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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I just want to stay at home sometimes

53 replies

Tistheseasontobeknobby · 12/12/2021 14:26

Dd, 3.5 said this yesterday.
We go out a fair amount, but not constantly, she spoke today about she just wanted to stay at home sometimes.
It’s made me question whether all these nice things we do-going to see Santa, the lights, playgrounds, cafes etc are really worth doing, are kids just happier staying in?

OP posts:

lockdownalli · 12/12/2021 14:49

Mine were both homebodies. XMIL was always badgering me about "never taking them out."

I did take them out loads - to the beach, to the park, the zoo, bloody soft play, football, ballet, all kinds of shite. I just didn't have to be out the house all day every day like both my SILS and she couldn't understand that my DC preferred it like that.

missbunnyrabbit · 12/12/2021 14:53

I've been a homebody my whole life. Never liked being dragged out to 'activities' by my mum.

monsterflake · 12/12/2021 15:00

We are at home a lot. I have mental health issues and was set back quite a bit as lockdown happened at the same time I fled domestic abuse.

My eldest son was quite badly affected with anxiety etc and my second is autistic, they both love chilling at home, watching films and today have made a blanket Fort with my 6 year old and are Colouring at the moment. My youngest has bowel issues, has a lot of accidents so prefers being indoors too, she gets really distressed if we are somewhere and she doesn't know how to get to the toilet.

Sorry for the life story, and definitely not trying to assume your child has mental health problems or anything just wanted to reassure you really that some children like to be at home because the familiarity and routine makes them feel safe and secure. If she likes being at home it means you have created a safe, comforting space for her where she enjoys spending time and that's a really good thing in my opinion.

It doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy the days out, my children love occasional days out when they know the plans in advance, just she's still very little and might be feeling overwhelmed, tired etc and is still learning how to express her feelings. Maybe some days in doing crafts, baking etc will be good for her.

Avarua · 12/12/2021 16:02

@Tistheseasontobeknobby she's 9 and VERY social. Loads of friends.

TheSmallAssassin · 12/12/2021 16:06

Everybody's different, OP, some kids like to be out and about and active all the time, others are homebodies. It's OK either way, your daughter obviously wants to stay at home more, you don't need reassurance from us to tell you that it's OK to do that!

TheChristmasElephant · 12/12/2021 16:09

@Workyticket

My 9 year old loves staying home! He's still in his pyjamas now 😳

We had a busy day yesterday with his footy match, Christmas farm type day and evening out plus a santa visit.

If asked he chooses home over most other things. He loved lockdown

Haha you're VERY brave saying that on mn

! Like others have stated it's just what works for you OP. I always like to plan activities around knowing when my DH is home so they can choose if they want to join or not

GoodnightGrandma · 12/12/2021 16:09

I used to drag mine out all the time, but often they wanted to have a lazy day watching TV and playing with their toys.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 12/12/2021 16:53

I think it depends. My DSD is 6 and sometimes will say she wants to stay home and have a lazy day but usually once we make it clear she won’t be sitting attached to a screen all day she suddenly wants to go out Sometimes if she’s genuinely tired though a day in watching a movie or something can be good. You know your child best so it’s your call.

lazyarse123 · 12/12/2021 16:56

Ours are adults now but i have the same issue with my dh. I work full time and would like nothing better than to slob in front of the tv. He is retired and desperate to go out all weekend, but it can get costly with fuel and food. Unfortunately this weekend is just before payday and nearly christmas so we've had to stay in. I've loved it, he's sat here looming like he's seen his bum

lazyarse123 · 12/12/2021 16:58

Looking not looming.

AmIatotalthicko · 12/12/2021 17:08

In my experience (Worked with kids for 23 years) so many children want this. Parents are so desperate to 'make memories' or have them do every club under the sun. Sometimes I think the billions of outings are more for bored adults. A lot of children like chilling at home, just playing with toys. Simple things.

Hankunamatata · 12/12/2021 17:11

I think lots depends if they are in full time daycare/nursery.

JudgeJ · 12/12/2021 17:14

Parents seem to feel the need to micro-manage their children's lives, out on visits, activities all the time and when they are at home doing craft, baking etc etc. When do children get to do what they want, maybe just play with the loads of toys they all seem to have?

Nidan2Sandan · 12/12/2021 17:19

I knew someone who, pretty much from birth, took their kid out all day every day, or off to visit family or whatever. She said she hated just sitting at home.

To me her kid always seemed like a piece of luggage she took everywhere. Anyway, lockdown comes along and her daughter is 8 and she realises that her daughter just doesnt know how to play at home and entertain herself. Having never had to do it as she was always "entertained". Bit of an eye opener I expect.

For me, I'm a homebody and so are my kids. DH gets cabin fever so he likes to get out most days so lockdown nearly killed him.

We go out to clubs and things after school, but weekends are for relaxing at home unless there are specific plans. But we would never book something in every weekend.

Technosaurus · 12/12/2021 17:28

Depends on the child.

We have a 3yr9month old, he loves staying in. Perfectly happy just playing for hours (and yes sometimes the telly is involved). We don't have to overstimulate him, some days going to do the glass recycling or a trip to the supermarket is enough. Good sleeper generally, sticks to bedtime, usually lies in past 8am now, regardless of whether we've done nothing or loads the previous day.

We have a friend whose kid is a matter of days older, they HAVE to take him out every morning and every afternoon, rain wind or shine, otherwise won't sleep later. And regardless of what they do, he's an early riser. So I'd say it depends totally on the child.

Tabbacus · 12/12/2021 17:30

I think it varies, DS loves being out and about but also really enjoys and is happier at home sometimes. We keep one weekend day free if we have something pre planned on the other one and then go with the flow. I think there's a lot of pressure now to do loads 'making memories', when really days playing at home and watching films in your jammies also create fond memories.

shouldistop · 12/12/2021 17:30

Now 5yo ds is at school he sometimes asks to stay home. He was only ever at nursery about 15 hours a week before so probably didn't feel the need at that age. Also he obviously spent a lot of his pre-school years at home anyway due to lock downs and restrictions (west of Scotland so we had very tight restrictions for a long time).
When he was a toddler / pre-schooler before the pandemic we would usually have 1 day at home a week with maybe just a walk to the shops or play park then we'd have one afternoon at the weekend at home too usually.

Technosaurus · 12/12/2021 17:31

Should probably add that we do still take our DS out to do stuff. He loves swimming, going to the beach, walks in the woods etc, but if the weather is rubbish or we can't be bothered for whatever reason, it's not a problem to just stay in

Darkpheonix · 12/12/2021 17:33

Its about finding a balance that suits each family and child. My dd always loved going out and and about, but would also enjoy a day at home.

Ds much prefers being at home and really dislikes days or weeks where we have loads to do.

If we stayed at home all the time, ds might enjoy it. But life would be pretty boring, so there has to be a compromise.

SophieKat1982 · 12/12/2021 17:33

@WorraLiberty

But having said that, I often silently wonder if some kids are so busy every minute of the day, will they have trouble learning to entertain themselves.

Wholeheartedly agree with this.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 12/12/2021 17:33

Ime dc need to just be able to amuse themselves in their own environment.

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 12/12/2021 17:33

I'm a homebody and DD is exactly the same.

She loves nothing more than sitting at home, in some comfy clothes and just playing with her toys/watching films.

We do all the normal activities (the zoo, soft play, trampoline park, beach, crèche, park...) but as she's at school all week, she really just wants to spend the weekends at home.

DreamerSeven · 12/12/2021 17:35

My kids have always loved being at home and often opt to have a pj day over a day out if given the choice. I’ve definitely dialled down on the “organised fun” stuff over the years after realising they’re happiest at home.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 12/12/2021 19:22

[quote Tistheseasontobeknobby]@WorraLiberty For sure, I mean, I love staying in and doing nothing a lot of the time, she says it quite a lot though. I just wonder if we put too much on our kids in the wanting them to have a good time, when really they’d be happier running around the house and garden in their pjs[/quote]
Maybe you are, it’s something for you to consider.
I don’t, personally. We have plenty of time at home chilling.

Hugoslavia · 12/12/2021 22:19

Generally, I think that yes, most kids lives are too busy and that most do enjoy downtime at home rather than going out all the time.

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