This is when life begins, the best years of your life

[Arewenearlythereyeti]

My mum said this to me when I had my Dd, now 3. Any thoughts on this?

Your Mum’s comments shits all over childless or child free women and suggests that their life hasn’t begun

Did I miss the bit where she said it to women who don’t have children?

@Constance1 @BoredZelda I don’t understand the comments 🤷🏻‍♀️

I felt that my life was richer and fuller after having DC. It was like I'd passed into a different side of life that I'd always kind of known was there but hadn't appreciated how awesome it was. I fell in love with each of them I suppose is what it is. It's a pretty powerful experience.

Not for me. I love my kids but my life doesn’t revolve around them. It did when they were small as it has to and that was hard. Now they’re young adults and for me life is so much better. I think it’s extremely damaging to your children to make them the source of your emotional well-being.

Having children has been one of the few things in life that’s totally exceeded my expectations. My oldest is six and the novelty of having them has never worn off for me. I’ve loved every minute up to now and feel extremely lucky to have had the experiences I’ve had. I feel ten feet tall when I walk along holding my children’s hands and I’m totally confident in my own ability as a parent when I constantly doubt myself in all other areas of my life. While I’m educated and I’ve got a decent job, all of that for me is pale by comparison and my life really did begin when I had my little ones. So while I know everyone won’t agree, for me what your mum said OP is true x

What’s this thread for? OP seems confused in her replies and has a vague OP, what is it, specifically you want us to say?

I’m proudly childfree, and am pretty sure my life began when I was forced into existence decades ago, and reproducing would absolutely not be best years of my life, but what’s that got to do with your mother and her words? Weird.

It depends on the person. For me, the best years of my life were from about 25 to 37, when I was young, free, had no real commitments and was earning a good salary that meant I could pretty much do what I wanted (within reason).

Having a kid has been great in a different way. But it’s as sure as fuck not better.

My DM used to come out with nonsense similar to this. Utter bollocks, as far as I'm concerned. Your DM and my DM might have had delightful, life-affirming experiences of having babies/toddlers, which made their previous lives pale in comparison. But with HG during pregnancy then PTSD from a traumatic birth, my experience was very different.
I adored my DD from the moment I knew she existed, but found the baby and toddler years pretty boring, at best. It became more enjoyable as DD grew - now a young teen she's brilliant company, funny and clever. I just don't 'get' people who coo over the baby years and mourn their babies growing up too fast - but then it wouldn't do for us all to be the same!

I kind of see where she’s coming from.

My life before my baby was fantastic and I have so many good memories. But I definitely feel like a different life began the day my son was born.

I’m still me, but the whole world feels different. It’s definitely the best part of my life so far (appreciate I’m lucky not to have had postnatal depression or anything that would impact this though).

@NowEvenBetter Why the bitchy comment? Is it necessary, there’s nothing weird about it. It was to see if people who had kids agreed with my mums comment

Not ‘bitchy’. You could have explained that a bit better in your OP, then, couldn’t you?

@whatamilookingfor

I have a DD who is 4. I like parenting her and I love her extravagantly. But my life before her was amazing, just different. I don't feel like my life started with her, just a different chapter.

I’d agree with this. I like my life before and after having DS. I find the whole schtik about life being monochrome before you push out a baby ridiculous and demeaning — I had almost 40 largely excellent years of life before I had DS. If your life only started to have meaning when you had a baby, you were doing it wrong before.

Shit has my life not begun yet? I’m 40 next year and not having children by choice. Does that mean the best years of my life never start?

I absolutely agree with this!

I suppose the message is that although much of the reality of liking after small children is frustrating and hard work, to also remember and treasure some of the lovely moments.

I look at photos of when DD and all her cousins were 4, 5ish and playing together and think how lovely.

But in truth I wouldn't go back in time. They are all grown up 20 somethings now but lovely people to know.

Also DH and I have recently retired so am inclined to hope that now could be the best years of our life!

@Anomelettefortheroad

I think it's quite sad that your mum thinks your life before children was meaningless.

Absolutely this.

Personally I think university was the best 3 years of my life. I kind of hated my twenties (working hard, less money) but late twenties to early 30s once in a manager role, plenty of money, when not working, time go for nice meals and nice holidays.... that was a great time and I am envious of my junior colleagues in this position.

Having young dc is something to cherish but HARD WORK. I am looking forward to them leaving home so I can have a quiet life again.

@NowEvenBetter I thought it was fairly easy to understand.

Why are you concerned about posting on a thread that doesn’t matter to you anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️If you’re child free, that’s great, I was on the fence for many years and then had many years fighting infertility.
I was interested to hear what people with children thought of my mums comment, that’s all.

I was surprised she said it as although I adore my Dd and life is a different kind of fulfilment, my life was fuller, albeit in a different way before.

I wanted to see what mothers/parents thought of her comment and if I was slightly lacking in questioning that my DD’s life was the start of my life. Ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is your mum's opinion which she is entitled to. Doesn't mean that you have to feel the same though .

That depends on each person as an individual surely. I’m very maternal and have wanted children since I was a child myself so starting my family was definitely the happiest time of my life for me. Other people don’t want children and get to travel the world, buy beautiful houses and posh cars and are very happy with their lot thank you very much!

It's a ridiculous comment. Life is what you make of it. It doesn't suddenly start or begin to be meaningful once you have children. If so, then shame on you for wasting it and not fulfilling your potential before your children arrived.

It's thoughtless, naive comments like this that used to be like a knife in the heart when I was struggling with infertility and miscarriages.

I have a child now but my life is just as good now as it was before, albeit in very different ways.

If your only identity and self worth in life is intrinsically linked to reproducing, then maybe it will resonate, but how sad to not have made more of yourself before that.