To expect the nursery to keep him?

[Tiredandfireddd]

So I’m a single mum, my little boy is 18 months. I have gone back to work and have found my little boy is sick every week. I expect this as he goes to nursery. I pay a lot of money for nursery with no help from his dad. Nursery often call me at work to day pick him up and I do obviously.

Today, I dropped him off at 8, now is the busiest time at work. He was fine this morning, if a bit quiet, he ate his breakfast, normal nappies and no temperature. Nursery have called me to say he’s a bit teary can I collect him? I don’t if it’s normal to collect him because he’s not ill? I manage a project at work, without me at work nothing will be done. I’m on my way to collect him again I’m just annoyed I’m paying for another day at nursery with no work

I'd be tempted to ask other parents if they are experiencing the same thing if you can. Agree with others that it sounds like they are just trying to bring numbers down. If you can see if the same is happening to others, I would ask to meet the manager and ask them to explain why kids are being send home for reasons other than illness on such a regular basis

I'm a little torn. What's your relationship like with your nursery? We get on great with ours, we now have our second DC in the baby room with most of the same staff so we know them well. They're happy to take DC who are well with a dose of Calpol, and DD2 has a habit of puking while eating when she's very congested which we are now all used to and they don't treat as vomit for the 48 hour rule as it's clearly not a bug.

So, if they rang and said she was very teary and should come home I would take that seriously as I trust their judgement and we've only had a handful of calls over the last number of years despite no shortage of illnesses.

If they are the type to call at the drop of a hat, then I'd be unhappy. Could you ask them to try a dose of Calpol and see how she is in an hour?

They are being ridiculous today, but also ridiculous by teaching your DS he can go straight home by turning on the waterworks!

When my DS was 2, he worked out he could get picked up by telling his key worker that he didn’t feel well and doing puppy dog eyes and a tilted head
His downfall was that he would always say he had a ‘sore scratchy throat’ while pointing to his ear or knee or other random body part..!

But a decent nursery knows the difference between an ill child and a yanking-their-chain child

I work in a nursery and there's no way we would call a parent because their child is 'a bit teary'. Tell them you're not able to collect him but ask them to call you back or tell them you'll call back after his had lunch and a nap.

I'd be looking for a new nursery. They sound inept. I wouldn't be taking my toddler home for being a bit teary.
They're either crap at looking after children or they have too many children in and need to reduce numbers. Neither of which would make me want to keep my child there.

For an example. Ds1 started nursery at 12 months and finished at 5 years. I received one phone call in that time to collect and it's because he spiked a sudden temperature and became very withdrawn - he had flu.
One phone call in 4 years.

I think a lot of nurseries are taking advantage of the covid situation. I can't remember the last time my boy went in a full week I'm constantly watching the phone waiting for the call. Obviously we keep him home when he's genuinely sick but often we are told he has a temperature when he doesn't or he coughed or simply he's not himself today. I sympathise nursery is expensive and it's not possible to simply leave work immediately all the time.

I would just refuse. It is one reason we paid one person to come to our house to look after our 3 children under 4 when we both worked full time as there was no sickness of a child that ever stopped us working although then you have the issue of needing back up childcare at your house if the person doing the care is sick but that is much less of a problem than nurseries rejecting sick children.

If this is a regular thing then I'd consider changing nursery. DD, now 12 months, has done three full days a week since 9 months and only twice have we been asked to pick her up a bit early, both times with good reason (she had been okay on the morning but come down with temp, very unsettled, etc. over the course of the day and was clearly unwell on pick up).

If my DD is a bit teary I know she's coming down with something, so I'd rather get her and bring her home where she can snuggle in bed or on the sofa. When they're little it's hard for them to communicate of they have a headache or are feeling unwell any other way, and I'd rather have her at home if she was feeling that way.

@SerendipitySunshine how would your employer feel about you taking time off each week to bring a teary child home from nursery?

@SerendipitySunshine

If my DD is a bit teary I know she's coming down with something, so I'd rather get her and bring her home where she can snuggle in bed or on the sofa. When they're little it's hard for them to communicate of they have a headache or are feeling unwell any other way, and I'd rather have her at home if she was feeling that way.

That’s fine if you can be at home with them, but the OP is at work. I am happy to leave work if my children are actually ill. I would soon lose my job if I left every time one of them was a bit teary.

And the patients I was due to see that day wouldn’t be too impressed either.

[quote shouldistop]@SerendipitySunshine how would your employer feel about you taking time off each week to bring a teary child home from nursery?[/quote]
It isn't each week. And I have always worked over and above so if I do need to take care of my child there's plenty of goodwill to do so. Any time I miss I more than make up for.

It looks like you are already in your way but I hope when you got there you had a discussion with them about exactly why they felt it was no longer appropriate for them to care for him today. In future, don’t agree to come in on the basis of a vague statement like “a bit teary”. Comforting teary children is literally what you pay them for. It is utterly ridiculous that that would be grounds for sending him home. However it’s possible that the person who called did not explain themselves well so if course give them a chance to explain properly. If possible can they agree to have him back in the afternoon?

That's crazy. Our nursery phones and asks us to collect after 2 occasions of an upset stomach. If they have a temp they phone and ask permission to give Calpol, if that doesn't help they phone again.

A bit teary? No, unless they're not wanting to be paid.

@SerendipitySunshine in ops case the nursery have phoned her each week to collect.

@StormyTeacups

That's crazy. Our nursery phones and asks us to collect after 2 occasions of an upset stomach. If they have a temp they phone and ask permission to give Calpol, if that doesn't help they phone again.

A bit teary? No, unless they're not wanting to be paid.

2 occasions of an upset stomach? What’s an upset stomach here? Do you mean two dodgy nappies, or two vomits?

Is it possible that when they said “can you come?” they genuinely meant “are you available” and you could have said ”no, sorry, I’m working”?

Teary, that's ridiculous. Pre covid times mine would have often hung out on the nursery managers lap while she was working when they were feeling a bit teary, getting lots of hugs and cuddles.

Calling because he’s teary is ridiculous. Around that age, my DD once cried because she had a sock on each foot, and wanted a third sock on without taking a sock off or putting it over a sock. So essentially crying because she didn’t have a third foot

Dealing with slightly upset toddlers is surely a fairly day to day task for anyone looking after them?

I wouldn't leave my 1 year old teary and obviously unhappy.

I'd go get him.

I think it depends on what they mean by ‘a bit teary’. When mine have become sick at nursery, often one of the signs have been the child becoming a bit withdrawn and teary. Happened to us a few weeks ago and then that week my toddler was quite poorly. She’s normally outgoing and happy so for her to be a bit off is a sign for the staff to check temps, monitor her a bit more etc.

If he’s a bit teary but not unwell that it’s their job to look after him/play with him/try and cheer him up.

Totally agree. Unless he’s inconsolable it’s part of the job to comfort/distract teary toddlers. If our nursery had sent a child home because they were a bit teary and sad we would have about 3 kids to look after. Especially at this time of year they are often run down, tired, mildly under the weather, teething etc. Cheering up and looking after cranky little people is a big part of the job.

It depends on the child. Of course they all cry sometimes, but when it's for no reason and they are really sad, it has always been the beginning of being ill and usually the fever starts within an hour or two. I'd rather pick her up before it gets really bad.