Been with DH for 15 years, married for ten. We don't have a perfect marriage, whatever that means, but the key things our marriage is built on are love, support and respect. We respect each other's feelings and opinions, even if we don't agree. He supports me in my work, my social life, my choices (and I in his), and we show each other love - we tell each other we love each other and try and be sensitive to each other's feelings and show kindness when we need it.
We still lose our temper and get grumpy, but we don't say deliberately hurtful things and it usually ends with both of us apologising to each other. Some of his traits I recognize are just part of him, and I let them go (and vice versa), but when I find something genuinely hurtful or upsetting I tell him and he listens, even if he can't fix it.
We make time for each other (not enough), we make an effort for each other (also not enough, life is exhausting) and we we make each other laugh (a lot).
I just went into the kitchen to ask DH and DD where they thought I should hang some Christmas lights and he looked up at me and beamed and said, "you are beautiful. I do love how beautiful you are. So beautiful" and then just carried on the conversation.
No guilt, no emotional blackmail, no malice.