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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas plans, AIBU

53 replies

Thebig3 · 16/12/2021 19:46

So will try and keep this brief...me and 2 siblings. One sibling is very anti vaxx and believes many, many conspiracy theories about covid. He lives about 4 hours away from me and my parents so I have managed to avoid most of his ranting on the subject.

Anyway, this Xmas he wants to come up and visit (my parents and I havent seen him and his family for 2 yrs). Both our parents are 75yrs and both have underlying health conditions. I am CEV and was shielding. We are all triple Jabbed.

My brother however, refuses to be vaccinated and also refuses to test, says its against his beliefs to test.

My mum and dad are obviously concerned at the moment and have pleaded with him to do a LFT before he visits just so they can be extra safe. He is flat out refusing. I have now refused to see him as I have a health condition that would end me up in hospital if I got covid. I also have 2 children with bad asthma who are too young to be vaccinated.

My parents are feeling guilty as they haven't seen him and his kids in so long. I've told them it's not them that should feel guilty as all they are asking is for him to do a test....not like that are trying to force him to get vaccinated!!

Please tell me they're not being unreasonable requesting this!?!

OP posts:
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 16/12/2021 19:48

I wouldn’t be seeing him in your situation or if I did it would be outside for a walk.

Gagagardener · 16/12/2021 19:51

The person who died from the omicron variant was, I understand, a denier.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/12/2021 19:53

You’re not in the least.

He is deranged, I’m afraid.

I understand that people have various reasons for not wishing to vaccinate. I don’t agree but I sort of understand.

Refusing to test, though, is just not acceptable. He would rather risk his parents and sister than effectively put a cotton bud up his nose/in his throat? That really is tin foil territory. Shaving carries greater risk.

Please don’t let him anywhere near you/your parents.

Suzanne999 · 16/12/2021 19:54

He’s being very selfish. How can a simple LFT be “against his beliefs” ?

Even if he was vaccinated he should still do a test before visiting your parents.

Icantremembermyusername · 16/12/2021 19:54

For some reason I am feeling more nervous this year. Same job, same family set up but we are all more cautious. I wouldn't be spend the 'most magical time of the year' with some one who can't be arsed to do a quick swab and test.

surreygirl1987 · 16/12/2021 19:56

I think this is the first time I've seen a 100% consensus on here... that says a lot!

Elisemum · 16/12/2021 19:57

You should absolutely stand your ground! He can believe whatever he wants to believe as long as he studs away. If he wants to visit YOUR house then he either plays by your (absolutely reasonable!) rules or doesn’t come.
Please take care of yourself, your kids and your parents. If getting a test is against his believes then fine, nothing left for you but to tell him he is not coming. And please tell your parents not to feel guilty becouse he is a jerk. He should be feeling guilty.

Twinkle1989 · 16/12/2021 19:58

We are in a similar position with our family - all vaccinated and testing apart from 2 anti-vax Covid-deniers.
Guess who isn't invited to Christmas dinner?

nancybotwinbloom · 16/12/2021 19:58

Really selfish of him. Why won't he take a test?

Amberflames · 16/12/2021 19:59

My brother however, refuses to be vaccinated and also refuses to test, says its against his beliefs to test.

And what belief would that be? The belief of being a twat?

Is he always this much of a dick head OP?

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/12/2021 19:59

surreygirl1987

I think this is the first time I've seen a 100% consensus on here... that says a lot.”

Absolutely. Please remember this when he tries to browbeat you into submission (which from what we have learned of him from your post will be next, no doubt). Don’t succumb. He is totally out of order.

Leeds2 · 16/12/2021 20:01

Where are he and his family staying on this visit? Because I would be insisting on a hotel. Nor would I be seeing him, and I would try and make sure DP did the same.

Original poster
Thebig3 · 16/12/2021 20:07

Wow I hadn't expected a response like that! Glad to see it's not unreasonable. He doesn't believe in testing as he doesn't believe that covid is real!

I definitely won't be seeing him and I'm really really hoping my parents won't either. I am speaking to them every day and trying to push the point that its him that is making the decision to not come by refusing to do the decent thing and take a test!

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 16/12/2021 20:10

YANBU and neither are your parents. Your brother is completely selfish.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 16/12/2021 20:10

Not being vaccinated wouldn’t bother me, as you say your children aren’t vaccinated and presumably your family are happy to see them. I would expect him to do a LFT though.

luverlybubberly · 16/12/2021 20:10

Even if he said he would a LFT would you believe him?

Yanbu to be extra cautious because of your health

Snowmanuel · 16/12/2021 20:25

Your brother is not only selfish, he’s unbelievably stupid. ICUs are almost exclusively occupied by the unvaccinated. But he won’t believe that, even if he saw it with his own eyes. Even if he contracted it I suspect he’d find a way to warp it.

StoneofDestiny · 16/12/2021 20:49

Your brother might need a test of his sanity never mind Covid

RainbowZebraWarrior · 17/12/2021 08:31

@Snowmanuel

Your brother is not only selfish, he’s unbelievably stupid. ICUs are almost exclusively occupied by the unvaccinated. But he won’t believe that, even if he saw it with his own eyes. Even if he contracted it I suspect he’d find a way to warp it.
Yup. My uncle (anti vaxx Covid denier) had his two staff come down with Covid. Then he became ill with same symptoms and blamed it on... an infected tooth which gave him a chest infection!! (Never tested or isolated of course)
underneaththeash · 17/12/2021 08:35

If he's falling down the conspiracy worm hole he'll be bloody annoying and crap company anyway.

They need to say that they're not going to have any visitors this Christmas.

CactusLemonSpice · 17/12/2021 08:46

I think he's entitled to feel as he does about covid and the vaccines. That in itself does not make him 'deranged' Hmm. It's an entirely valid personal choice, as many seem eager to forget. However, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to take a lateral flow test.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/12/2021 08:50

Denying the existence/effects of Covid is in no way a valid, personal choice. It is denying fact. He is deranged.

Superstar22 · 17/12/2021 08:50

Do not let him see your parents. Never mind you. Selfish idiots filling our hospitals with their avoidable severe illnesses/ needs but can’t spend 15 mins getting a simple jab. Then having the cheek to force their stupid views and risk on to other.
I’d totally avoid him. He doesn’t respect or care for your parents, their health and their quality of life so why bother with him.

CactusLemonSpice · 17/12/2021 08:52

@surreygirl1987

I think this is the first time I've seen a 100% consensus on here... that says a lot!
It's a bit worrying imo, look at the language, 'ranting', 'deranged', 'deniers', 'anti-vaxxers' people saying they feel more cautious and they're not sure why and gleefully uninviting family members from Christmas meals because they choose not to have a voluntary medical procedure... I do agree that there's no harm in him taking a test in this instance, but the narrative around this thing is worrying imo
Iwonder08 · 17/12/2021 08:54

He is an idiot. Vaccine is his choice, but test is a basic simple free thing to do. Even if he denies covid existence for some unknown reasons then the worst thing that can happen is 5 seconds discomfort in his nose to reassure his loved ones.