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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She doesn't even like me does she....

34 replies

mrssclauss · 11/12/2021 14:05

My friend is a strange one.
Sometimes she is the bestest friend then other times she acts like an enemy.

I haven't been well with my mental health for a while now and she has had her troubles too.
I left a really good job and obviously things are a bit tight now.
She applied for PIP and asked would I help fill her forms in for her,so I completed them for her and told her what evidence she needed.
She got awarded it thankfully and I was over the moon for her.
She then started saying things like
Oh I'm sorry I know things are tight for you but up treat you now and again
Oh I've got a big back payment I'm going shopping ..I know it's hard for you right now so don't want to rub your nose In it etc

Anyway I spoke with my GP who said she thought I qualified
So I also applied (didn't expect anything,but would be grateful for anything)
I got awarded it too
Told her and said it was such a relief
Her response
"Oh well"

Then I replied saying I was going to use it for some private CBT sessions as the nhs has a long wait.

She didn't respond for a hour then replied
"Sorry was busy sorting out my meds,people with really anxiety issues have to go through a lot"

She knows how bad my anxiety is and how I'm affected ..I felt like she was throwing shade.
I said I was going to try and go to our local Christmas markets if she wanted to come
Her response
"I can't say yes to that today as I don't know how I will feel..the perils of real anxiety"

Aibu or is she trying to throw digs at me here ?

Have I done something wrong ?

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 11/12/2021 14:10

I'm sorry. I don't understand what digs you think she is trying to throw at you.

StampOnTheGround · 11/12/2021 14:13

She sounds toxic

emptyempire · 11/12/2021 14:13

Yes, she's clearly implying your anxiety isn't real and hers is. I can't see how else those comments could be interpreted. I would step away from the friendship...well away!

Sparklfairy · 11/12/2021 14:14

@Anonymous48

I'm sorry. I don't understand what digs you think she is trying to throw at you.
Wow, your friend found your thread quick OP!

Yes, the "real" anxiety is definitely saying hers is worse than yours. She isn't a friend really unless she's the centre of attention and she's annoyed you're stealing her thunder, in her eyes.

Asiama · 11/12/2021 14:15

@emptyempire I agree. It also sounds like she's jealous that you are getting money in again. She's no friend!

AiryFairyLights · 11/12/2021 14:15

She’s definitely being bitchy @mrssclauss I’m sorry x She sound jealous and you really don’t need comments like that from a supposed friend x I’d back away and concentrate on yourself and good luck with the CBT xxx

Jumbojem · 11/12/2021 14:16

I'm pleased to hear you've got the pip and you will use it to benefit your health. From what you say it sounds like your friend is weirdly jealous that you have it too, and now she's not so "special". Hard to say what the friendship is like from a snapshot, you can either let this wash over you for now. Or, of this behaviour is impacting on your own well being you'll need to distance yourself from her.

Babyg1995 · 11/12/2021 14:19

Cut her off she sounds horrible .

Overthebow · 11/12/2021 14:24

Yes she’s implying that her anxiety is real and yours isn’t. She’s not a friend.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/12/2021 14:24

"Sorry was busy sorting out my meds,people with really anxiety issues have to go through a lot"

That’s just nasty. Why is she trying to play top trumps?

Doesn’t seem like she cares about you at all OP and you deserve better nicer people in your life.

Stop making any effort with her. It’ll only drain you.

Hope things get easier for you.

OhPeeQueue · 11/12/2021 14:25

Yeah she’s throwing shade. Sad that she’s using PIP payment to get one over you. It’s not something to brag about is it? I can’t imagine what kind of situations people must be to get disability benefits, and I’m sure a majority of people would take good health over PIP payment.

Ditch her.

shouldistop · 11/12/2021 14:28

She's not your friend. Don't bother contacting her again.
Your anxiety is clearly real, they don't hand pip for nothing. It's very hard to get, especially for hidden disabilities like mental illness.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 11/12/2021 14:30

Shes a frenemy. Distance yourself from her and concentrate on your cbt. Btw sounds like an excellent plan.

PeskyYeti · 11/12/2021 14:32

Wow she sounds horrible, find yourself new supportive friends and distance from this one.

Negligee · 11/12/2021 14:33

Tell her to fuck right off and take her Real Anxiety with her, and find friends who actually like you.

Longingforatikihut · 11/12/2021 14:34

She's trying to make mental health a competition and she's got to have it worse for her own justification.

I had a 'friend' like this. The relief of cutting her loose was infinite.

I hope your CBT helps. X

TheGirlWhoLived · 11/12/2021 14:37

It could be she was putting you in the ‘real anxiety’ club too though. A bit like if I said to another mum “oh I need to do 17 loads of washing! Mum life never ends”

That’s how I read it anyway, but I’m in the minority Grin

Original poster
mrssclauss · 11/12/2021 14:39

Thanks everyone
I wasn't sure if I was being paranoid
I'm a massive overthinker

I thought she was,it's like she wanted me to have nothing.
Even tho I helped her with hers and was genuinely pleased when she got the extra support.
I could say the same for her anxiety but I'm well aware anxiety is different in everyone.

OP posts:
GrannytoaUnicorn · 11/12/2021 14:39

@Anonymous48

I'm sorry. I don't understand what digs you think she is trying to throw at you.
"Those with REAL Anxiety"
GrannytoaUnicorn · 11/12/2021 14:47

@mrssclauss I haven't even RTFT but I already know for a fact that you can do better than this toxic friend. Simply because anybody could! Nobody deserves crap like that

TheRigatonini · 11/12/2021 15:12

She’s a twat. Passive aggressive and undermining you. I would ditch her or at least withdraw somewhat from the friendship.

billy1966 · 11/12/2021 15:12

She sounds like the very last person you should be engaging with right now.

Step away OP, and mind yourself.

She is not your friend.Flowers

NotStayingIn · 11/12/2021 15:31

I'm torn, the first one I think could sound inclusive, as in both you and her know how hard it is people with really anxiety issues have to go through a lot

But then this one I find harder to explain away the perils of real anxiety.

And the fact she adds real in front of anxiety both times does suggest she has issues with people who she perceives as faking their anxiety. So on balance I'm leaning towards thinking she's being a nob.

User42729209 · 11/12/2021 15:39

She sounds toxic and rude

thenewduchessofhastings · 11/12/2021 15:43

Congratulations on being awarded PIP;it's not easy to get and many people have to jump through hoops to get it.

I applaud you for doing something to help yourself and improve your health;CBT does work;someone I'm close to has had it and the difference it's made over the course of time with them implementing what they learnt through CBT has helped them massively;honestly you wouldn't believe they are the same person from where they were at their worse point.

Reading between the lines your friend sounds insecure and jealous;as awful as it sounds some people like to romanticised their illnesses and aren't interested in helping themselves when they are in a position with their illness to get treatment that could benefit them;some people don't want to get better and like the attention it brings.

She sounds threatened by the fact you want to do something that benefits you.

This is a toxic relationship and she wants to use you for her own selfish benefit.It's time to distance yourself from her.

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