Inviting for meal and not eating

35 replies

NameChangeCity123 · 14/12/2021 17:21

Aibu to think it's awkward that our relative always invites us for meals and then doesn't eat themselves so they can play with DS? I find it really awkward and just wish she would have something to eat too. She sees DS as often as she asks to and only lives 10 mins away so not as if it's a rarity... AIBU?

OP posts:

Parusmajor · 14/12/2021 19:05

If it was my MIL (this is the kind of thing she might do) it would be because she desperately wants time alone as Grandma. And disguises it as 'offers of help' when it isn't needed and we ensure she gets lots of time but it's never enough bless her!

Original poster

NameChangeCity123 · 14/12/2021 20:11

@happyjack12

Did you mean she only gets to see DS when she asks? Do you not offer /ask to see her at all? perhaps she feels she needs to offer a meal as Its the only time she gets to see you all? Could you invite her to yours? Just trying to understand why she might do this. if its not that, just enjoy :)

No it's varied. We often have her at our house or meet for a walk/ coffee etc so not always her house and fairly frequently. I think she's trying to be kind I just felt awkward as I don't want the poor woman eating her tea late at night. She makes hers and plates it and I just feel guilty I think. I have said this to her before but she continues to do it

OP posts:

AnyOldPrion · 14/12/2021 20:16

@Parusmajor

I think this too. She has worked out that if she occupies you with food, she gets a chance to have one-to-one time with her grandson. She probably thinks it’s a worthwhile sacrifice to miss a meal, if she gets a chance to spend time with him instead. He won’t be young forever, so she’s taking her chances where she can.

And if you can stop worrying about her, or whether it’s awkward, and relax and enjoy your uninterrupted meal, then it’ll be a win-win situation.

daisyducky · 14/12/2021 20:33

I think she's just giving you a chance to have a meal together just the 2 of you. It's really kind. I can't remember when I last had a meal with just my husband

elp30 · 14/12/2021 20:38

@Ozanj

In some cultures mothers do eat last as they will play with kids / host first. Mum does this. Could it be a similar culture?

My family members do this and I do that too.
I have also been cooking and sampling as I go along and I'm not too hungry when the dinner is done.
I just serve everyone and play with the kids but eat when everyone has left.
Trust me, I have no eating disorder!

Youdoyoutoday · 14/12/2021 20:41

Maybe she thinks she is being nice and helpful by letting you eat in peace rather than having to fuss over DS!!

Offmyfence · 14/12/2021 20:55

Lovely gesture and she means well, accept it with good grace and enjoy your uninterrupted meal.

stripetop · 14/12/2021 21:02

Yeah that's a real walk in another persons shoes story. Perhaps someone did that for her when dh was young, or didn't. Perhaps it's a way for her to feel useful, and a help.

I would embrace it, she's being kind.

SarahBellam · 14/12/2021 21:02

It sounds like a win win - you get to eat a meal together while it’s still hot and without having to attend to a toddler mashing food in their hair/throwing it on the floor/trying to choke on it/etc. she’s getting to play with her favourite person in the world. Relax and enjoy it.

Moonwatcher1234 · 14/12/2021 21:25

Oh no. I do this! The rationale is that I’ve cooked a lovely meal for my friends to enjoy and I want them to be relaxed and eat…if I take care of their kids then they can eat to their heart’s content without having to worry about their little ones. Thought it was being considerate but maybe they think I’m weird!

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