Was the punishment not severe enough

[countesskay]

My daughter was suspended from school last week along with their friend for attacking another child. (3 days) I was in utter shock about this and explained so when I got to the school.

My DD wouldn't talk during the meeting, but afterwards explained that the boy was a friend and her part in this was 'flooring him' swiping him.off his feet, her other friend then jumped on his back.

This stupidly happened because my DD and the other child involved took things too far after a Santa hat was swiped from the head of the other friend by the victim.

My daughter 11 had the following punishment.

A whole day/evening in their room, no electronics, phones etc.

A cancelled weekend trip to grandma's where their brother went alone. She stayed in the house with me.

No phone during the whole suspension.

No internet access at all, apart from school work.

No consoles during school hours, but had access Saturday and Sunday

We had the reintegration meeting today and the teacher openly said ' we wouldn't expect any gaming devices at all during the time'

I wish they'd have discussed these ideas before the exclusion. They were excluded Friday so with the weekend that's 5 days.

The messages seemed mixed in the meeting in front of my DD, the attack was vicious and malicious, however it is likely the other child will want to be friends with DD again and they can organise a restoration chat?

I feel annoyed tbh, this is the first time we've ever experienced this and I tried to read as much advice online as I could.

DD was spoken to calmly about the cause and effect, especially the dangers of hurting someone whether it's playful or not. We also gave them ample reflection time alone as well as losing the privilege of seeing their grandma and speaking to their friends for a week or have their phone
We got them to do school work during school hours despite being set one piece a, day by the school.

Advice online seems to be to discuss, give a consequence and try to move on

But now I just feel like a shit mother.

(she has low level behavior issues anyway, bottles feelings, feels overwhelmed with school and doesn't enjoy it, gravitates towards the 'silly' kids and joins in, play fight, late to lessons )

Was I too Lenient? I'm a over thinker and struggling with this at the moment.

@UndertheCedartree

It is not up to the teacher how you choose to deal with your DD at home.

This. Although I haven't RTFT yet admittedly...

Regardless of the whats and whys of the situation I would not allow a school to dictate to me how I parent/punish my child at home. I get sick of schools thinking that the parents are all pupils, too, and that they can dictate to them. I really don't know who teachers think they are!

Unless the tech was part of the problem (eg bullying on social media) then I would not have removed it during non school hours.

Punishment in children is meant to be about making them realise their wrong, it’s not about cruelty. Consequences should be related to the offence.

Sounds about right. And it's not up to the teacher to tell you how to punish your child. In all honesty, it doesn't found that bad. A bit of messing about which went too far.

I think the punishment was about right.

Punishments that go too far are counter productive imo.

It's the first time you've had to do it. Taking the phone and internet away is a decent punishment. Lots of parents ground the kids for weeks on end, but they still have phones, internet and consoles so it's totally undermined.

Short, sharp punishments work much better imo, especially when it's not a repeated ongoing thing. There is very little to be achieved in making kids think that they have nothing left to lose.

@Mustreadabook

So the teacher thinks 3 days without tech is right if the child was suspended on a Monday but 5 days without tech if they were suspended on a Friday? That doesn't sound fair. To be honest this doesn't sound like a malicious attack to me it sounds like silly horseplay with no thought for the consequences

It doesn't matter whether it was a malicious attack or silly horseplay, the teachers will consider the potential for injury and want to send a message to other children about what is a very big no-no.

Swipe the feet from under him- he could have banned his head and fractured it. Or he could have landed on his face and broken his teeth (I saw that once. 11 year old with dentures as a consequence.).
Jumped on his back? Fractured spine,broken neck Tec etc
These are the reasons why the school came down so hard on the girls and expected mUm to back the school - after all, there is no point in suspension if they enjoy themselves.
The OP struck the right balance and should stop worrying. The children will be friends again while you over think this. It was rowdy play and no one was hurt.Relax!

I'm not sure what 'swiping ' involves but if it bring someone crashing to to ground suddenly I imagine it could be dangerous - unless it was a grassy area? I think you got it about right. The letter is a very good idea.

Wow, I think you and your daughter have been very lucky. If that was me I would have reported it to the police

With mine I would remove the thing that matters the most. Phone would gone and consoles. But as a result you suffer too... remember she can chat online with console. No really punishment to mine if they didn't go tbh.

a 3 days exclusion is very severe- on the edge of a permanent exclusion. Most schools do 1 or 2.

I'm amazed at all these schools that actually punish assault! My son got punched in the face at school recently resulting in a black eye and the school refused to even speak to the lad who did it and just said they'd 'monitor it', which basically means do fuck all!

So where exactly was her punishment. Absolutely too light. Need to gain control of your child.

@CharlotteGoldenblattYork

I'm amazed at all these schools that actually punish assault! My son got punched in the face at school recently resulting in a black eye and the school refused to even speak to the lad who did it and just said they'd 'monitor it', which basically means do fuck all!

I'd report it to the police. It's assault

Trust your judgement, you know your child best. It's not for school to decide or judge on punishment at home. Plus some children struggle with emotions and appropriate reactions if you believe child is remorseful that's fine.