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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask Dr to lie on sick note?

76 replies

SoSickHelp · 15/12/2021 14:32

Been lurking on this sub for a little while now and wanted to ask for some guidance about my 'expectations' and see if anyone has any advice if I am deemed unreasonable.

I am newly pregnant with my first child, after lord knows how many years of trying.

However I have been suffering over the past 4 weeks with 'morning' sickness (false advertising on that one!) and been struggling to work through it. At the start it was sporadic days off sick, so maybe a Monday and a Thursday of the same week as I could manage on the other days. However I am nearing day 7 of a continued period of sickness and am getting close to needing a note from my Dr.

As I am still on probation at work with 4 weeks left to go I don't want to tell them about my pregnancy, would I be unreasonable to ask my Dr not to put morning sickness on the note? Would they even be able to do that? I don't want to ask if it's an unreasonable request.

I've been feeling really low lately, I know so many women who have managed to work fine through early pregnancy and feel a bit 'weak' for having to take so much time off, does anyone have any advice on how to alleviate this as thinking ahead, even if my Dr is able to put a non pregnancy related reason for my current period of sickness, if it continues to impact work I might need to tell them as any 'fake' illness might not require continued time off etc.

OP posts:
bonetiredwithtwins · 15/12/2021 16:12

Excessive sick leave whilst on probation is likely to get your employment terminated. Better to tell them you are pregnant then you are covered by lethal protection

girlmom21 · 15/12/2021 16:12

@bonetiredwithtwins

Excessive sick leave whilst on probation is likely to get your employment terminated. Better to tell them you are pregnant then you are covered by lethal protection
Lethal protection sounds harsh Grin
julieca · 15/12/2021 16:19

Drs wont lie for you. But I have had discussion about what is put on sick notes and most Drs are quite happy to put something vague if you want to keep medical details private.

bonetiredwithtwins · 15/12/2021 16:19

@girlmom21

🤦🏻‍♀️ lack of sleep showing there!

RavingAnnie · 15/12/2021 16:23

Well my GP offered to put "virus" or similar on a sick note rather than stress a few years ago so....

rozzyraspberry · 15/12/2021 16:28

I agree with PP.

At my place of work new starts who have attendance issues during their probationary period are rarely kept on.

I think you would be in a better position if you're honest.

loislovesstewie · 15/12/2021 16:31

I had all day, all pregnancy so-called morning sickness (twice). I had to tell my employer that I was pregnant before I really wanted to as my colleagues were concerned that I was vomiting so often. I think the best way is to be honest, your colleagues will be more sympathetic to you knowing that you are pregnant rather than if it's some other sort of illness. Mine were because they knew how long we had been trying.

LefttoherownDevizes · 15/12/2021 16:36

I was signed off for weeks with HG and my GP asked if I was ok but that on the more or of I wanted something else. As I was ok I don't know what he'd have put instead but didn't even occur to me until he offered

Hizz · 15/12/2021 16:37

Your sickness has gone way beyond bracelets and ginger biscuits I think you need to see your GP again. It's 26 years since I had hyperemesis but I could still swing for anyone who suggestd bloody ginger biscuits.

BertieBotts · 15/12/2021 16:44

I actually find it quite shocking the illness is given on the note!

I've never had a sick note from a doctor in the UK, I live in Germany now and when you get a sick note from the doctor it doesn't say what the illness is, just the expected period of absence. Your employer is not allowed to ask.

RTHJ14 · 15/12/2021 16:47

Like many others have said you need to make sure you’re getting proper help - it sounds more like Hyperemisis than morning sickness. It can often still be a fight to get this recognised and treated by some GP’s but you can have anti sickness meds at this stage, and it’s unfortunate that it can be a case of trial and error until you find what works for you. There are options though - sooner rather than later will reduce the risk of dehydration, drip and hospital. Please don’t try and be brave, or soldier on - early action is key here. As for the ginger biscuits brigade…

I found A&E/hospital much more helpful and sympathetic at times than GP but then they knew me pretty well after my pregnancies and the amount of time I spent there!

Pregnancy Sickness support are a fantastic charity with an online forum via Facebook which offers moral support.

Look after yourself as best you can…

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 15/12/2021 16:50

Of course you can’t ask the gp to lie for you. It’s dishonest and unethical. Legally your employer can’t count maternity sickness against you, so I would just let the gp say morning sickness and be off as long as you need to. Good luck with the pregnancy. Hope you’re feeling better soon 💐

KatieKat88 · 15/12/2021 16:51

Ginger biscuits worked a treat for me but that's because I just felt a bit sick - please keep pushing for an actual solution from the GP because you need it! Flowers

Itsalmostanaccessory · 15/12/2021 16:55

You wont pass probation with that much sick leave.
Sick leave due to pregnancy is protected. It is better to tell them that not tell them. Still a risk, but you're not passing your probation with that much leave for no protected reason.

mugoftea456 · 15/12/2021 17:05

After reading your update I take back my ridiculous comments about remedies! So sorry. From reading your opening I assumed you were just feeling a bit shit with sickness. It's pretty clear you have something a bit more serious if you are being sick that many times.

Once again, sorry and please ignore my previous suggestions!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

SeasonFinale · 15/12/2021 17:10

You may be better off telling someone at work (HR or boss) about the pregnancy as they will not be able.to discriminate against you if you are pregnant. If on probation continued sickness may be good enough to let you go, pregnancy related sickness not but they would need to know about it.

Viviennemary · 15/12/2021 17:12

You could ask the doctor to write nausea. Which wouldn't be a lie.

Tiree1965 · 15/12/2021 17:18

I’d recommend trying acupuncture, it didn’t take my sickness away but did make it manageable. The bands then helped between appointments.

julieca · 15/12/2021 17:23

My GP wrote an obscure medical term which just meant sickness. Boss had no idea what it meant.

Flixon · 15/12/2021 17:24

I'm a GP and I wouldn't lie for any patient. A med3 is a legal document. I might put 'nausea/ vomiting' without reference to pregnancy ... but that's the best I could do

LegoPandemic · 15/12/2021 17:27

Tell work as then this absence is protected and can’t go on your sickness record.
A GP would write nausea and vomiting but the other thing that is would be a bug and you may need more time off so better to tell the truth.
With a mc it’s fair enough to write either anxiety or gynae as both are true.

Nillynally · 15/12/2021 17:33

Jesus Christ to all the posters 'you need to learn to manage it- try ginger biscuits' sorry you're unwell OP, Dr doesn't have to mention PG, take all the time you need

julieca · 15/12/2021 17:36

@flixon I wouldnt expect you to lie. But I have had plenty of GPs that will be extremely vague. One used to write the latin word for illness on sick notes as he thought it was none of an employers business what an employee was off ill with. There are many reasons why an employee does not want their boss to know their private medical details.

minimecantrollerskate · 15/12/2021 17:39

I had horrendous sickness all day long sickness throughout my pregnancy, although it got slightly better after 20 odd weeks.

I had to tell my boss really early on, as they had me down to "meet and greet" at a local agricultural show where they have a hospitality tent, so I had to tell him that I couldn't do it as I would have to keep rushing off to throw up. He totally understood and kept it totally confidential and dealt with any questions from other staff.

I agree with PP's that you should tell work, either manager/boss/HR whatever you have in your office, so that it is protected and that they are more understanding.

You also need to stress to the doctor/midwife how serious this as a friend of a friend ended up in hospital when she couldn't keep anything down.

RuthW · 15/12/2021 17:49

I work for a gp. It wouldn't be lying if you had gastric issues. Re wording is done all the time.