To be annoyed at mil?

[Cloudydaysx]

Me and DH have one child together I have a child from a previous relationship who DH raises as his own. Today we got some Christmas cards in the post and mil and fil have only sent a card to there biological grandchild who is only a baby. Our eldest has a relationship with them and didn’t understand why they didn’t get a card but the baby did. This has obviously upset me and DH thinks I’m over reacting.
I don’t expect them to be treated 100 percent the same but surely sending a card to both children isn’t much to ask?

That’s very hurtful. You aren’t being unreasonable at all.

What a cow. I hope your dh pulls her up on it tonight op..

Yes, I'd consider this extremely upsetting. Surely the point is that they sent it to the family and that's you, DH, and two children?

It's actually pretty despicable. There are many situations where you could understand them choosing to treat their biological grandchild differently - eg in their will. But this is not one of them and in fact is petty and mean. FFS, half of our christmas cards are addressed To Triffid, DH, DD, DS, Dcat and Ddog!

Has your older child received a card from them in the past?

That seems pretty shitty to me, if your DH treats the child as his own, I would have hoped they could too.

Does your child’s biological father figure in his life and does he have any contact with those grandparents?
Sorry they are being like this.

Also, do they give her a gift? Because they're moving towards a situation where they don't even do that and that would make me even more angry.

V hurtful of them

I totally see where you are coming from.
I have 2 older children and a younger one with my husband. We have been together 11 years, yet his dad will only write our names and our youngest child in cards. Its mean and unnecessary! We are a family.

Such a callous and cruel thing to do and utterly pointless. So sorry op.

I would 100% ring them up and say they only your babies has arrived and if they posted them both at the same time.

This gives them an out and lets them know you are expecting one

@Cloudydaysx

Me and DH have one child together I have a child from a previous relationship who DH raises as his own. Today we got some Christmas cards in the post and mil and fil have only sent a card to there biological grandchild who is only a baby. Our eldest has a relationship with them and didn’t understand why they didn’t get a card but the baby did. This has obviously upset me and DH thinks I’m over reacting. I don’t expect them to be treated 100 percent the same but surely sending a card to both children isn’t much to ask?

Your MiL is a dick. Imagine doing that to kids. For The price of a card and stamp...

Has your child received cards to them alone previously?
How old are they?

That's unforgivable imo. How could anyone be so blatantly awful? It's made even worse that your daft husband doesn't see a problem.

I would leave it a day or 2 in case it's still on it's way before erupting. Then I'd mention it's non arrival and see what their reaction is. If it's not forthcoming, then I'd definitely erupt.

@Motheroftigers

I would 100% ring them up and say they only your babies has arrived and if they posted them both at the same time.

This gives them an out and lets them know you are expecting one

Yup, I'd totally play dumb and do this.

I would also ask DH how many children he believes he has. This is (apparently) the moment where the way DH's family relate to your children is going to be decided. Don't let him tell you, "It's just a card." (If it's just a card they can bloody well send one to the older child can't they.) Yes this is a hill I would die on.

That is horrible and says enough about them as people that I’d not to want either of my children to have a relationship with them.

I can’t comprehend people who do things like this and the fact your husband isn’t angry is a big red flag too.

What an awful thing to do

That's arsehole behaviour. My biological grandparents used to send my half brothers (so no relation to them) cards and a small gift for birthdays/ Christmas (I mean a couple of pounds or chocolate etc). It's hardly difficult for them to include your eldest and it's wrong not to- she's part of the family. If my step dads family had done this to me while he was alive they'd have been bollocked by him and my mum. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Complete arsehole behaviour. Not acceptable at all

In the nicest possible way, take a deep breath and calm down. If the card has arrived in the post, then one for your other child may still be on its way. Don't get angry until you know for certain they've not sent one. In that case, then let rip

Ring them thanking them for the cards but mention how you’ve only got baby’s card but your sure your eldest’s one will arrive soon

Assholes. And of course your husband is defending his mummy. They can't do wrong, can they😒

YANBU and I would also find DH comment that you are over reacting hurtful

Thats awful, I would find it most hurtful and would let her know .

VICIOUS!!!! I also would be deeply concerned about DH playing it down. Deeply concerned indeed

Rude and nasty. Definitely say something