AIBU - should DH go to this party (Covid)

[Risefromthedream]

Hi all, DH has a Christmas party on Friday. It’s not work. It’s his hobby’s Christmas drinks.

I am pregnant after 5 years of TTC, 6 rounds of IVF. I’m on steroids so I’m immune suppressed and then also more vulnerable as pregnant in general. Im fully vaccinated but haven’t had the booster yet.

I just can’t decide what should be done. Initially I said go. It’ll be fine. Then we both were thinking are we crazy risking me getting sick when we’ve been through so much to get pregnant and covid could give me a high temperature and harm the pregnancy. Then I go back to thinking it’s a few drinks it’ll be ok. Then back to thinking just skip it there will be other parties! This is a once off and it’s important.

To complicate things further, my cousin will also be at the party as he is in the same group and I will be seeing him at a family gathering a few days later - so again should DH just go if I’m mixing with someone from the party anyway (although I’m sharing a bed with DH so more exposed to him).

Can’t figure out if I’m being unreasonable or not. DH doesn’t seem to mind either way. He hasn’t been pushing to go. He’d obviously like to go though and he will be missing out on getting to know the people in the group better.

I don't think your DH should go, given your pregnancy and lack of booster.

If he's not bothered I wouldn't risk it. If he wants to go I wouldn't ask him not to.

I wouldn't have a family gathering if you're not comfortable with the hobby gathering, though, as everyone will have been carrying on their lives as normal and you don't know what socialising everyone else has done.

Nope. For his best friends 40th or grannies funeral I would see the dilemma. But for hobby drinks I wouldn't hesitate to cancel. I would take every precaution as you are pregnant.

Definitely wouldn’t risk it. It’s not important yet the consequences could be monumental. I’ve nursed multiple pregnant ladies in icu, mostly unvaccinated. But as the facts unravel with regards to omicron I’d certainly minimise all risks as much as possible.

I wouldn't. I don't think the risk, even if small, is worth it. Pregnant with a complicated history and immunosuppressed is definitely not a good mix with Covid.

Thanks guys, hard to see if you’re being rational or irrational at the minute with covid!

The family gathering is just myself , DH, cousin and one other couple and it’s in my house so I’ll have windows open and fire lit so it feels like a bit more of an acceptable risk to take. But that’s also made me feel like maybe I can’t say no to drinks and yes to family gathering. That said the drinks is around 30 men all in a pub and we definitely don’t know what they’ve been at! Family members know about the pregnancy and that I’m vulnerable so if anyone has even a sniffle they know not to come near me.

Personally if you're then socialising with someone a few days later who went to the event - your DH might as well go too!

From your POV with everything you're thinking about (and there's a lot!) I would imagine either all or nothing makes sense when it comes to socialising 🤷🏻‍♀️

Whatever you decide get your booster this week, it's essential (according to the scientists) for immunity

Family members know about the pregnancy and that I’m vulnerable so if anyone has even a sniffle they know not to come near me.

But your cousins still going to the party and could catch anything DH will catch at the same place

@gogohm I’ve been advised not to get the booster until after 12 weeks but I’ll be getting it asap once I’m past that (hopefully!)

@girlmom21 yes starting to think I should uninvite cousin from the meet up. Or try guilt him out of going too given it’s so close to Christmas anyway!

I am not anxious about Covid, triple jabbed and have had it and I am doing everything in the Christmas period I have booked and I am even planning on going away on holiday (unless we get a positive), theatre etc.

I mention this because in your situation it would be a hard NO. It is not worth the risk at all. Pregancy is a risk factor plus your are immune suppressed. It is not worth the risk as all.

In terms of the family gathering - it is a fairly quick process. From your cousin going to coming to you he would either have covid or not. I assume you are asking them to LFT before visiting (which again in your situation is entirely sensible)

Ask everyone especially cousin to do a lateral flow before family meet up.

I wouldn’t; and I’d ask the cousin as well as others to do a lateral Flow test before they come to yours

No, there will be plenty more parties and social events when you are not as at risk.
You have fought tooth and nail to get pregnant, why take any risk. It isn't worth it.
In your situation I would isolate at the moment anyway and not see cousins or whoever who have been at parties. A shit xmas is fine in comparison to risking pregnancy.

Given that my husband just went to a Christmas party, came home with covid and is now feeling the illest I've ever seen him, I wouldn't be going to any parties.

Ask hubby not to go and cancel your gathering. Because frankly who knows what the other guest have been up to either. Shrug

I think it would be best for DH to skip this, it’s a one off and you and the baby are much more important. You’ve been through a huge amount of heartache and this pregnancy and your health are your first concern.
With Christmas I would ask everyone to do LFT’s on the day just to be safe.
Best of luck with your baby, I hope you are both safe and well.

I don't think it's worth the risk . DH didn't go to his because our DD tested positive . According to gov guidelines he technically could have gone because he was negative and double jabbed but he stayed at home . BUT a bunch of the blokes who went have now caught Covid .

Absolutely no chance would I be ok with him going, given the fact you're pregnant and on immunosuppressants (which being on those alone would have had you on the shielding list in March 2020). I think I'd be skipping the family gathering too. I think probably in your situation I'd be limiting social contact, some might call it too extreme but I've just given birth to a baby I waited 8 years on and I'm grateful she was born just before omicron hit as I was bad enough with anxiety (not so much covid related as I was double vaccinated but I did limit social contact in the last few weeks of pregnancy as I was worried about having covid when giving birth.) Congratulations on your pregnancy btw!

@BrilliantBetty

No, there will be plenty more parties and social events when you are not as at risk. You have fought tooth and nail to get pregnant, why take any risk. It isn't worth it. In your situation I would isolate at the moment anyway and not see cousins or whoever who have been at parties. A shit xmas is fine in comparison to risking pregnancy.

I agree! Just avoid people for now op

Fuck no, he should not and it sounds like he knows it too. Cases are escalating rapidly, it's not just the group (it's everyone else in the pub) and you are pregnant, immunosuppressed and not boosted.

He probably won't get it. If he does, you all might be fine. But I really wouldn't chance it in your circumstance, especially as he's not bothered either way.

I'm CEV (but boosted) and admittedly cautious, but I called time on any indoor socialising last week to make sure I could have a decent Xmas holiday and not have to cancel family coming. You have all the more reason to ask him to sit this one out.

Nothing to add to the words of wisdom from everyone else, but just wanted to wish you a safe and well pregnancy and offer congratulations to you and @Saoirse82...what a lot you've both been through.

I don’t think that’s worth the risk no.

I have every sympathy OP - am also pregnant & unboostered and am fretting about going to DH’s best friend’s 40th this weekend. Big group of us in a city, out for a meal in a poorly ventilated restaurant and then to a few bars for drinks after. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to me in the current climate.

I’ve said that it’s probably best that I don’t go given the risk but DH is adamant that he “has” to go as it’s a landmark birthday for his friend, even though he says he is concerned.

It’s not just health that’s worrying me; we lost my dad unexpectedly earlier this year and I am SO worried that if we later test positive, my mum will be left completely on her own for Christmas

Huge, huge congratulations on your pregnancy. And no, don't go to the party. There will be others.