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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We're too polite

46 replies

Lostgirl78 · 13/12/2021 11:51

I went for blood tests this morning. I went to a lab. I'm in France. The guy taking my blood was a bit touchy-feely/flirty. He asked me what I did for a living. I'm a translator. He then said that he needed some translation work doing and so he'd take my number. He picked up my file and typed my number into his phone. I explained that I didn't do medical translation and that I was a literary translator, but he said he'd take it anyway in case he wrote a book.

That's unusual, isn't it? He was being a creep.

And I'm too polite! I wished him a good day and walked out. I'm now wishing I'd said something.

Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe he really does need a translation, but I doubt it.

I wish I had more courage. I'm a raging feminist, but I only talk the talk.

I wish I had the courage to tell men like this to fuck off. It's just that it wasn't quite "bad" enough to do anything about. Do you know what I mean? It was your everyday, mild creepiness.

AIBU? Would you have said something?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2021 11:53

I like to think I would but you can never tell when you're actually in the situation.

What I would do now is contact them, tell them what he did and demand they make sure he deletes your number.

Cheerbear24 · 13/12/2021 11:56

Cheeky bastard. Yes call them and complain. GDPR is an EU regulation so France will have a similar revenue as UK data protection act. Find out what the french data rules say about personal information.

Cheerbear24 · 13/12/2021 11:56

Revenue = regulation

Original poster
Lostgirl78 · 13/12/2021 11:59

The thing is, I'm wondering if I somehow agreed to it because I didn't say anything there and then while he was doing it. Perhaps I should wait and see if he contacts me and if he does, kick off then?

I really want to bring my daughter up to be more in control than this.

OP posts:
nzborn · 13/12/2021 12:20

I'd complain straight away.

LittleGwyneth · 13/12/2021 13:14

It's not your fault. You've been socialised for your entire life to place other people's feelings above your own. It's a lifelong habit which is incredibly hard to break.

Geordieoldgirl · 13/12/2021 13:24

What a liberty. It was -at the very least- extremely unprofessional of him to assume he could take your number for any personal reason. But even If you don’t feel able to complain about him now, you could still Write to Manager of the Department describing what happened, explaining you are not comfortable, and requesting that a line-manager gets him to delete your number from his phone.

itwasntaparty · 13/12/2021 14:03

Don't give your number! I'd complain.

girlmom21 · 13/12/2021 14:04

Block him straight away if he contacts you, and I agree he should be reported.

grapewine · 13/12/2021 14:05

@girlmom21

Block him straight away if he contacts you, and I agree he should be reported.
This. Creepy bastard.
dudsville · 13/12/2021 14:06

Is ok you didn't do what you wanted to do at the time, but you can do it now, report him.

TiddlesTheTiger · 13/12/2021 14:08

Complain now.
Tell them that he took your number, you didn't give it, and now you've had time to think you don't want him to have it.

SpeckledlyHen · 13/12/2021 14:10

@itwasntaparty

Don't give your number! I'd complain.
Confused - did you actually read the OP at all @itwasntaparty? Any of it?

The OP literally typed that he took her number from her file...

Lemonyfuckit · 13/12/2021 14:11

I would imagine that's actually a serious disciplinary offence, he can't go taking the number of patients he comes across in a professional context and use that number for personal reasons, WTAF?!

thisplaceisweird · 13/12/2021 14:14

There's polite and there's just lying down and taking it.
Yes you should get more courage if situations like this make you upset long after they happen. He was definitely being a creep, but if you were sitting there smiling/giggling and chatting away he probably thought you were flirting back?

fabricfanatic · 13/12/2021 14:18

I think the fact that it was a medical setting has some bearing on this, too. In the moment, I'd worry that if you (very reasonably) offended him he could somehow try to get back at you. It's probably very unlikely that he'd risk his job, but I wouldn't want to take the risk that my sample was 'lost', wasn't handled properly, etc. It's different from the risk of telling someone 'no' in a retail setting, for example.

Uninterested · 13/12/2021 14:22

I’m going against the grain but I wouldnt report this. He only asked your number and you gave it willingly. I don’t see the issue. Did you only think he was creepy in rectrospect?
I find that if I am unsure in a situation it’s best to wait before responding. I really think things through before I agree or disagree to things. It probably means I come across as a bit weird but it saves me from agreeing to do things I don’t won’t to.

I don’t think it’s impolite to not agree to do things though. Did you honestly give your number because you thought it would be rude not to?
That does seem a little daft tbh.
I’m also not shy to call men out on being creepy. I do it politely and say something along the lines of “Just to let you know that some women could find you doing XYZ a bit creepy and I don’t think that’s ok”. I make it less personal but very clear. I’ve two daughters in their twenties and have seen how casual creepyness effects them . Eg a boss telling them they look like they work out a lot. It’s a clever comment in that it’s not overly creepy but it still makes the person receiving the comment feel like they are being watched, it’s not ok.

Chachasha · 13/12/2021 14:24

I wouldn't say anything to him but I'd make a formal complaint. Far more effective.

Chachasha · 13/12/2021 14:25

She didn't give it willingly. Don't be misleading. He took it and she acquiesced insofar as she didn't actively intervene to stop him.

WeatherwaxOn · 13/12/2021 14:26

You didn't give him your number, he took it from your file.
Report him.

DysmalRadius · 13/12/2021 14:27

@Uninterested

I’m going against the grain but I wouldnt report this. He only asked your number and you gave it willingly. I don’t see the issue. Did you only think he was creepy in rectrospect? I find that if I am unsure in a situation it’s best to wait before responding. I really think things through before I agree or disagree to things. It probably means I come across as a bit weird but it saves me from agreeing to do things I don’t won’t to. I don’t think it’s impolite to not agree to do things though. Did you honestly give your number because you thought it would be rude not to? That does seem a little daft tbh. I’m also not shy to call men out on being creepy. I do it politely and say something along the lines of “Just to let you know that some women could find you doing XYZ a bit creepy and I don’t think that’s ok”. I make it less personal but very clear. I’ve two daughters in their twenties and have seen how casual creepyness effects them . Eg a boss telling them they look like they work out a lot. It’s a clever comment in that it’s not overly creepy but it still makes the person receiving the comment feel like they are being watched, it’s not ok.
The op didn't give her number - he copied it from her file despite her saying that she wasn't able to help with what he said he needed!!
Chachasha · 13/12/2021 14:29

It's really worrying what some people are prepared to describe as willingly.

MeltedButter · 13/12/2021 14:31

@Uninterested

I’m going against the grain but I wouldnt report this. He only asked your number and you gave it willingly. I don’t see the issue. Did you only think he was creepy in rectrospect? I find that if I am unsure in a situation it’s best to wait before responding. I really think things through before I agree or disagree to things. It probably means I come across as a bit weird but it saves me from agreeing to do things I don’t won’t to. I don’t think it’s impolite to not agree to do things though. Did you honestly give your number because you thought it would be rude not to? That does seem a little daft tbh. I’m also not shy to call men out on being creepy. I do it politely and say something along the lines of “Just to let you know that some women could find you doing XYZ a bit creepy and I don’t think that’s ok”. I make it less personal but very clear. I’ve two daughters in their twenties and have seen how casual creepyness effects them . Eg a boss telling them they look like they work out a lot. It’s a clever comment in that it’s not overly creepy but it still makes the person receiving the comment feel like they are being watched, it’s not ok.
Don't listen to this.

He was way out of order. He shouldn't even be asking for your number never mind helping himself. He NEEDS reporting. He has broken an obvious data protection regulation. I bet it's not the first time he's done it. His confidence at doing it is why you didn't challenge it in the moment.

Boomerwang · 13/12/2021 14:31

@thisplaceisweird

There's polite and there's just lying down and taking it. Yes you should get more courage if situations like this make you upset long after they happen. He was definitely being a creep, but if you were sitting there smiling/giggling and chatting away he probably thought you were flirting back?
I had to write and rewrite a response to this several times because I can't quite get my head around it.

Just insert the word 'rape' as a headline and read it again.

As usual, it's a woman's fault when a man takes a liberty with her.

threebillboards · 13/12/2021 14:34

Yes we are too polite but I would just have given an incorrect phone number. Never my real one. Surely you had time to process that fact you didn't want to give your number