To get myself a housewife?

[NotVictorianHonestly]

Would it be unreasonable to pay someone to basically be a professional housewife to prevent us all from suffocating under a pile of washing and starving to death? Is that even a thing?

Brief background: DH and I both work full time, long hours in high pressure jobs. We both have health conditions and disabilities rhat make day to day life more difficult, as a result of his DH has chronic bone crushing fatigue. This means that keeping the house running falls to me, as does looking after our DD when not in childcare. I'm on my knees with exhaustion, basically sleeping 3 hours a night because I am trying to finish my work and keep the house going once DD is in bed, and something has to give. DH giving up work wouldn't help
as he wouldn't have the physical or mental energy to run round after a toddler and keep the house, I can't quit work (much as I'd like to) as DH's condition is degenerative so I can't give up on my hard won career. We have a cleaner, but it's all the other stuff.

I thought the solution might be paid help to basically come in about 20 hours a week to keep the house clean and tidy, do the washing, put it away, leave us dinner on the hob, change the beds etc, but I'm getting nowhere finding anyone after months of trying. I've tried posting on local Facebook groups advertising for a housekeeper but just get lots of comments about it not being Victorian times and nothing helpful. Maybe because we're in North East London where, unlike Chelsea and Kensington, housekeepers are not the norm.

So: YABU I'm being completely ridiculous in thinking someone would be interested in this sort of job, or YANBU this a valid position to hire for? If YANBU, how on earth do I find someone?

(Namechanged as this is extremely outing)

YANBU Advertise in The Lady

I woukd consider this! Sadly I don't live near you.

A housekeeper of sorts?

Of course yanbu. I’m really surprised by the response your getting, would it be a total pita to split the duties up, ie hire a cleaner who does beds, send laundry out to a laundry service, find a meal delivery service? I am on the verge of all these things and I don’t even work full time or have any disabilities! (Am living in a building site though).

I guess what you're looking for is a house keeper/nanny. "Housewife" absolutely not. You're in London, there must be agencies you can contact that can provide this sort of thing. Is your job so high paying that its worth doing this though vs going part time?

Hi OP! Do you earn enough to pay well for that sort of service?

Thinking outside of the box - do you have a local person who does ironing and laundry? Could you try to find someone to collect / wash / iron / return the laundry? A lady does this in our local village, that could tick one thing off your list.

Would your cleaner be interested in a few extra hours to tick off some of the other things you are finding hard?

Do you have any local companies who do meal preps? Some close to us do meal preps, three meals a day boxed up and planned for you, just need heating up! That could outsource another layer of stress!

Apologies if not helpful 😊

the Lady jobs board

jobs.lady.co.uk/jobs/any/?order=2&over

I've often wondered why it's more accepted to get a cleaner but to get a cook is not really the done thing.

I say this because it sounds like you need a cleaner and a cook. Why not get a cleaner to start with as that's probs easier.

We are in a similar position as both work full time will 4 small kids. We have a cleaner for 15 hours a week, which sounds very extravagant as we are just a normal family (both public sector/frontline). She cleans, tidies, folds washing, changes beds and just generally makes the house look normal. We are really flexible and generally she comes for 3 hour blocks but sometimes she changes this around which is absolutely fine as long as the hours are done somewhere in the week.

We have a cleaner/housekeeper who does washing, beds, etc as well as normal cleaning. Not cooking or childcare though. She works 8 hours per week over three days so fewer hours than you're looking for. When I advertised I had loads of interest. I'm surprised you haven't. We pay £13 per hour which is around the going rate round here (ruralish SE England). I would expect pay is more in London.

We have two children with additional needs and use the DLA for one of them to pay for this. It has made such a difference.

I wonder OP whether your family is entitled to any benefit/support given your health conditions?

That's what my domestic helper does. The full rota is indeed close to 20 hours / week. The downside is that you cannot really outsource a lot of admin, only chores.

@MeltedButter

I've often wondered why it's more accepted to get a cleaner but to get a cook is not really the done thing.

I say this because it sounds like you need a cleaner and a cook. Why not get a cleaner to start with as that's probs easier.

OP has a cleaner already.

I would begin by researching how much it would cost to send the laundry out and order in pre-prepared evening meals to see whether it would be more economical than a housekeeper. Or, as others have suggested, discuss what else your cleaner might be prepared to do. My friend’s cleaner does her ironing, for example.

I'd consider doing this for you if you were near me

Thank you, I had no idea the Lady still existed! Do the people looking for jobs there though not want to work in fancy houses in posh postcodes rather than biggish but normal family houses in a scruffy London postcode?!

To ask PP's questions we are fortunate in that we earn well, and it is cheaper for me to pay someone than to reduce my hours, and keeping working full time keeps my job more secure as it is hard to do my job part-time.

I was thinking £15 per hour gross, and would obviously deal with their tax, national insurance and pensions contributions via a proper payroll. Does that seem reasonable?

We have a live out nanny but her time is spent focusing on DD, except for nursery duties, which I'm reluctant to swap for a nanny housekeeper as it works well atm and DD adores her.
I've tried to find a laundry service, but the best I can find is an ironing service where you drop off and collect which wouldn't work for us. Not keen on Laundry Heap etc as can't trust them to read and follow care labels.

Sorry if I sound a bit defeatist. Just can't see the wood for the trees!

Shame I don't live near op! Cleaner here but do shopping and some cooking for 1 lady..

Hi OP. Could you not get a daily cleaner in for a few hours every day while you’re out? Beyond general cleaning, make a rota for an extra job each day - eg. wash and change all bedding on Mondays etc etc. Maybe she would cook dinner sometimes too?

Order Deliveroo a few nights a week? It can be very healthy eg. Korean food? No washing up. Also eat out at weekends?

It can be hard having a live-in person if you’re not used to it, as it become yet another thing to deal with and it impacts the family dynamic.

Have you tried advertising on Next Door? You'd need to take references and do a short trial, but there's lots of people on there looking for cleaning extra, or home help or care or shopping and they usually find someone. I found my current cleaner on there and she's fab. I bet many cleaners would come 3 x a week and then I'd probably outsource some cooking and shopping (takeaways, Gousto or Hello Fresh so you don't have to think about food and it's delivered, use delivery for supermarket shots). Cleaner could do small shops, washing, beds as well as cleaning, I used to one who did whatever needed doing.

This is absolutely the sort of job I need would want but I’m several hundred miles away.

Wouldn't it make more sense for DH to reduce his hours rather than spending money on help? It sounds like he cannot sustain working the way he is with his health condition? That May free up more time for household chores and take the burden off you?

Next year I'm getting a cleaner who does some housekeeper roles too- making beds, laundry, organising, etc. If you advertise online that you're looking for a cleaner who can do x, y and z too, you'll find someone who can help you. I advertised on local buy and sell facebook paged which was suprisingly successful

If your current cleaner is competent have you tried asking her if she would like some extra hours? Pretty much everything on your list except making dinner would comfortably sit with what she is already doing.

I’d love a housekeeper! Sadly I don’t earn a housekeeper employing salary. Housekeeper / doer of admin would be good.

Maybe describe meals as simple family meals or something.
Shopping preparing and cooking takes a lot of time. Perhaps it needs to be more descriptive.

Yanbu and I think the salary you're proposing sounds fine. We are not in the UK so I'm no help but we recently got a live in housekeeper and it's amazing - we have so much more quality family time.

Sorry you are struggling to find someone OP. I’d have thought Housekeeper was good description not Victorian. Homehelp is only only word I can think of. I’d have thought 10-2 sort of hours 5 days a week would be attractive to lots especially if you were willing to be more flexible in school holidays.