Xmas card etiquette

[Throwaway810]

Help me solve a friendly disagreement please.

I have been with DP for 2 years, living together for a year. My DP and I have met each others’ parents but they (the parents) have not met each other. This is partly due to covid, partly geography.

My DM wants to send my partner’s parents a Christmas card. I am refusing to hand over their address, on the grounds it is weird AF to send a card to someone you have never met or communicated with. I am a 40 year old woman with a mortgage, not a 15 year old whose boyfriend comes round to my parents’ house for tea after school. It feels like she is inserting herself into my adult relationships, though I realise that’s perhaps a bit unreasonable of me. We have a good relationship generally (I’m an only child).

DM thinks I am being deeply unreasonable and it is rude not to send a card to the parents of the man I am living with. FWIW my DP’s parents do not send cards themselves and he thinks they would likely receive it with a “nice gesture, but a bit weird” sentiment.

So am I being the grinch (YABU) or does she need to back off (YANBU)?

I definitely think it’s weird, you’re only 2 years into the relationship and don’t have kids or plans to marry so not only has your DM never met your DP’s parents but it’s also unlikely she’s going to meet them in the near future.

I would have stood my ground and refused to give the address.

I would do this. It would seem wrong not to acknowledge them I think.

This made me laugh, OP, and you must think I am v odd, but I actually still exchange an annual Christmas card with the mother of my DD's ex boyfriend from university ten years ago! I've only met her once, and her son is long married to someone else. But she's a nice soul and we chat on Facebook occasionally.
I exchange cards and presents with the parents of my DD's current long term partner, even though they live 500 miles away and I don't see them. There's no harm in making friendly gestures, surely?

You've been living together for 2 years but the two sets of parents haven't met - weird. Why not?

My parents sent cards to my in laws and visa versa but they had met at our house for coffee a few times so that seemed normal I think it would be a bit odd if they hadn't met

@TheCreamCaker

You've been living together for 2 years but the two sets of parents haven't met - weird. Why not?

Ds1 and his fiancée have been together for at least 2 years, and we haven’t met her parents - mainly because we live in Scotland and they live in Essex, and they and dh are all very busy, and then covid - three factors that have all conspired to prevent us meeting. We will meet a couple of days before the wedding in February, but we’ve talked on the phone in the meantime.

@TheCreamCaker

You've been living together for 2 years but the two sets of parents haven't met - weird. Why not?

Maybe something to do with the worldwide pandemic that’s taken up the best part of the last two years….

Your reaction is the weird one not hers.