To expect the nursery to keep him?

[Tiredandfireddd]

So I’m a single mum, my little boy is 18 months. I have gone back to work and have found my little boy is sick every week. I expect this as he goes to nursery. I pay a lot of money for nursery with no help from his dad. Nursery often call me at work to day pick him up and I do obviously.

Today, I dropped him off at 8, now is the busiest time at work. He was fine this morning, if a bit quiet, he ate his breakfast, normal nappies and no temperature. Nursery have called me to say he’s a bit teary can I collect him? I don’t if it’s normal to collect him because he’s not ill? I manage a project at work, without me at work nothing will be done. I’m on my way to collect him again I’m just annoyed I’m paying for another day at nursery with no work

Look for another nursery OP, they are being ridiculous. My toddler has had loads of colds and I’ve only ever once been asked to go and collect her. Obviously if she’s really poorly I keep her at home but if she’s just got the sniffles I find she’s better off at nursery where they can keep her busy and distracted.

@JustWonderingIfYou

I wouldn't leave my 1 year old teary and obviously unhappy.

I'd go get him.

If every child went home when they were a little teary, there would be very few children left at the nursery. Children get upset during the day. They wanted a strawberry yogurt and got peach, they want the toy another child is playing with, they want to play outside but it's pissing it down with rain. It's an unusual 18 month old who goes an entire day without any tears.

Not to mention most people are working, so can't leave to collect a child just because of a few tears.

I think you need to speak to nursery manager. Ask for their policy re sickness and go over each call out incident.
Can you agree a way forward. For a bit teary I’d be happy to have an agreement that they will keep an eye and check temp etc but wait and see.
DD’s primary were very good at wait and see and jollying them along rather than rushing to send home.
We all have days we feel a bit rubbish.
It’s all well and good saying he is better snuggling on sofa with mum but if there’s no house and sofa if mum loses job there has to be a balance. It’s more unsettling to be picked up from nursery and rushed to a friend or family member to be minded so mum can go back to work.

I’d also be cynical and wonder if they have staff off so are struggling for ratios - easy solution send under the weather children home.

@Starcaller I've suspected my nursery of doing this in the past too

I'd wonder if they were being polite and really he is absolutely distressed? Next time maybe ask them to see how he is in an hour. A bit teary is fine, crying wailing and screaming unconsolably is not.

It might be worth a phone call with the room manager/nursery manager? Ours rang a few times when DD was “quite emotional” or was refusing to eat lunch etc. Had a chat with them, they have a number of parents who like to be called routinely for absolutely all concerns so they operate initially at the lowest tolerance level. We came to an agreement in terms of “don’t ring me if she’s just generally emotional and a bit clingy but do call if she’s been inconsolable for X amount of time” and “don’t call if she hasn’t eaten any lunch but is generally fine & happy otherwise but do call if she isn’t eating and isn’t herself either”, that type of thing.

@CheesyFootballsAreEvil

I'd wonder if they were being polite and really he is absolutely distressed? Next time maybe ask them to see how he is in an hour. A bit teary is fine, crying wailing and screaming unconsolably is not.

Would that be polite though? DD’s nursery is great and I trust them to tell me the truth, it’s not really a politeness issue I don’t think. If they think he needs to be picked up, they need to be clear about how he is.

I'd tell them no if he's not unwell or a danger to himself/others with a paddy situation.

I have a friend whose nursery are always calling her to get her DD because she's 'very emotional'. If the little girl doesn't nap, which she often doesn't, they won't keep her past about 3. She is quite a high-needs child and I think they just find her hard work and have figured out that her parents (who are both freelancers working from home) will come every time, and she's now figured out too that every time she gets screamy at nursery mummy or daddy comes and takes her home. I don't think my friend realises quite how weird/ridiculous this situation is (I have tried to gently say that it's not usual) - she's paying for probably about 25% more childcare than she ever actually gets to use.

@SickAndTiredAgain I agree they'd need to be honest if he was distressed but they might be sugar coating it so that parents aren't put off sending their kids there.

I agree with PP who said they wouldn't be expecting to pick their child up if they were just a little teary.

@JustWonderingIfYou

I wouldn't leave my 1 year old teary and obviously unhappy.

I'd go get him.

even if you were working and needed to use childcare? Surely you have a responsibility towards your job

I'd be looking for a new nursery OP. A good nursery should be able to console a 'teary' child not call the parents to collect for every little thing. You could speak to them, but I'm not sure how much faith I'd have if they are this bad to start with.

My DSs nursery are amazing with them, I've been in when a baby/toddler has been inconsolable at drop off and they are so natural calming them down it rarely lasts long. My own DS cried at drop off the first week or so and they never called me, they only really call to collect if he is genuinely unwell and not himself (sniffles, general coughs, teething type of thing they just deal with as long as he's happy in himself) which is what I'd expect and was my experience with my older dc too.
There have been 2 occasions where they've asked us to collect because of staffing shortages- thanks covid!- but have said as much, very apologetic and didn't charge for those days.

My 18 month old has been sick most weeks since starting nursery in June. I would absolutely not be picking him up for 'a bit teary' though.

I'd press them on the phone for what actual illness symptoms he had that meant he couldn't stay there.

If they call because he is crying it because he has been crying for a long period of time. When I worked in a nursery we give children upto a hour to settle down b4 calling.
1 who wants there child to be so upset/distressed all day?
2 Staff simply can't focus all there attention onto 1 crying child all day.

A bit teary? Ffs. What would you have done if you'd had to drive out to a different site 50 miles away that day and weren't able to just pop back and get him? You'd have just had to flat out say no, it's not possible, and they'd have just had to cope (which is their job!)

@Cherrytart23

If they call because he is crying it because he has been crying for a long period of time. When I worked in a nursery we give children upto a hour to settle down b4 calling. 1 who wants there child to be so upset/distressed all day? 2 Staff simply can't focus all there attention onto 1 crying child all day.

That's not being "a bit teary" and they called an hour after she dropped him off and he was fine at drop off...

'A bit teary' isn't a valid reason to ask for a child to be picked up - nursery should have clear rules around this.

When mine were little I only had to pick them up a tiny handful of times and one of those was because they developed chicken pox spots while there.

I was prepared to say YABU if he's genuinely sick but "a bit teary"?? That's crazy. I know childcare isn't easy to find but if you did have alternative options that might be a good idea

@Starcaller

The cynic in me wonders if they have staffing problems and need to reduce their numbers for ratio reasons.

That crossed my mind too !.

I've worked in several nurseries and never heard of a child being sent home for being 'a bit teary'.

My nursery are like this. For the first 3 months we were asked to get him for illness, because he was a bit unsettled etc. etc. Eventually it all calmed down and he was fine from 18 months onwards (when we'd been in nursery for 6 months - although we had 3 months out due to lockdown).

I didn't even realise you could say "no" until talking to other parents!

They're otherwise very good and good value considering we're in London.

A bit teary is not unwell, I don't think they could make that judgment an hour into the day either, probably be fine later! We all have our bad days, little ones too!

I voted YABU, but only because I projected this to our nursery. In 12 months time they have never called to ask and collect my daughter so if they rung up saying she’s teary I would think they are underplaying and I’d be running to collect. But if it happens every other week then you should mention this to the nursery and query their decisions.

Ask them if they're planning on refunding you for the day. Dealing with "a bit teary" is unfortunately their job today, not yours. You're paying for a service they don't feel like providing today.