To feel guilty about this?

[NC4THISS]

DS sleeps in his own room, in his own bed (with bed guard) and has done from just over 1yo.

Evening routine is the exact same every night. Regardless of where we are, even nights away it’s kept identical even if the exact times vary slightly:

Food 5:00
Bath 6:15
Bed 7:00

We give him a cuddle and kiss and play this little game as we’re walking out, running back for another kiss a few times. It makes him laugh, it’s cute. Then we leave, watching on the monitor from next bedroom until he’s asleep and then go downstairs.

Sometimes he stays awake bimbling about on the bed, flapping around putting teddy’s on the bed, taking them off. Changing position. Picking up dropped dummies. Changing blankets.. etc this can go on for an hour sometimes, it’s happening tonight, he literally just dropped off. On other occasions though he asleep within 10 minutes, it really varies.

We can’t stay with him because he gets fomo and doesn’t fall asleep at all then, thinking it’s playtime.

I just feel incredibly guilty watching him on the monitor, I went in a few times tonight to check he was ok. Does he think we don’t want to spend time with him? Is he just settling himself? With all the things in the news lately it’s got me wondering about how he interprets our routine.

Why are you sitting in the next bedroom? That's what baby monitors are for? Sounds like your wee man has mastered the art of falling asleep on his own. Well done!!

We had a similar routine with both ours except no monitor to watch them on to feel guilty if they didn't settle we just used to listen and they settled we were very lucky we just played music through the monitor softly and they would be gone now the are in their own rooms 10 and 11 and most times will set alexa to ready to them as they drift off

Why are you sitting in the next bedroom?

I’m sitting in the next bedroom watching him on the monitor to check he’s ok and zip in if he becomes upset/needs us for something. I think that’s why I may be acutely aware of how long he stays awake.

Ok tomorrow I shall carry on my evening downstairs.

@LuaDipa I doubt you ruined your PFB so much is just the model you get! Mine was very vocal about not being left. Fed to sleep for a loooooong time. Co-sleeping for years. All this “let them grumble a bit”? There was no low level grumble, mine when from 0 to 60 instantly 🤣
Anyway, she’s 14 now and looks at me disdainfully if I try to say goodnight! Self settling Queen now 🤣
So much for this rod I supposedly made for my own back 😉 (and I miss the co-sleeping)

@NC4THISS sounds like he’s perfectly happy and you’ve understood well what he needs. Don’t worry!

He's absolutely fine! Don't overthink things.

Feel great! DS is 10 and only in the last few weeks has he slept in his own room. He slept for YEARS on a mattress on the floor in my room. He was just about ready to move when covid struck and traumatised him and he remained in our room till just now. I still have to sit and wait for him to fall asleep 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I don't think you're being harsh but equally IME you don't ruin a child's sleep pattern forever more by not doing self soothing. I have a 14 year old that easily falls to sleep and can stay asleep for a very long time! I have a 10 year old that reads to get to sleep. Neither have a problem with self seflsettling but I stayed with both of them until they drifted off because they were sad without me there. I think it is such a short period of your life that it didn't bother me. But if they had self soothed in the way you describe that would have been lovely too.

@NC4THISS

Why are you sitting in the next bedroom?

I’m sitting in the next bedroom watching him on the monitor to check he’s ok and zip in if he becomes upset/needs us for something. I think that’s why I may be acutely aware of how long he stays awake.

Ok tomorrow I shall carry on my evening downstairs.

You don't need to sit in the next room. Take the monitor downstairs.