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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting for meal and not eating

35 replies

NameChangeCity123 · 14/12/2021 17:21

Aibu to think it's awkward that our relative always invites us for meals and then doesn't eat themselves so they can play with DS? I find it really awkward and just wish she would have something to eat too. She sees DS as often as she asks to and only lives 10 mins away so not as if it's a rarity... AIBU?

OP posts:
lockdownalli · 14/12/2021 17:47

It's MIL right? Xmas Grin

It does seem odd. Do you think she may have an eating disorder? What does she say about not eating?

What would happen if you turned up without DS?

Nearlytheretrees · 14/12/2021 17:48

I had a friend that did this, turned out she had an eating disorder

RuggerHug · 14/12/2021 17:50

How old is DS and could they mean they'll make you a meal and play so you have a break?Grin

Moonface123 · 14/12/2021 17:51

Some people have a phobia of eating in front of others.
l wouldnt make a fuss, my relatives were probably the opposite, ate me out of house and zero interest in my children..

Original poster
NameChangeCity123 · 14/12/2021 17:52

@lockdownalli

It's MIL right? Xmas Grin

It does seem odd. Do you think she may have an eating disorder? What does she say about not eating?

What would happen if you turned up without DS?

Don't think it's the eating disorder as she makes herself a meal but eats it later. No real concerns about that to be honest
OP posts:
londonrach · 14/12/2021 17:52

Sounds like she making the meal so you can relax and eat in peace. Wish someone did that for me when dd was 1-3

Original poster
NameChangeCity123 · 14/12/2021 17:52

@Moonface123

Some people have a phobia of eating in front of others. l wouldnt make a fuss, my relatives were probably the opposite, ate me out of house and zero interest in my children..
It was never something she done before our son was here
OP posts:
Suzanne999 · 14/12/2021 17:53

How old is DS and when does he get to eat? Could you try inviting the relative and , without pressure, make it all eat together.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 14/12/2021 17:53

Maybe she is happier you get a meal uninterrupted?

Ozanj · 14/12/2021 17:55

In some cultures mothers do eat last as they will play with kids / host first. Mum does this. Could it be a similar culture?

Chocolatewheatos · 14/12/2021 17:55

Although a little weird, I think it's lovely. You get to eat while little one is occupied, she can eat in peace whenever and she gets to play with DS more

Couldntmissthisonethisyear · 14/12/2021 17:55

Do you eat earlier now your son is here than before?
Maybe she's set in her ways and likes to eat at a certain time and the meal you have is too early for her but she still wants to see you all and see you enjoy a meal?
I find it a tiny bit off but nothing that would upset me or make me not want to go.

SickAndTiredAgain · 14/12/2021 17:56

It sounds like maybe she’s just trying to be nice? Is DS young, does she think it’s easier for you to have a nice meal if she’s entertaining him? I’d be quite grateful, unless there are other issues at play of course.

Teenagetrouble · 14/12/2021 17:57

Surely she is just giving you and your partner a break so you can eat a hot meal in peace. I think it’s nice - she is clearly able to remember what it is like to have a toddler and not get any time to eat.

Nevertime · 14/12/2021 17:57

Isn't she just trying to give you the opportunity to eat in peace while DC is entertained?

Rover83 · 14/12/2021 18:03

My mum often did this when my children were little, I always found it really helpful when they were too young to eat or if they were really restless.

I always recall an awful Christmas when I was breastfeeding a 2 month old and was left sat on the sofa alone while everyone else ate. I realise no-one could have fed the baby for me but it was very sad and I felt very left out

PenguinBarnotBird · 14/12/2021 18:03

Second the eating disorder suggestions. Can’t think of another reason to invite you for a meal and then not eat. Unless the relative thinks they’re giving you a break by entertaining DS while you eat?

Wonder if you could say “oh we prefer to eat all together so DS learns that mealtimes are for catching up” or similar?

Nevertime · 14/12/2021 18:05

This is the sort of thing that if you generally like the person, will have you telling people how wonderfully kind they are, but that if you don't, you tell people how strange and uncomfortable you find it..

Original poster
NameChangeCity123 · 14/12/2021 18:08

Could well be that she is trying to give us a meal in peace. Thanks for all your ideas on it guys. Definitely not putting me off going or anything like that

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 14/12/2021 18:10

Oh my god I want a MIL who does this!!!!!!!

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 14/12/2021 18:16

But if she eats with you then she can't play with DS. I can't see the problem.

happyjack12 · 14/12/2021 18:18

Did you mean she only gets to see DS when she asks? Do you not offer /ask to see her at all? perhaps she feels she needs to offer a meal as Its the only time she gets to see you all?
Could you invite her to yours?
Just trying to understand why she might do this. if its not that, just enjoy :)

GeorgiaGirl52 · 14/12/2021 18:38

Depending on her age, she might have a digestive disorder. I have not been able to go our for a meal in over a year. We get a take away or cook at home. When family comes, I cook but don't eat until they leave, for fear of having a major digestive problem while they are here. I always say "Oh, I tasted so much while I made it that I'm not hungry now" (Only my daughter knows the real reason - she is a geriatric nurse).

Madbadandusuallysad · 14/12/2021 18:42

My mother did this sometimes when my kids were babies/toddler age, to let us eat in peace even though we would tell her to eat with us she would insist.
On the other hand my uncle would sometimes not with us when we were over, turned out he was trying to downplay some medical issues related to digestion, reflux etc.

Thegreencup · 14/12/2021 18:44

It's obviously so she can poison you.