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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at mil?

42 replies

Cloudydaysx · 11/12/2021 19:39

Me and DH have one child together I have a child from a previous relationship who DH raises as his own. Today we got some Christmas cards in the post and mil and fil have only sent a card to there biological grandchild who is only a baby. Our eldest has a relationship with them and didn’t understand why they didn’t get a card but the baby did. This has obviously upset me and DH thinks I’m over reacting.
I don’t expect them to be treated 100 percent the same but surely sending a card to both children isn’t much to ask?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/12/2021 20:40

That’s very pointed. Who sends individual cards? Why don’t you get one with all of your names in?! Very weird. But she’s making some sort of twisted point so I’d follow the advice to play dumb and let them know your child’s card hasn’t yet arrived.

If she’s anything less than apologetic then DH needs to say something.

Yourforever · 11/12/2021 20:40

Is there a history here? Because you blame your mil but later mention a fil who you don't seem to blame. Does your child regularly get left out? Is your mil nasty to you? Did your husband care about that before your shared child was born?

MrsBellamy · 11/12/2021 20:43

The only time I would excuse this is if it's baby's first Christmas and so baby got a special card for that reason and other card has you, DH and child on it. Then next years all 4 on the same card IYSWIM.

Lussekatt · 11/12/2021 20:45

@Yourforever

Is there a history here? Because you blame your mil but later mention a fil who you don't seem to blame. Does your child regularly get left out? Is your mil nasty to you? Did your husband care about that before your shared child was born?
I'm willing to bet my house the MIL does all the cards and just signs her husbands name. I would say 9 out of 10 couples work that way.
LivingNextDoorToNorma · 11/12/2021 20:46

If that’s what they’ve done then it’s awful, and actually quite cruel. But just take a minute, do they usually send your dc a card? I only ask because I posted 2 cards for my dad’s birthday. A couple of days later he text saying thank you, raving about dc’s lovely homemade grandad card. I thought nothing of it, because the card from dc was really sweet. It was about 3 days later that he text thanking me for the card from my husband and I. They’d been posted at the same time, I honestly don’t know what happened.

Obviously if this isn’t the case then I would absolutely say something, and there’s no way your husband should be defending them.

toddlingthroughtoddlerhood · 11/12/2021 20:46

My sister in law does this with her step daughter, only in reverse so signs our cards with only her daughters name and leaves her step daughter off! It’s horrible and at 14 my niece is well aware of it.
It’s alarming your partner thinks this is ok.

IncompleteSenten · 11/12/2021 20:49

That is unacceptable.

Your child exists.

If they don't want a grandparent role, fair enough. Can't force that but your child is a member of the household and deserving of their name on a bloody Christmas card.
It must feel like she's being erased in their minds. Now it's their son, his baby and the vessel that birthed said baby

The fact your husband doesn't think it matters is a problem.

Ottercave · 11/12/2021 20:49

If they arrived in the post I’d wait a few days before going nuclear.
Once my dad posted two cards to me. One was his the other was from my brother.
Both cards posted at the exact same time but delivered to us 4 days apart.

nexus63 · 11/12/2021 20:51

my son is in a relationship, they are engaged and she has a son from a previous marriage, they now have another son and he knows me as granny, (he is only 2) even before the youngest came along i treated the other son as my grandson, he had the option to call me gran or by my name, all his cards are to grandson, i love them both and treat them as my grandsons, i would never treat another child different as i was treated that way by my stepdad, even when i did not know he was not my dad, he would bring in 3 packs of sweets but nothing for me, my mum made the excuse it was because i was the oldest, that sort of hurt stays with you, your DH should man up and have a word with his parents, what will happen at christmas, will it only be a gift for the baby and not your other son. your in-laws should be ashamed of themselves...ps i went to my sons house today and the older child heard me talking, he came in a gave me a cuddle and chatted, then asked for another cuddle because he had not seen me in a while.

Nearlytheretrees · 11/12/2021 20:56

Did they send you and dh a card as well? Was your older DC on it if so? The only thing I would say is acceptable to do just one an individual one is if it's baby's first Christmas and the card said that on it

BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 20:58

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EdgeOfTheSky · 11/12/2021 21:02

MIL getting a lot of hate here. Named in the title, called a cow by PP…

Where is FIL in all this?

VinylCafe · 11/12/2021 21:06

@Yourforever

Is there a history here? Because you blame your mil but later mention a fil who you don't seem to blame. Does your child regularly get left out? Is your mil nasty to you? Did your husband care about that before your shared child was born?

Where does Op mention that?

AuntMargo · 11/12/2021 21:10

Totally unacceptable, tell them its either both or none !

Suzanne999 · 11/12/2021 21:11

Totally unacceptable. They’re 2 children in the same family, same household—- they should treat them the same.
My cousin had same situation—- mil and fil actually used to turn up weekly with sweets and even toys for their biological grandchild. Her older son got nothing. She had to put her foot down and say treat them the same or don’t come.

tallduckandhandsome · 11/12/2021 21:19

I’m so sorry that happened to you @nexus63 Sad it may seem like a small thing but it’s very upsetting for a child.

OP, it’s really worrying that your DH doesn’t see how bad this is. He needs to get it, quickly, and make sure PIL get it too.

StoneofDestiny · 11/12/2021 22:07

A nasty thing to do. They don't have to be blood relatives to send a card!

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