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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

*Possibly triggering* To not want to discuss my reasons with new boss?

52 replies

troobleflooble · 12/12/2021 20:42

I have started a new job recently, only done 2 shifts and everyone has been lovely so far. I haven't met the actual bosses/owners yet as they just haven't been in when I've been there, I had my interview and trial with the managers.

We have a work WhatsApp group for sharing rotas and work related news, I've just had a text on there saying that from tomorrow masks are mandatory for all staff on the premises at all times and if you are exempt then you need to have a discussion with the owners to get 'permission' and a badge to say you're exempt.

I am exempt as I have PTSD from being raped and choked. I'm due to do a long shift tomorrow and the thought of wearing a mask all day is already making me feel really stressed and panicked. I have an exemption lanyard.

For obvious reasons I really don't want to discuss something so personal with people I don't know and haven't even met yet. How can I tell them I can't wear a mask without telling them why? I really don't want to get in trouble already at such a new job but I absolutely cannot wear one.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 12/12/2021 20:43

Just message.
Hi, thanks for the heads up but I already have an exemption lanyard..
See you tomorrow..
Op.

bjjgirl · 12/12/2021 20:44

Honestly I would speak to your line manager and explain that you are exempt due to ptsd. If it was my work place I would have to get this verified from a gp or Ohu which is thoroughly reasonable as I am a key worker and can work with vulnerable people

Nippip · 12/12/2021 20:45

Do not tell them the reason they don't need to know. And definitely do not wear a mask.

The first post had the right idea, that message was perfect.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/12/2021 20:47

Can you offer to wear one of those shields instead ?

CruellaDeVilla · 12/12/2021 20:48

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Just message. Hi, thanks for the heads up but I already have an exemption lanyard.. See you tomorrow.. Op.
Do that I’m sorry for what happened to you
gogohm · 12/12/2021 20:49

I know you feel uncomfortable sharing the reason but they need some sort of explanation, do you have any support eg a therapist who could confirm you are exempt, or speak to your gp? Going forward you will need to prove your exemption in certain circumstances eg flying so working out how it's possible would be a good idea. As for other employees they have every right to be uncomfortable with you being unmasked if they are vulnerable so you could investigate getting help to manage mask wearing, it's not going away this mask wearing

BasementIdeas · 12/12/2021 20:50

Can’t you just text them to say that you are exempt due to PTSD and are unable to discuss further details? Do you have a counsellor who could write a back up letter to say that the same (obviously without going into further detail)

It really frustrates me that there is no official way of proving that you are legitimately exempt rather than just don’t want to wear one.

BasementIdeas · 12/12/2021 20:51

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Just message. Hi, thanks for the heads up but I already have an exemption lanyard.. See you tomorrow.. Op.
Absolutely DONT do this. It just makes you sound like an arse and will likely get you fired given you are so new
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 12/12/2021 20:51

@gogohm

Op doesn’t need to tell her manager or anyone from work the reasoning.

OP- I would just email back saying you will be wearing your exemption lanyard.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 12/12/2021 20:52

@BasementIdeas

No it doesn’t…!

Cheshirewife · 12/12/2021 20:52

Anyone can show a lanyard or claim to have an exemption, so most employers understandably request a reason and/or gp letter. Agree with PP that it’s probably worth you taking your own face shield as well.

Takingabreakagain · 12/12/2021 20:54

Your employer absolutely does not need any explanation other than that you are exempt.
This from the government website explains:
Exemption cards
If you have an age, health or disability reason for not wearing a face covering:
you do not routinely need to show any written evidence of this
you do not need to show an exemption card
This means that you do not need to seek advice or request a letter from a medical professional about your reason for not wearing a face covering.

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage 's message is excellent

SpookyScarySkeletons · 12/12/2021 20:55

Go for a face shield and make your employers aware that you are unable to wear a mask due to PTSD. You don't have to tell them any more than that.

Kittykat93 · 12/12/2021 20:56

So many people seem to be 'exempt' from wearing a mask so I can understand why employers would be questioning as pretty sure a lot of people just don't want to wear them. You of course don't have to detail what happened but just say you have ptsd. I'm sure you'll be able to get confirmation from your gp if it's needed but very much doubt it will get that far.

Cheshirewife · 12/12/2021 20:58

@Takingabreakagain

Your employer absolutely does not need any explanation other than that you are exempt. This from the government website explains: Exemption cards If you have an age, health or disability reason for not wearing a face covering: you do not routinely need to show any written evidence of this you do not need to show an exemption card This means that you do not need to seek advice or request a letter from a medical professional about your reason for not wearing a face covering.

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage 's message is excellent

I assume that just refers to the law. Here, your employee isn’t necessarily just enforcing the law, they can go above and beyond that if they wish, such as to protect customers or other employees.
Animood · 12/12/2021 20:58

Do you have a HR department?

You might want to speak to someone from HR about ptsd. You really shouldn't need to explain further. But if they insist, ask them to refer you to occupational health.

elliejjtiny · 12/12/2021 21:00

Yanbu. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I have ptsd for different reasons to you but I can't talk about it without crying so prefer not to go into details with strangers. I tend to just say "I have ptsd" and there is usually no other explanation needed. Would you be ok with telling your boss that you have ptsd but not the reason why?

Original poster
troobleflooble · 12/12/2021 21:03

@Animood it's a pretty small company, less than 25 staff including the owners so there's nothing like that really.

I would be willing to wear a face shield but if they insist on actual mask wearing then I'd have to find another job unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
troobleflooble · 12/12/2021 21:06

@elliejjtiny thank you. I have a similar reaction, I cry and shake and end up feeling horribly sick or having a panic attack. I'm shaking now just thinking about it.

I don't mind telling them I have PTSD but I don't want to go into details and people do inevitably seem to ask.

OP posts:
blubberyboo · 12/12/2021 21:08

Is there the possibility of an occupational health referral whereby you can explain to OH that you have pTSD and under no circumstances would be able to relive it to anyone. They should get the message and be able to put it in writing to employer that you have a reason not to wear a mask

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/12/2021 21:13

The lanyards are irrelevant as anybody can get one and they only indicate that somebody has a hidden disability; some people who wear lanyards aren’t exempt and some people who are exempt don’t have lanyards.

I would tell your employer you have PTSD and aren’t able to wear a mask, that you don’t want to go into more details about it but that you are happy to wear a face mask. In my workplace of staff are happy to wear a face shield instead of a mask we don’t ask for any more details regarding why. Obviously if any colleagues aside from the boss ask why you’re not wearing a mask it’s reasonable to say you don’t want to talk to them about it.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/12/2021 21:14

Sorry that should have said that you are happy to wear a visor/ face shield, not a mask!

newusername2009 · 12/12/2021 21:14

tell them you can't due to PTSD but would like to keep details beyond that personal. You can also offer a GP's letter if required - I assume you can get one?

FarmCat31 · 12/12/2021 21:14

@troobleflooble Flowers I can’t wear a mask for exactly the same reason. I’m sorry that work are causing stress over it and I understand how hard it is to have to try and explain it.
Is there someone at work who you are more likely to trust who you can tell you have PTSD and who might be able to advocate for you?

Original poster
troobleflooble · 12/12/2021 21:18

@newusername2009 the GP surgeries in my area have statements on their websites saying they don't issue letters for exemptions. I'm guessing because there are so many requests for them?

@FarmCat31 I've only met a few of them so I barely know any of them. They all seem nice but I've only done 2 shifts so there's a lot of them I haven't even met yet.

OP posts: