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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should have her?

31 replies

Juuice · 15/12/2021 18:15

DD(8) has Covid, fortunately so far I'm testing negative.

She has 6 days left of isolation. Due to the current rules about contacts not being required to isolate if they test negative, work are pressuring me to go in.

I asked my ex yesterday, DDs dad, if he'd look after DD whilst I worked, he is refusing on the grounds she should be isolating and he doesn't want to get Covid. I know this but I don't know what else to do. He's her Dad, surely it's up to him to help with this?

He lives with his girlfriend, their DD and her older son.

YANBU- he should look after her he's her Dad!!!?

YABU - he shouldn't have her.

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 15/12/2021 18:26

So rather than isolate the virus to as few people as possible.... you want to infect a load more?

BluebellsGreenbells · 15/12/2021 18:28

Tell work that there’s no other option, she can’t leave the house anyway under isolation rules so any adult would need to come to you.

That’s the rules.

boomerang6 · 15/12/2021 18:28

@Juuice I'm a single mum so do understand how hard it is but I wouldn't ask my ex to have my DD in this situation. It could potentially then spread to another household!

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 15/12/2021 18:29

I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect her to go and stay in another household that hasn’t already been exposed, even her Dad. Can’t he come and do the parenting while you are at work? If they mask up and stay separate as much as possible hopefully he won’t take it back home with him.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/12/2021 18:31

Of course it's crap for you but I'm not sure exposing her to lots of other people is helping. You're largely isolating too I assume but you want her to hang out with a step parent who will be going to work plus several types of sibling going to school.
At most I'd expect t babysitting at your house from him

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/12/2021 18:54

Sorry, work, I've just started having symptoms this morning. I'll book for a postal PCR.

girlmom21 · 15/12/2021 18:55

I agree that she should stay with you. Is it possible for you to work from home?

PinkBallPit · 15/12/2021 18:59

Due to the current rules about contacts not being required to isolate if they test negative, work are pressuring me to go in.

You don't have to isolate, but your DD does - and she's not old enough to be left home alone for six days, especially as she is unwell so you will need to stay at home with her. Your ex could look after her at your house but I understand why he doesn't want to with several other children in his own household - you've already been exposed and he hasn't.

hangrylady · 15/12/2021 19:02

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable, especially as he doesn't live alone. I appreciate the inconvenience but you risk infecting others unecssesarily.

lynntheyresexpeople · 15/12/2021 19:04

No - he shouldn't. Unfortunately you'll need to be off.

Tal45 · 15/12/2021 19:07

Work are the ones being unreasonable, what do they expect you to do with a child with covid? Send her off to infect someone else - well I guess they do. No you shouldn't send her.

TurnUpTurnip · 15/12/2021 19:10

No he shouldn’t

Bubblty · 15/12/2021 19:11

No he shouldn't. Your work is not his priority.

Crazycrazylady · 15/12/2021 19:12

Of course he shouldn't.
Frankly that's a bonkers suggestion.

QueenCoconut · 15/12/2021 19:15

It’s not about whether the dad should help or not, it’s about being mindful of other people and not spreading the virus to another household !

You need to keep your DD home and ensure she doesn’t come into contact with anyone else.

AD80 · 15/12/2021 19:15

He is right. I understand it's tricky for you but this is how is spreads - if you were to send your Dd there, she may infect their whole house and their contacts etc etc. She's better off at home!! This is why covid sucks for working mothers! Your work is not her dads responsibility though!

blueluce85 · 15/12/2021 19:16

Unless he comes to you, it definitely cannot happen...she cannot leave the house! But again...why risk her being around so many other people, including children who are fast becoming super spreaders, to take it into school before everyone breaks up for Xmas?

Perhaps suggest to your boss that they can come round and look after her!!!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 15/12/2021 19:19

I also understand it's tricky but he is right.

WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa · 15/12/2021 19:20

YABU - it shouldn't be mixed between households, that's ridiculous.

My DD was at her Dads when I tested positive - so she stayed there until my isolation was over. If she had been at mine she's have stayed here until we knew she was clear.

It's rubbish but it's right. Rules around contacts aren't what are relevant here for your work - you're a parent and your child is sick - THATS why you're off.

Staryflight445 · 15/12/2021 19:42

If she tested positive whilst in his care would you want her home with you?

Gooseberrypies · 15/12/2021 19:44

@Bubblty

No he shouldn't. Your work is not his priority.
Maybe not, and I’m not saying the child should go, but I’m sure he’ll decide it’s his business if OP loses her job and can no longer afford to feed or house their child Hmm
WeatherwaxOn · 15/12/2021 19:45

Work need to stop pestering you. Your daughter needs parental care and you really can't take the risk of infecting another household, or your colleagues. It's a really tough situation to be in, but I can't see any other options that are safer.

xxxGirlCrushxxx · 15/12/2021 19:46

he's right

how are we this far in with people still thinking spreading it to other households is the right thing to do?

bg21 · 15/12/2021 19:48

you know your being unreasonable lol pointless post really

HolidayTime2021 · 15/12/2021 19:56

@BluebellsGreenbells

Tell work that there’s no other option, she can’t leave the house anyway under isolation rules so any adult would need to come to you.

That’s the rules.

And they have every right not to pay you
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