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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty about this?

33 replies

NC4THISS · 13/12/2021 19:51

DS sleeps in his own room, in his own bed (with bed guard) and has done from just over 1yo.

Evening routine is the exact same every night. Regardless of where we are, even nights away it’s kept identical even if the exact times vary slightly:

Food 5:00
Bath 6:15
Bed 7:00

We give him a cuddle and kiss and play this little game as we’re walking out, running back for another kiss a few times. It makes him laugh, it’s cute. Then we leave, watching on the monitor from next bedroom until he’s asleep and then go downstairs.

Sometimes he stays awake bimbling about on the bed, flapping around putting teddy’s on the bed, taking them off. Changing position. Picking up dropped dummies. Changing blankets.. etc this can go on for an hour sometimes, it’s happening tonight, he literally just dropped off. On other occasions though he asleep within 10 minutes, it really varies.

We can’t stay with him because he gets fomo and doesn’t fall asleep at all then, thinking it’s playtime.

I just feel incredibly guilty watching him on the monitor, I went in a few times tonight to check he was ok. Does he think we don’t want to spend time with him? Is he just settling himself? With all the things in the news lately it’s got me wondering about how he interprets our routine.

OP posts:
Original poster
NC4THISS · 13/12/2021 19:51

Should add he’s 17m

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 13/12/2021 19:53

Imo giving your happy and content dc the chance to self settle is a life skill he will thank you for. And you will be grateful he can drop off alone!!

MrsPear · 13/12/2021 19:54

What exactly do you think you are doing wrong?!
I’m really confused

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/12/2021 19:59

As someone who sat on their toddler's bedroom floor for hours until they fell asleep at that age, I'd say carry on as you are if it's working for you

(My DS is 16 now but I still remember the wasted evenings!)

Original poster
NC4THISS · 13/12/2021 20:00

The length of time he’s on his own in a dark room I suppose?

50 minutes tonight, that’s why I went in.

There are no tears, he’s just trying to get to sleep.

Am I worrying about nothing?

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 13/12/2021 20:06

As someone who sat on their toddler's bedroom floor for hours until they fell asleep that that age, I'd say carry on as you are

Oh god, yes, me too and I'd often end up falling asleep myself through sheer boredom.

Please stop feeling guilty. You're not leaving him to cry himself to sleep alone in the dark.

He sounds really happy and busy rearranging his teddies. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, it sounds lovely.

LordEmsworth · 13/12/2021 20:09

With all the things in the news lately
Ummmm... I really, really hope you are not drawing the comparison I think you are.

He is clearly happy on his own if he's not calling for you or crying. It's much better for him to get a good night's sleep than sit there with you keeping him awake all night...

Mumdiva99 · 13/12/2021 20:11

He sounds wonderful. You sound like you have a great routine. You are worrying about nothing. Keep going.

ufucoffee · 13/12/2021 20:11

He's happy. So are you. Apart from feeling guilty for nothing. At 17 months he really won't be thinking that you don't want to spend time with him GrinGrin

Georgeskitchen · 13/12/2021 20:13

Sounds perfect. He's obviously happy and well loved. Stop worrying!!

Original poster
NC4THISS · 13/12/2021 20:20

Ok I’ll try and stop worry about it.

I’m not directly comparing @LordEmsworth no but that high profile case and other not so high profile ones this last few weeks have made me hold him a little closer, maybe it’s just that.

Thank you everyone who has answered and given me some perspective.

OP posts:
ChangeChingyChange · 13/12/2021 20:21

I voted YABU because you're doing NOTHING wrong. You sound like a lovely mummy. He's not distressed or unhappy, maybe he actually enjoys that time pottering about getting himself settled. It's not broken, dont try and fix it!

Snowmanuel · 13/12/2021 20:21

I put my 17m kid in bed and don’t even have a monitor. I just leave him to it. Sometimes he sleeps immediately, sometimes he plays with toys and then gets himself to sleep. It never occurred to me to feel guilty about that. Confused

Tal45 · 13/12/2021 20:23

Sounds perfect.

itsgettingwierd · 13/12/2021 20:25

He can self soothe - that's brilliant. He's happy and secure.

Some children don't get this at such an age and believe me - those parents will be jealous! (My ds was 1 of those!)

Why not take the monitor downstairs and carry on and if he needs you just pop back up.

I go to bed the same time daily. Sometimes I'm soundo in 5 and sometimes I'm awake an hour later. That's normal human bodily functions but the routine of sleep is healthy.

Janeandjohnny · 13/12/2021 20:39

Sounds perfect. He is learning to self soothe. Good stuff, dont feel guilty.

Hankunamatata · 13/12/2021 20:44

All mine have done that. Never felt guilty about it. Number 2 and 3 had form for going up to the child gate and rattling stuff along it (like prisoners with their cups in movies) weirdly they found thisnsoothong and would doze off at the child gate mid rattle Grin

LuaDipa · 13/12/2021 20:50

@sparepantsandtoothbrush

As someone who sat on their toddler's bedroom floor for hours until they fell asleep at that age, I'd say carry on as you are if it's working for you

(My DS is 16 now but I still remember the wasted evenings!)

This. We ruined our pfb and inadvertently made it really difficult for him to settle himself. You have a lovely routine and your dc is happy and secure. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
Hankunamatata · 13/12/2021 20:51

My 8 year old still has full on chat with his soft toys, arranges his lego people on his bedside shelf most nights.

Hankunamatata · 13/12/2021 20:52

My 8 year old still has full on chat with his soft toys, arranges his lego people on his bedside shelf most nights.

LadyCatStark · 13/12/2021 20:58

He’s let you know if he was bothered!

Original poster
NC4THISS · 13/12/2021 20:58

Thank you, you’re all being very kind.

@Hankunamatata that made me laugh! Prisoners 🙊

OP posts:
Theremoresefulday · 13/12/2021 21:01

Honestly if he wasn’t happy you’d know. It sounds fine to me. (I had to go to bed with one of mine and stay in bed with them until they were almost 6)

Theremoresefulday · 13/12/2021 21:02

Honestly if he wasn’t happy you’d know. It sounds fine to me. (I had to go to bed with one of mine and stay in bed with them until they were almost 6)

nitsandwormsdodger · 13/12/2021 21:05

My DD does zero self soothing
She loses her shit if I even think about leaving it takes an hour every night need to start your routine this holiday
Your chap sounds really happy