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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to go out drinking with some friends?

49 replies

Sophie1029734 · 15/12/2021 20:33

Hi everyone, I'm 22. I've been with my partner nearly 4 years and we have a 2 year old together.

I'm a shy person and even still I've struggled to make friends with his brothers, cousins etc My partner hates partying and drinking, but I want to go out with them and have fun, try and build on friendships. I havnt been out since I met him because if his views about it. After being a mum I want to be in a new environment, just let loose for a night and have fun. He is telling me I cant, that if i do he will leave me. I think hes worried that I'll cheat 😑
AIBU to want to go to some clubs with friends?
AIBU to leave LO with him for a night?

OP posts:
Siameasy · 15/12/2021 20:34

You can, he doesn’t own you and if he leaves he’s pathetic and you’re well rid.

HelloDulling · 15/12/2021 20:38

He wants to stop you having any life without him. But soon you’ll have no life with him. Please don’t go along with this.

Original poster
Sophie1029734 · 15/12/2021 20:38

Hes useing me leaving LO as an excuse to not want me going, when before I had a baby he was the same. I've breastfed her to sleep every night so she struggles to sleep any other way but I've said, every night up until I go outm You try and put her to sleep so she is used to it. But it's not good enough. After I come up with a solution, theres a new reason such as what if I'm peer pressured in to drugs?? (I'm not going in to that, but I'd literally never) what if I come back too late and wake LO up? What if I get too drunk? What if I cheat? Etc

OP posts:
PuntasticUsername · 15/12/2021 20:45

Red flags all over this one, OP 😬

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 15/12/2021 20:47

@Sophie1029734

Hes useing me leaving LO as an excuse to not want me going, when before I had a baby he was the same. I've breastfed her to sleep every night so she struggles to sleep any other way but I've said, every night up until I go outm You try and put her to sleep so she is used to it. But it's not good enough. After I come up with a solution, theres a new reason such as what if I'm peer pressured in to drugs?? (I'm not going in to that, but I'd literally never) what if I come back too late and wake LO up? What if I get too drunk? What if I cheat? Etc
Can a friend or parent look after LO overnight? And then have you move in with them for a while? Because being at home does not sound like a good environment for you.
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/12/2021 20:48

You know this is not normal OP. Fair enough if he doesn't like drinking and clubbing. But trying to stop your partner seeing their friends and doing things they enjoy is controlling and abusive. Everyone has the right to go out with their friends if they want to, without threats or sulking or their partner threaten to stop doing their share of childcare. Even if he 'lets' you go out, if he sulks or withdraws to 'punish' you for it, that's unacceptable.
I'd tell him breaking up is fine, because when he is gone you'll be able to do whatever you want without getting shit for it when you're doing absolutely nothing wrong

Pinkflipflop85 · 15/12/2021 20:49

He is vile.

cherrypie66 · 15/12/2021 20:58

He is controlling you everybody needs to go out with their friends this is not ok

Spudina · 15/12/2021 21:05

This is not normal OP.
You are in an abusive relationship. He has no right to control you in this way.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 15/12/2021 21:16

He is controlling you. Does he dictate your life in other areas? Are you allowed to spend money on what you want? Are you allowed to make decisions on family life or does it always end up that what he wants happens? Do you have a job?

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 15/12/2021 21:21

He sounds controlling and possibly (likely) abusive.

Do you always have to do what he wants ?
Is money split equally ?
Are you allowed to have friends ? Visit your mum?
Go places without him ?

ChangeChingyChange · 15/12/2021 21:24

Abuse abuse abuse!! Stand up to him now, don't let him control you. If he continues ask him to leave.

shinynewapple21 · 15/12/2021 21:32

What's your relationship with your parents like OP? Would you be able to move back home for a bit?

Voice0fReason · 15/12/2021 22:01

This is controlling and abusive.
He is stopping you from going out and holding you responsible for his action.
Find a way out of this relationship, it will never improve.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2021 22:04

Red flags- controlling, manipulative - end it! Who is he to tell you why you can and can’t do!

minipie · 15/12/2021 22:07

He wants you at home where he can control you.

Please remember you are both adults. He is not in charge of you. You can go out if you want. It is normal for people to go out, including mums of 2 year olds. He is not in charge of you.

Is he quite a bit older than you by any chance?

Changemaname1 · 15/12/2021 22:09

Ah bless you op this sounds shit , you are 22 this is no way to live . He sounds a controlling dick

PinkiOcelot · 15/12/2021 22:09

He’s a controlling arse hole!! Tell him to one and go out and enjoy yourself.
I’m surprised that you’ve got any friends to go out with tbh with the way he goes on.

Hapoydayz · 15/12/2021 22:13

This is not right. Of course you should go out. Does he go out? This is quite a scary level of control he's trying to implement. Why is he so incompetent in getting his child to sleep?

Valhalla17 · 15/12/2021 22:20

Do you want to be locked away for the next 60 years OP? Get out now while you can. You only have one life and you need to live it.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/12/2021 22:40

🚩I havnt been out since I met him because if his views about it.

🚩He is telling me I cant that if i do he will leave me

🚩Hes useing me leaving LO as an excuse to not want me going

🚩After I come up with a solution, theres a new reason such as what if I'm peer pressured in to drugs?? (I'm not going in to that, but I'd literally never) what if I come back too late and wake LO up? What if I get too drunk? What if I cheat? Etc

He's controlling you, and I imagine you've let him because you're shy and not very confident? Please leave before you get in any deeper. It's easier to leave now than years down the line

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/12/2021 22:41

Yabu to stay with someone so controlling and jealous.

Fuck that.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/12/2021 22:51

You know this isn’t right
This level of control is abusive
It will damage your daughter as well as you
Please start making plans to leave
Don’t let this go on.
Don’t let him know anything is wrong till you go

Palavah · 15/12/2021 22:54

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

🚩I havnt been out since I met him because if his views about it.

🚩He is telling me I cant that if i do he will leave me

🚩Hes useing me leaving LO as an excuse to not want me going

🚩After I come up with a solution, theres a new reason such as what if I'm peer pressured in to drugs?? (I'm not going in to that, but I'd literally never) what if I come back too late and wake LO up? What if I get too drunk? What if I cheat? Etc

He's controlling you, and I imagine you've let him because you're shy and not very confident? Please leave before you get in any deeper. It's easier to leave now than years down the line

This.

How old is he?

ChaToilLeam · 15/12/2021 23:00

Fuck that, he is a controlling arsehole. Do you have family or friends you can turn to? Because this will just get worse.

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