*Possibly triggering* To not want to discuss my reasons with new boss?

[troobleflooble]

I have started a new job recently, only done 2 shifts and everyone has been lovely so far. I haven't met the actual bosses/owners yet as they just haven't been in when I've been there, I had my interview and trial with the managers.

We have a work WhatsApp group for sharing rotas and work related news, I've just had a text on there saying that from tomorrow masks are mandatory for all staff on the premises at all times and if you are exempt then you need to have a discussion with the owners to get 'permission' and a badge to say you're exempt.

I am exempt as I have PTSD from being raped and choked. I'm due to do a long shift tomorrow and the thought of wearing a mask all day is already making me feel really stressed and panicked. I have an exemption lanyard.

For obvious reasons I really don't want to discuss something so personal with people I don't know and haven't even met yet. How can I tell them I can't wear a mask without telling them why? I really don't want to get in trouble already at such a new job but I absolutely cannot wear one.

for you women who have been traumatised so badly. I'm so sorry.

Might it be any easier to email work rather than discuss f2f?

Also, while GPs generally have a policy of not providing exemption letters, most will do it in special circumstances and I’d imagine OP’s would qualify, if indeed the employer requests a letter.

[quote troobleflooble]@elliejjtiny thank you. I have a similar reaction, I cry and shake and end up feeling horribly sick or having a panic attack. I'm shaking now just thinking about it.

I don't mind telling them I have PTSD but I don't want to go into details and people do inevitably seem to ask. [/quote]
Tell them you have PTSD
If they ask follow up questions tell them

'I'm afraid I cannot discuss the specifics of my trauma as it's too upsetting. I appreciate your understanding of this'

If you're referring to sunflower lanyards, they have absolutely nothing to do with masks. They are for people with hidden disabilities.

Would you feel comfortable telling your boss that you have ptsd?

@tiredanddangerous yes I'm aware. I have been using one since the mask rules came into place, however, because people don't tend to ask intrusive questions when they see you wearing one about why you can't wear a mask.

I'm happy to tell them about the ptsd I just don't want them to ask further questions about it.

Do you work in a care home op? They will be fairly heavily regulated if so. You would need to speak to them about your options and hopefully they can advise but you don’t have to give detail. Just “I’m sorry to say I’m unable to wear a face mask for medical reasons, can we discuss whether there are other options?”

So sorry for your experience.

This is perfect. Good luck 💞

@Allinadayswork80

So sorry for your experience.

This is perfect. Good luck 💞

I’m not sure my comment has included the quote I wanted it to! 🙈

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Can you offer to wear one of those shields instead ?

Why?

They protect the wearer against splatter landing in the eyes, but do nothing to protect either wearer or anyone else around them from exhalations in general, as they just go round the edges

@TolkiensFallow no, it's not a care home or any sort of medical setting/working with vulnerable people. All of my colleagues are young and healthy (as far as I know), many of them younger than me. Doesn't necessarily mean they won't get seriously ill but quite a few of them have also already caught it over the summer. I have been double vaccinated too.

@WaltzingBetty I like that response! I am quite shy about sticking up for myself normally but I would honestly rather leave than have to wear a mask. It's just too difficult.

[quote troobleflooble]@elliejjtiny thank you. I have a similar reaction, I cry and shake and end up feeling horribly sick or having a panic attack. I'm shaking now just thinking about it.

I don't mind telling them I have PTSD but I don't want to go into details and people do inevitably seem to ask. [/quote]
In that case, I’d contact your manager to let them know ahead of time. Something along the lines

I understand that masks will be mandatory form Monday and I also understand how important they are.
However, I am unable to wear them as they trigger my PTSD and would make me unable to work.
Could you let me know how I could get my exemption badge?

@WaltzingBetty has a great answer if they probe more.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Can you just say it's PTSD/MH related? I don't think you should have to offer anything further. If you would be able to get a letter from a doctor with the diagnoses etc, offer that as "proof".

I work in a supermarket and am mask exempt, during the first lockdown when masks became mandatory we got the similar message from our store management.

For us the discussion was "Do you have a mask exemption, as defined by the government guidelines?" and if you said yes then they asked no further questions but we had to sign an "Exemption waiver" so they had a paper trail if the police came to do a spot check (never happened but was constantly being threatened at the time) regarding mask compliance. It was to ensure that management could say that they had spoken to the exempt colleagues and confirmed their exemption was genuine (ie that there was a justifiable reason and not just "I don't want to") before giving them an exemption lanyard and badge.

They provided us with company lanyards and badges so that it was clear who was exempt in a consistent way (some of us are mask exempt but don't want to wear sunflower lanyards) and made it clear to customers that we were not wearing masks because of an exemption.

I hope you can work this out with your employer.

Given the size of your workplace it might also be wise for a short email to be sent out to all. Something along the lines of
‘Trooble has a confirmed mask exemption due to PTSD. We’d like to ask you all to be respectful and not ask any further questions on the subject’.

You shouldn’t have to share so much, but in a small office there’s likely to be speculation and someone will always bloody ask.

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Just message. Hi, thanks for the heads up but I already have an exemption lanyard.. See you tomorrow.. Op.

There is no such thing as an exemption lanyard. The sunflower lanyard is to indicate that the wearer has a hidden disability. I am autistic so I wear a lanyard but I'm not mask exempt.

OP, definitely don't cause yourself any undue distress by wearing a mask to please your employer. I can imagine that disclosing your PTSD is daunting so if I were in your position I would speak to occupational health or get a vague GP letter.

You do not need to tell them you have PTSD. You do not have to give them any reason. Just say you are exempt, and keep saying it calmly and definitely. You do not have to prove to anyone that you are exempt.

[quote troobleflooble]@TolkiensFallow no, it's not a care home or any sort of medical setting/working with vulnerable people. All of my colleagues are young and healthy (as far as I know), many of them younger than me. Doesn't necessarily mean they won't get seriously ill but quite a few of them have also already caught it over the summer. I have been double vaccinated too.

@WaltzingBetty I like that response! I am quite shy about sticking up for myself normally but I would honestly rather leave than have to wear a mask. It's just too difficult. [/quote]
Please don't assume that all your colleagues are for and healthy. One of them may have had a transplant or have had a blood cancer which could mean that even though they've had 3 vaccines they probably won't have antibodies.
Please talk to your boss and tell them you have PTSD so can't wear a mask. They have a duty of care to all their employees including you so its up to them to come up with a solution.

This, exactly. Hopefully they can understand (or Google!) that the symptoms of PTSD get worse in having to talk avoid it. I would just say you genuinely can't, it's too traumatising if they ask. Which also to anyone sensible gives vibes to stop asking.

It's probably easier to do it over email and just get over and done with as it's clearly going to play on your mind.
I would send a very polite email saying you understand the need for this but you have PTSD and that while you happily support measures to reduce the spread of infection, you are unable to wear a mask.
Follow it with something like 'i hope you understand that the reasons for this are confidential and I am unable to discuss it in any detail. I would be happy to wear a face shield and to adapt my duties if required to support the business and colleagues' (or whatever is appropriate to convey you are not being an awkward arse covid non believer and are trying).

You can argue all you like that you shouldn't have to do this but you have no track record and making a good impression is clearly important to you

So, as it turns out I was so anxious about it I didn't sleep much the night before my shift and was pretty exhausted the next day, not to mention just generally terrified and shaky about discussing it with them.

It was too late for it to be appropriate to message them the night before and I don't have their email addresses yet so I had to just brace myself and prepare to speak in person. As it turned out I wore my lanyard in to work and Boss1 met me, introduced himself and didn't even mention it. I breathed a sigh of relief as I was genuinely so nervous.

However today I met Boss2 and she immediately asked where my mask was (I was still wearing lanyard) to which I politely mentioned that I was unable to wear one due to medical reasons. She then kept pushing for more and more details and every time I tried to say something true but not too specific she just kept asking. Even when I said it was PTSD related due to a 'traumatic incident, she wouldn't stop. Note - She asked me about this on the shop floor in front of customers.

Of course I got more and more upset and flustered at being put on the spot so suddenly. She finally let it drop when I got so distressed I almost burst into tears. She then followed it up with 'oh well it must have been bad then'

😡😡😡 You fucking think?!?! Tone deaf. Can't wait until this whole mask thing is over with and I can stop justifying myself and reliving it all the time 😞😭

She pushed you that hard in front of customers?

@troobleflooble

So, as it turns out I was so anxious about it I didn't sleep much the night before my shift and was pretty exhausted the next day, not to mention just generally terrified and shaky about discussing it with them.

It was too late for it to be appropriate to message them the night before and I don't have their email addresses yet so I had to just brace myself and prepare to speak in person. As it turned out I wore my lanyard in to work and Boss1 met me, introduced himself and didn't even mention it. I breathed a sigh of relief as I was genuinely so nervous.

However today I met Boss2 and she immediately asked where my mask was (I was still wearing lanyard) to which I politely mentioned that I was unable to wear one due to medical reasons. She then kept pushing for more and more details and every time I tried to say something true but not too specific she just kept asking. Even when I said it was PTSD related due to a 'traumatic incident, she wouldn't stop. Note - She asked me about this on the shop floor in front of customers.

Of course I got more and more upset and flustered at being put on the spot so suddenly. She finally let it drop when I got so distressed I almost burst into tears. She then followed it up with 'oh well it must have been bad then'

😡😡😡 You fucking think?!?! Tone deaf. Can't wait until this whole mask thing is over with and I can stop justifying myself and reliving it all the time 😞😭

That is TOTALLY inappropriate!!! How awful for her to do that to you. Will you be making a complaint? That's absolutely disgusting. I'm furious for you!

how would you feel about asking everyone (employees) to be told that it’s accepted you can’t wear a mask for medical reasons. You’re not obliged to, but might it cut down on ham fisted intrusive questions?

@troobleflooble

So, as it turns out I was so anxious about it I didn't sleep much the night before my shift and was pretty exhausted the next day, not to mention just generally terrified and shaky about discussing it with them.

It was too late for it to be appropriate to message them the night before and I don't have their email addresses yet so I had to just brace myself and prepare to speak in person. As it turned out I wore my lanyard in to work and Boss1 met me, introduced himself and didn't even mention it. I breathed a sigh of relief as I was genuinely so nervous.

However today I met Boss2 and she immediately asked where my mask was (I was still wearing lanyard) to which I politely mentioned that I was unable to wear one due to medical reasons. She then kept pushing for more and more details and every time I tried to say something true but not too specific she just kept asking. Even when I said it was PTSD related due to a 'traumatic incident, she wouldn't stop. Note - She asked me about this on the shop floor in front of customers.

Of course I got more and more upset and flustered at being put on the spot so suddenly. She finally let it drop when I got so distressed I almost burst into tears. She then followed it up with 'oh well it must have been bad then'

😡😡😡 You fucking think?!?! Tone deaf. Can't wait until this whole mask thing is over with and I can stop justifying myself and reliving it all the time 😞😭

Fucking hell!! That is not on at all!! I can't believe she put you through that.