To be so annoyed with DH

[PollyPepper]

Will try and be brief.
I have 4 SK's aged 7-15. Tomorrow is DSD15 birthday. I care for them dearly and we have a great time.

I work in emergency services. I start work at 9PM until 7AM Saturday morning.

DH works from home.

I get home from work today and DH informs me, in front of all the SK's, that he has told them they don't need to go to school tomorrow (Fine, its their last day before breaking up, I wouldn't do it but not my circus etc)

Anyway it turns out DH has no AL left and so will be working all day, meaning I am expected, even subconsciously, to look after and entertain the kids, including DSD for her birthday, when I have my own things to sort, and wanted to get a sleep before I start work at 9PM.

He says I can turf them out the lounge and do what I want and he will watch them, but based on previous experiences this won't happen and he always gets caught up in work, an 'important meeting' etc.

It is a year since I miscarried and I have been crying on and off all day, my line manager even suggested I go home but I wanted to stay busy.

At no point did he run this by me, just sprang it on me when I came through the door, all excited, so I just went along with it in front of the kids but I'm so upset. If he had asked me I would have said no.

AIBU to tell him I'm going to a girlfriends house tomorrow and will be back to sleep before night shift and he will have to sort it himself??

@Morechocolatethanbarbara

So your "D"P already has 4 children (50% of the time) that he regularly palms off on you to look after and you think he'll be a good dad to your future child?

He's your "partner" but makes decisions that affect you without discussing them and expects you to comply?

I'd really have a rethink about if this is the man you want to have children with, obviously you have very different ideas about parenting and schooling already, so how would it work with you trying to parent a child together?

That's a very thoughtless post. This poster has suffered a miscarriage that (understandably) still affects her. And you thought it OK to question whether she should become a parent with her partner. Really?

OP, I'm so sorry you lost your baby last year. It must hurt so much. I think you need to make a stand tomorrow - be out for the day and find somewhere to rest. Can you snuggle into a friend or family member's spare room? I'm sure they'd understand.

It's a shame that this coincides with DSD's birthday. I'm sure you will do everything you can to make sure she knows you'll be celebrating with her at the weekend/when you're next off work/not catching up on essential rest.

Your DH caused this. He should be handling it. Make sure knows this.

Thank you @Gazelda I did think that post was pretty awful and I almost replied something reassuring that the poster didn't need to concern herself with that as my baby died and I never want to go through it again, but thanks.

Apologies OP, my previous post was very insensitive, I didn't think it through. I am really sorry for your loss.

Believe me, I truly understand the heartbreak it brings and when I went through it myself, my DH was with me supporting me and grieving with me.

I am sorry that your P is not doing the same for you, because he really should be. You deserve to be loved and cherished, especially at times like this that are so hard to drag yourself through. I know how much I needed my DH to be my rock through those dark days and I honestly wish you had that support too.

Thank you @Morechocolatethanbarbara and apology accepted. He has been and is amazing with the MC. He really has been my rock. He just really dropped the ball tonight.

I wish he would just tell the kids he messed up and they need to go to school but he would never do that.

We haven't spoken all evening I've told him to leave me alone

OP

Please, please go to your friend (or a hotel).

It is the only way to teach you husband to be less thoughtless in the future.

If it's the last day/non learning day, won't they want to go to school anyway, so they can have fun and see their friends before the holidays?

Especially as we don't know where we'll be in the new year with covid.

The one day of school you wouldn't want to miss!

@Hont1986 they honestly don't care, such is their aversion to school.

@Bonheurdupasseim I'm going to. I have woken up still very angry with him and his lack of thought. Can't get a hotel as check in is from 3 and I need.to be at work for 8:30PM so doesn't seem worth it. I'm taking the dog to a friends and hanging out there until I need to come back and sleep, I think they're going to.the cinema at 4:30 so will be back for then.

I'm so upset.

You need to have a serious talk with him after today and tell him how utterly upset you are.

3pm check in is late. You should be able to get an earlier check in if you look around. If you can get 2pm that gives you 5/6 hours sleep

Yanbu

You can tell the children your thoughts before you go - and you can also do something - one thing nice with them in the morning . Make it clear that you are doing one nice thing and then leaving . That it is DH time. This way , point made , kids have a bit of nice time to enjoy and DH gets a couple of hours to work indostrubedbin the morning but has to do the rest , work pressure or no work pressure . You meanwhile get to feel smug for having done a bit for sk and birthdays , but still make the point and look after yourself and your sleep.

It will be less heated than just walking out and doing nothing

Hope it goes well

X

Just to update I've been out since 7AM, shopping and seeing friends. Popped back in at around midday to pick up the dog to walk with friends and he was in a zoom meeting, kids just watching TV and said they were bored. I just said 'well perhaps school would have been more fun'. DSD on her phone bored. I left after about 5 mins but have had to come back now to sleep. He's creeping around and done a load of housework I guess trying to make amends, but I've not even spoken to him. I'm just so sad and angry with him.

Good for you, hopefully this is the last time he pulls a stunt like that!