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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to go out drinking with some friends?

49 replies

Sophie1029734 · 15/12/2021 20:33

Hi everyone, I'm 22. I've been with my partner nearly 4 years and we have a 2 year old together.

I'm a shy person and even still I've struggled to make friends with his brothers, cousins etc My partner hates partying and drinking, but I want to go out with them and have fun, try and build on friendships. I havnt been out since I met him because if his views about it. After being a mum I want to be in a new environment, just let loose for a night and have fun. He is telling me I cant, that if i do he will leave me. I think hes worried that I'll cheat 😑
AIBU to want to go to some clubs with friends?
AIBU to leave LO with him for a night?

OP posts:

DowntonCrabby · 15/12/2021 23:02

Option 3. Leave the controlling anisotropic dick.

You deserve better OP, his behaviour is not OK.

DowntonCrabby · 15/12/2021 23:03

*abusive, no idea what autocorrect tried to do there!

TheCatterall · 15/12/2021 23:10

What if you cheat….

You aren’t the problem OP. He is. He’s either massively insecure and pushing those issues onto you in which case he needs therapy.

Or he’s controlling you with this behaviour so you don’t feel able to have time away from him etc in which case you could try therapy but honestly I’d start looking deeper at your relationship.

Does he encourage you in studying/career/life in general/family relationships outside your home…

Is he happy with the three of you at home against the world…

Does he think it’s acceptable that you never again go out or socialise?

What if you go out with friends for coffee. Afternoon tea? A meal…

Elieza · 15/12/2021 23:37

Before you know it he will be telling you what to wear and calling you a whore.

People need to have trust for relationships to survive. He does not trust you. It doesn’t look good for your relationship.

What are your options if you leave him or kick him out?

CandyCane17 · 15/12/2021 23:44

As others have said, red flags all over the place! This is NOT normal.

Auntycorruption · 16/12/2021 07:16

This is not ok.

He is abuseing you.

If he senses you realising this he may up his game - do NOT trust him with any contraception expectations. An easy way for him to tie you down again is to get you pregnant again. Do not allow this!!!

Can you talk to friends or family? Or womens aid?

Cam2020 · 16/12/2021 07:25

Let him leave you then, he's a controlling shit.

picklemewalnuts · 16/12/2021 07:32

I came on to agree that this isn't the time to be out drinking with mates.

However that was before I saw his coercive control of you. Forget drinking with your mates, you need to leave- or he does.

Do you have family support? Friend you can stay with? You really need to get away. How old is he?

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 16/12/2021 09:37

I think I've realised stuff I didnt before. I'm gonna go out with friends, I know little one will scream all night because all she is used to is the breast but its just 1 night. Im honestly really excited and I'm ignoring his thoughts. I currently feel like this big urge to stay in but in gonna ignore it 😁 x

OP posts:

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/12/2021 10:39

Is there not someone else who can have your baby overnight? Don't leave her to scream with him all night

ANameChangeAgain · 16/12/2021 10:43

Sorry, but this is a LTB
Not because of a night out, but the fact he is controlling you. You aren't going to cheat, you aren't going to take drugs (is he projecting?), and he isn't your prison officer.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 16/12/2021 10:46

She's 2 not 2 months. She doesn't need to be breastfed to sleep. He should be perfectly capable of settling his own daughter.

I do think you're a little old for clubbing tbh but bit that's what you and your friends like to do then it's not his place to tell you what to do.

Who the fuck does he think he is to tell you where you can and can't go? Go out with your friends and tell him to man the fuck up and look after his daughter.

Like hell does he get to control you and I'd tell him that for.

thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2021 10:54

Fuck this for a game of soldiers. He's a controlling arsehole. Just don't put up with this sort of shit. You have every right to go out with friends (within reason).

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/12/2021 11:39

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

She's 2 not 2 months. She doesn't need to be breastfed to sleep. He should be perfectly capable of settling his own daughter.

I do think you're a little old for clubbing tbh but bit that's what you and your friends like to do then it's not his place to tell you what to do.

Who the fuck does he think he is to tell you where you can and can't go? Go out with your friends and tell him to man the fuck up and look after his daughter.

Like hell does he get to control you and I'd tell him that for.

A little old for clubbing?! Don't be daft.

Penguinsmum · 16/12/2021 11:41

This is not normal. I couldn't live like this. But it's your choice wether to accept this type of behaviour.

pointythings · 16/12/2021 11:46

By all means go out.

Then dump his controlling arse.

PuntasticUsername · 16/12/2021 11:53

"Is there not someone else who can have your baby overnight? Don't leave her to scream with him all night"

Understandable sentiment but he's her dad, he needs to be able to look after her.

19lottie82 · 16/12/2021 11:57

I do think you're a little old for clubbing tbh

I dread to know what you must think of me…… I’m almost forty and still go clubbing a few times a year 😂

Chikapu · 16/12/2021 11:58

I do think you're a little old for clubbing tbh but bit that's what you and your friends like to do then it's not his place to tell you what to do

At 22? Give over, I was still clubbing at 38 and wasn't too old.

OP, is he the same age? Have a serious think if this is how you really want to spend your life.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 16/12/2021 12:13

@PuntasticUsername

"Is there not someone else who can have your baby overnight? Don't leave her to scream with him all night"

Understandable sentiment but he's her dad, he needs to be able to look after her.

Normally yes but this one sounds like an abusive arsehole and I wouldn't want to leave a child with them

Pinkflipflop85 · 16/12/2021 18:25

How the fuck is 22 too old for clubbing?!

I would be reluctant to leave toddler with him. He will either take his frustration with you defying him out on her, punish you for leaving her with him - or at worst be abusive towards her if she keeps crying all night.

youwouldthink · 16/12/2021 18:30

I think I'd try to leave your little one elsewhere also. Guaranteed if you go out he will have an 'emergency' reason to demand you come home
This is no way to live...its not right. Hopefully escaping for a while will let you see there is so much more to life x

Palavah · 16/12/2021 20:39

How old is he?

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 16/12/2021 20:48

No one I know has been clubbing since they were about 19. Didn't think it was something that people did much past 21 or once they had kids. No judgement, just surprised. I always thought it was a late teens thing.

Either way, it doesn't matter what you're going out to do. He doesn't get to tell you what you can and can't do. Your daughter has two parents and he should be equally capable of looking after her.

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