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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on this night out or let my partner

35 replies

Gravychicken · 12/12/2021 20:28

A friend booked in a birthday night out the week before Christmas and my partner has a Christmas work drinks booked in too i had decided to join for a few birthday drinks but avoid the clubbing part due to Covid risks. I’ve now decided not to go at all as we are visiting my elderly parents and don’t fancy isolating over Christmas. My partner still wants to go on his night out and is telling me I should still go on mine. What would you do ? As if my partner does get Covid I would still isolate with him as I can’t give it to my family.

OP posts:
SivvyPlath · 12/12/2021 20:29

You can't 'not let' your partner do anything.

MichelleScarn · 12/12/2021 20:33

@SivvyPlath

You can't 'not let' your partner do anything.
This basically
Original poster
Gravychicken · 12/12/2021 20:33

I’ve said he can go and won’t say anything to him but I just feel un easy sign him going out clubbing so close to Christmas

OP posts:
FallonCarringtonWannabe · 12/12/2021 20:35

Get lft’s and test yourselves.

Original poster
Gravychicken · 12/12/2021 20:37

Yes I will test myself before I go over no matter what my whole family are it’s just the risk of him catching it and us not being able to go

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 12/12/2021 20:37

You can't "not let" him do anything. You're not his mother. I understand your feeling apprehensive about this and I don't blame you for wanting to minimise the risk. But if you're sufficiently anxious about it you will have to isolate from him. Do you live together?

Marianne1234 · 12/12/2021 20:38

I mean yeah I see your point. But you can’t tell him what to do, he’s an adult 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can you stay elsewhere for the run up?

Original poster
Gravychicken · 12/12/2021 20:40

Yes we live together and can’t go anywhere else I’m just going to suck it up

OP posts:
DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 12/12/2021 20:54

If your dh goes out and catches Covid, can I just ask why you would isolate with him?

He has weighed up the risks and has decided the risk is worth it.

Why would you not go and see your family if you have no symptoms and regular negative lft's?

SlashBeef · 12/12/2021 20:55

Yabu, I have little time for people that talk about "letting" their partners do things. He can do whatever he wants. You only get to make decisions for yourself.

Original poster
Gravychicken · 12/12/2021 20:56

Well because I could still pass it to them and unless I stay in a hotel I have to stay with him in the run upto Christmas

OP posts:
Original poster
Gravychicken · 12/12/2021 20:56

Also who would leave there partner alone possibly I’ll on Christmas

OP posts:
Misty84 · 12/12/2021 20:56

My partner would never do this if we were visiting my elderly parents and I told him I was uncomfortable with it! I’m with you OP.

LethargicActress · 12/12/2021 20:58

He wants to go, so you have to accept it graciously. What you do is your choice

userxx · 12/12/2021 20:59

If your partner got covid it's not a given you'd end up with it. Most importantly you can't tell another grown up what to do, it comes across as controlling and not very nice.

Morechocmorechoc · 12/12/2021 20:59

Are your parents OK with you visiting if he does this would be my question. My inlaws certainly wouldnt be so I woukdnt be doing it as its selfish to them and my partner. A night clubbing to risk their health is undoubtedly selfish.

Ask your parents. If they object tell your partner if he goes then you can't see your family. That should be sufficient.

Thatsplentyjack · 12/12/2021 21:01

@Gravychicken

I’ve said he can go and won’t say anything to him but I just feel un easy sign him going out clubbing so close to Christmas
How good of you to say he can go Hmm
WonderfulYou · 12/12/2021 21:04

What was the plan that you both isolate for 10 days before Xmas?

If you’re still working and going shopping etc then you are being even more Unreasonable.

LostForIdeas · 12/12/2021 21:08

@WonderfulYou

What was the plan that you both isolate for 10 days before Xmas?

If you’re still working and going shopping etc then you are being even more Unreasonable.

Oh come on.

The risk going shopping are nit the same than going clubbing or in a pub.
I would have thought everyone knew that by now….

shinynewapple21 · 12/12/2021 21:09

If you and / or your partner are unlucky and have to isolate over Christmas Day, could you see your parents over the New Years weekend instead ?

liveforsummer · 13/12/2021 04:34

Worst case he gets it get him to stay in room as much as possible and keep the windows open. Dd currently has covid and is asleep next to me, she also frequently steals my drinks etc and so far I've not caught it. It's not a given that you will. Take a PCR a couple of days before to be safe and daily ltf. I guess there's a risk that the rules might change though like they have here in Scotland. I'm currently stuck isolating now despite being double jabbed and negative 😏.

Jobsharenightmare · 13/12/2021 04:40

It just wouldn't occur to us to risk not seeing elderly parents at Christmas for the sake of a night out. I'm surprised he wants to go.

Bells3032 · 13/12/2021 04:59

Think people are being very judgemental here. Yeah you can't tell your partner what to do but that's not really the point of this post. She's not wanting to keep him locked up to prevent him from attending.

As a partner you also have the right to say you're uncomfortable with something and it's their choice whether to listen. If your parents are vulnerable then I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to risk either their health or having to isolate over Christmas for the sake of a night out.

And people sayin "oh you can still go and see your elderly parents if he catches it" are just irresponsible and probably the reason its still spreading so much.

FightTheFlatEarth · 13/12/2021 05:20

@WonderfulYou

What was the plan that you both isolate for 10 days before Xmas?

If you’re still working and going shopping etc then you are being even more Unreasonable.

Yeah.. No.

YANBU OP. You don't get to decide for him but if he loves you he should choose not to so you can be with your family at Christmas. If he goes, I would go stay with my parents from that night until after christmas.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 13/12/2021 06:29

Do your parents have a plan B should you not be able to see them due to Covid? And does your partner? What does he think will happen to the Christmas plans if either of you catch it?

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