the noise down. And lock yourself in the bedroom. He is not the only one with a job bringing in the money. He is their parent so having created this situation by his decision alone, he alone can deal with it.
Hope you get some sleep.

ChaToilLeam · 16/12/2021 21:34

I’m sorry for your loss love. 💐 You have such an inconsiderate arse of a DH. Go get some sleep, it’s not even safe for you to work in an emergency service environment having had no sleep. At some point you’re going to have to have this out with him, but get through this hard day first.

Original poster
PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:35

Thank you so much for responding.

I don't want to just stay in my room all day and I worry the kids will think it's something they've done.

Yeah I will speak to DSD before I leave, good idea.

I just feel so overlooked and bottom of the pile.

OP posts:
Dozer · 16/12/2021 21:37

Poor parenting on his part.

Original poster
PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:37

Always a silent minority voting YABU but not explaining why. Sad

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 16/12/2021 21:38

Yanbu at all.

Why on Earth would he do that??? Basically he's told the dc they don't have to go school, for no good reason, and told you to look after them.

Um, that's absurd isn't it?

Original poster
PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:39

@Dozer I agree. There attendance will be effected and even though the last day isn't a 'learning' day, it's a day of fun but I just think it sends a shit example, especially because they already all hate school.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2021 21:40

I would be reading him the riot act right now and telling him to never sign you up for something you haven't agreed to. These are his bloody kids, not yours. You are not the fucking nanny, and I would be making that crystal clear.

thenewduchessoflapland · 16/12/2021 21:41

Your DH is a CF.

Your step children are his responsibility to parent;does he share custody with their mum?

Original poster
PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:43

@aquamarine1029 oh I did tbf, via WhatsApp, and I'm now in bed with a book and told him not to talk to me.

@thenewduchessoflapland Yes, they have 50/50

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 16/12/2021 21:44

I’m sure he hasn’t done this deliberately but he has not thought this through at all. It’s really unkind if him to thrust that on you anyway but especially on the anniversary of your miscarriage.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 16/12/2021 21:44

Tbf, do any of the kids want to go to school? DS loves the last day of term as it's a sweets and fun and playing with friends instead of work. Way more fun than being stuck in the house with parents who are working/sleeping.

LizzieSiddal · 16/12/2021 21:45

Glad you’ve told him exactly how his behaviour has made you feel.

Original poster
PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:49

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea I agree but to them school is school no matter what it entails.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 16/12/2021 21:51

YANBU at all.

As a side note, if he lets his kids do this once, they'll be bothering him forever to let them off school on any day they don't want to go. Doesn't their mum mind them skipping a day?

ChimChimeny · 16/12/2021 21:53

Can you book a hotel room for the afternoon/evening to sleep before work? Check in at 2pm and you could even have room service for tea before you go to work

I am shocked he did that, he gave you zero thought at all

Original poster
PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:53

@VimFuego101 yep, rod for own back springs to mind and SS9 has already had a bit of school refusal in the past.
Their mum does the same thing 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
PollyPepper · 16/12/2021 21:53

@ChimChimeny I mean I guess I could.......

OP posts:
ChimChimeny · 16/12/2021 21:53

Doesn't their mum mind them skipping a day?

Yes this too, I'd be livid if they are already less than keen on going to school

ChimChimeny · 16/12/2021 21:54

[quote PollyPepper]@ChimChimeny I mean I guess I could.......[/quote]
I would, leave him to manage this as it is a situation of his own making

supersop60 · 16/12/2021 21:56

@PollyPepper

Always a silent minority voting YABU but not explaining why. Sad
It's a minority. Don't worry about it.
Morechocolatethanbarbara · 16/12/2021 21:59

So your "D"P already has 4 children (50% of the time) that he regularly palms off on you to look after and you think he'll be a good dad to your future child?

He's your "partner" but makes decisions that affect you without discussing them and expects you to comply?

I'd really have a rethink about if this is the man you want to have children with, obviously you have very different ideas about parenting and schooling already, so how would it work with you trying to parent a child together?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2021 22:04

Go to your friend, get some sleep, have a hug. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage and your insensitive arsehole husband.

He’s a dick. He’s a shit dad and far less than you deserve.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2021 22:06

I’m sure he hasn’t done this deliberately

How could he have accidentally told his kids they weren’t going to school while knowing he wasn’t going to be there to look after them?