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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get myself a housewife?

51 replies

NotVictorianHonestly · 14/12/2021 14:29

Would it be unreasonable to pay someone to basically be a professional housewife to prevent us all from suffocating under a pile of washing and starving to death? Is that even a thing?

Brief background: DH and I both work full time, long hours in high pressure jobs. We both have health conditions and disabilities rhat make day to day life more difficult, as a result of his DH has chronic bone crushing fatigue. This means that keeping the house running falls to me, as does looking after our DD when not in childcare. I'm on my knees with exhaustion, basically sleeping 3 hours a night because I am trying to finish my work and keep the house going once DD is in bed, and something has to give. DH giving up work wouldn't help
as he wouldn't have the physical or mental energy to run round after a toddler and keep the house, I can't quit work (much as I'd like to) as DH's condition is degenerative so I can't give up on my hard won career. We have a cleaner, but it's all the other stuff.

I thought the solution might be paid help to basically come in about 20 hours a week to keep the house clean and tidy, do the washing, put it away, leave us dinner on the hob, change the beds etc, but I'm getting nowhere finding anyone after months of trying. I've tried posting on local Facebook groups advertising for a housekeeper but just get lots of comments about it not being Victorian times and nothing helpful. Maybe because we're in North East London where, unlike Chelsea and Kensington, housekeepers are not the norm.

So: YABU I'm being completely ridiculous in thinking someone would be interested in this sort of job, or YANBU this a valid position to hire for? If YANBU, how on earth do I find someone?

(Namechanged as this is extremely outing)

OP posts:
ChangeChingyChange · 14/12/2021 16:18

OP you know and trust your existing cleaner - start there..explain what you're looking for and is it something she'd be interested in.

XmasElf10 · 14/12/2021 16:37

This is something I want, can afford but living in rural North Wales it doesn’t seem to be a service offered. 2 or 3 hours a day would get my cleaning, laundry and the start of an evening meal done. I have a cleaner but she’s really busy so does 3 hrs once s week. I need a daily tidy up and sort out!

Saskatcha · 14/12/2021 16:40

Could you have an au pair? Keep your nanny but help with some day to day tasks and maybe putting your daughter to bed, taking her out for a bit on a Saturday or similar?

BedSoComfyWhyLeave · 14/12/2021 16:51

She's American but there is a woman on YouTube who cooks meals for families. It looks amazing, imagine coming home to something freshly prepared for you that day that you just put in the oven or microwave.

I think what you are looking for is sometimes called a home help. There have definitely been discussions on here where someone wants a person to come in after everyone has left for school/work, clear up from breakfast, do some laundry and prep an evening meal every week day.

I don't think what you are looking for is weird or extreme and I think the pay is about right.

goodnessidontknow · 14/12/2021 16:57

We're in the same position and we're just starting to work with www.extra-help.co.uk/, they may have a franchise in your area.

minipie · 14/12/2021 17:07

YANBU. We are SW London and there’s a few people round here who have someone who does this. I have no idea where they find them though! Quite often it’s a nanny/housekeeper as they have older kids, so that may mean they find them on childcare websites, but guess that won’t work for you as you have a nanny already.

I think in your shoes I would probably try Nextdoor or agencies like Eden Private Staff (though you will get stung on agency fees). Are your kids at private school, if so ask around the parents.

Another thought, will your toddler be starting nursery school soon? If so then that will give your nanny several spare hours a day.

Lastly - and not to be negative- don’t underestimate the amount that will still be left to you unfortunately. Mental load will stay with you and so will anything you are at all fussy about. However, getting rid of some of the tasks will definitely help.

logsonlogsoff · 14/12/2021 17:51

It’s called a house keeper and people do have them. If you can afford it then go for it. I know a successful,Professional childless couple who have one and their house is immaculate and their lives the better for it! They are loaded though as they work 24/7 in their own biz

MoniJitchell · 14/12/2021 17:52

Yanbu, my friend is a housekeeper and it has never struck me as strange. She does cleaning, beds, cooking, laundry, ironing etc and loves her job.

ViceLikeBlip · 14/12/2021 17:55

Housekeepers are very common in North West london/Herts (mostly live-in though). Sounds like absolute bliss- it must be like living in a hotel!

Thatldo · 14/12/2021 18:00

If in your advert you said,looking for a housewife,I am not surprised you didnt get any replies.it is a very outdated word and if I would read this,I'd think some old dodgy git wants his house cleaned,being cooked for and sex afterwards🤮

Tangletester · 14/12/2021 18:01

I think this is a great idea. Really sounds like you and your DH need this. I would apply for the job but I’m too far away!

fallfallfall · 14/12/2021 18:03

My friends daughter batch cooks for others. Has a good client base. Weekly delivery.

DeepaBeesKit · 14/12/2021 18:32

I dunno - I think £15/hour gross is less than many housekeepers ask in the south east.

Where i live it's not unusual to charge £15/h for a cheaper and housekeepers ask more.

Strokethefurrywall · 14/12/2021 19:49

We have a housekeeper/helper who is invaluable to us (not in UK).
Cleaning, laundry, makes beds, helps kids with homework, collects them from school, ferries to activities, cooks for them, walks dog, house sits when we’re away, babysits, runs errands, gets groceries etc. She would also take kids to various appts like dental etc if I asked.

Pretty much everything we do except she doesn’t cook for DH or I as I like cooking. I also don’t have her take kids to doc appointments as we do all that.

Kids adore her, We adore her. Couldn’t be without her!

Peony26 · 14/12/2021 20:08

There’s loads of easier meals you can put in the slow cooker etc which will make life easier, and can you up the hours of your cleaner so he/ she can do the extra jobs

IvorAlotOfHeadaches · 14/12/2021 20:10

We had au-pairs and a cleaner. Worked well for several years until I retired.
The catalyst for getting help was that I started sleepwalking due to stress ( once packed a suitcase - badly - for a flight the next day in my sleep!)
It pays to really think hard about exactly what would be most useful to you and put everything in writing with your au-pair, to avoid any mis understandings.
Literally list exactly what tasks au pair would need to do and timetable roughly for her day. Be prepared to treat her as a potential lifelong friend of the family and the way in which you would want your own daughter to be treated in a similar position. We had 4 au pairs over 5 years, all Spanish and all but one now married with their own children but still keep in touch to varying degrees.

MrsPear · 14/12/2021 20:16

@NotVictorianHonestly I would happily do that job. I couldn’t do restaurant food but can do good home food - never had complaints! Seriously I’m shocked you have had no replies. Housekeepers are still very much a job - I tend to say that than housewife 🤣 if you can afford it then go for it. Btw glad to see you would offer a good wage.

FrazzledCareerWoman · 14/12/2021 20:37

Our live out nanny cooks the evening meal for the whole family and our cleaner does 8 hours a week over 3 days to keep on top of the laundry as well as clean. Can you expand your cleaners job description?

user1471457751 · 14/12/2021 21:12

If you said on Facebook you were looking for a housewife then I'm nor surprised at the responses you got.

Dixiechickonhols · 14/12/2021 21:16

Op clearly says she advertised for a housekeeper and was told it sounded Victorian/no applicants.

WaningMoon · 14/12/2021 21:17

YANBU at all OP, I would definitely buy this kind of help in if I could afford it!

GreenLunchBox · 14/12/2021 21:20

[quote MojoMoon]the Lady jobs board

jobs.lady.co.uk/jobs/any/?order=2&over[/quote]
So intrigued what this job is about. Why do they want a couple? And do you share the salary or is it each?

To get myself a housewife?
tomorrowisanother · 14/12/2021 21:24

OP, I recommend Nextdoor as well. I am in west London and there are posts regularly offering the services you have requested.

weasle · 14/12/2021 21:41

Plenty of agencies could find this. I have a cleaner / housekeeper who does the beds and ironing and a nanny / housekeeper who does after school or holiday childcare, cooks, does laundry, receives and puts away online grocery shopping. And some errands - post office, prescription collecting, eye tests and haircuts and dentists etc.
So it is out there!
Also try childcare. Co .uk and search for household help and your postcode.

Morag72 · 14/12/2021 21:50

I have had a full time housekeeper ever since I had children. Work full time in high pressure job & DH does also. We pay about £13 an hour plus tax. Our current housekeeper cleans, cooks, babysits and organised the house, stocks the fridge, does piles of Landry & ironing and organises the kids school stuff for the next day. I am obviously very lucky to be able to have this - but could never work the hours I do without her. Your local mums network on Facebook is often a good place to put an ad. I don’t think a cleaner is a good idea. Cleaners are good at scrubbing the house - but in my view that’s a once a week job. It’s the laundry / cooking and tidying up that needs doing daily.