This is when life begins, the best years of your life

[Arewenearlythereyeti]

My mum said this to me when I had my Dd, now 3. Any thoughts on this?

Um, how old are you? I think that info is missing.

Yes I agree with your mum

I miss having a little hand to hold... 😢

My ex are all grown but grandchildren will come along I'm sure.

Eh?

It may not seem like it at the time but hindsight is a great thing! Rose coloured spectacles and all. Honestly, I think that saying things like this, however well meant, can sometimes just add to the pressure, especially if you're having a bad day. But one thing to keep in mind is that the years when they are little seem long but go by fast, and they are precious! Mine are older now but I do look back on those days, even the really difficult ones, with nostalgia.

Definitely true for me .

@XenoBitch Why? I’m 42

@LittleDandelionClock Eh what? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agree it’s rose coloured specs. I can see it from all sides. My dc range from 17 to 2. I look back on my eldests babyhood as a real golden time, even though I was young, single and mostly broke. I realise now that she was a very easy baby and I was surrounded by friends. Being right in the trenches of the toddler years with my youngest I realise just how soul destroying it can be. Admittedly, she has been the hardest by FAR, her temperament from birth has been difficult, and they will colour what I say to others who have babies in future. We haven’t really enjoyed it, sad to say. We’ve SURVIVED it. The guilt I’ve felt about that has made an already difficult time much much worse. It’s felt lonelier this time. Obviously the pandemic hadn’t helped but all of my friends are now past the baby stage. I don’t think I’ll rose tint this as much as my others, the experience really has been quite different! Please don’t beat yourself up if you feel the same. People forget what it’s like to have a young child, they only tend to remember the good bits.

I have a DD who is 4. I like parenting her and I love her extravagantly. But my life before her was amazing, just different. I don't feel like my life started with her, just a different chapter.

I think it's the sort of thing people say when they're safe in the knowledge that it'll never again be them that's up in the middle of the night with a crying child!

I think it's quite sad that your mum thinks your life before children was meaningless.

I can kind of see where she is coming from. Pre children I travelled a lots, got a PhD, and without wanting to sound smug had pretty much the exact life I dreamed of when I was young, but since having my first child all that kind of paled into insignificance and my favourite and most fulfilling role in life is being a mother (which has completely taken me by surprise as up until my mid 30s I had zero interest in having kids). However that is my personal experience, and not everyone feels like that of course. I'm your mum didn't mean any offence by saying that OP, but it was just her personal experience :)

She's right, and has give you the heads up so take note. The sleepless nights, tantrums, schoolgate shenanigans are testing, but just hover above it all OP. This is a golden time and over all too soon.
I have to make an appointment to see my 20 something kids now...those little beings who once depended on me for everything. I did a good job I think....

I agree with your mum

@Anomelettefortheroad No, I don’t think she sees it as *My life being meaningless before Dd, but perhaps she felt that way?

@Anomelettefortheroad

I think it's quite sad that your mum thinks your life before children was meaningless.

This. Your Mum’s comments shits all over childless or child free women and suggests that their life hasn’t begun

True for me. I had lots of fun before DC but having them took life to another level, emotionally especially, but also mentally and physically. In good and bad wats but I’m grateful to have experienced them both ways.

I loved having littles ones but personally I think life begins when you are born.
As for the best years? Well, now my DC are young adults/students it is wonderful having time and money for DH and me to do what we want but with the DC still seeing my house as their home to return to for Christmas (and a fun evening this week putting up the decorations) and other celebrations.
So much depends on health, luck and money though.

God no. The years when I had young children were absolutely not the best years of my life. Love them to bits (18 and 19 now) but the years before and the years later were definitely better for me.

The fist 6 years are hard, but full of magic. Your child will make you see the world with their eyes. Mine are bigger now, and I miss it.

@Cma1988 No. she didn’t mean it like that at all. Her life was built around motherhood and it’s truly all she ever wanted and thrived upon.
It took me ten years to finally conceive and my life was all about a great, v meaningful career, travelling the world, lots of fun and experiences and living abroad.
This is how she feels, she knows everyone doesn’t feel the same or that it takes priority over others lives without children, this is where her personal meaning in life lies.

Your mum is just trying to give you a message, born out of her own experience.
Do you live and trust her? Then listen with an open heart xx

This. Your Mum’s comments shits all over childless or child free women and suggests that their life hasn’t begun

And this too.

I disagree with the OP’s mum. I found having very young children very constraining and frustrating.

Your Mum’s comments shits all over childless or child free women and suggests that their life hasn’t begun

But the OP's mum wasn't saying this to a childless or child-free woman though, you must know that that kind of comment between a mother and daughter would not have had malicious connotations directed at complete strangers. If the OP's mum had said something to her pre-children like 'I hope you have a child soon or your life will be meaningless' then I would agree with your point but that doesn't seem to be the case.