To expect him to tell me a time?

[RainbowBriteUk]

I've started seeing a very nice man. He's lovely. Comes completely free of ties but he's doing my head in!

We live around 70 miles from each other which means we arrange to meet somewhere half way. It's still early days so each others houses isn't an option yet.

Last night we were planning to meet today and I asked him for an idea of where we could meet. He said he wasn't sure so I said I'd leave it with him. He didn't come up with anything so I suggested somewhere and all was well. He drives and I don't so getting anywhere takes me time.

So the place was arranged but not a time. I'm pissed that I have to do everything and as the morning is ticking on and it takes me around 3 hours to get to the meeting place, we don't have a time set and I'm losing my rag! The event we were due to visit finishes at 4.00pm too.

I have said to him a few times that long distance probably isn't a good idea but he always is (gently) insistent that we can make it work. It's expensive and time consuming though, especially without a bloody time!!!

That would do my head in

If you want to keep trying and like him just tell him where and when works for you. He can fit in or not.

Don't get hung up on half way, just suggest a location that is practical for you and in the right direction for him. So if he lives 70miles north then pick a city/town north of you with a direct bus/train. If that means you travelling 20 miles and him 50 so be it. Tell him a time that co-ordinates with your bus/train.

See if this works, he might be indecisive or be one of those people who thinks politeness is letting others choose, or be leaving it in your court so you can work something out that works for your public transport.

If he's a pain even when you are clear about arrangements or if he starts complaining about the travel end it.

And is there a health reason for why you don't drive? If not, you need to learn! Life won't get any easier as a non-driver. Your OP highlights how simply starting to date someone who lives a few miles away from you is a ball-ache (as a non-driver.) It won't get any easier.

Oh come on - a few miles?! It’s 70! Most people who DO drive wouldn’t be happily dating someone who lived that far away. This isn’t an everyday situation that’s become complicated due to the lack of a car.

Plus a couple who are simply shit at it as it doesn't come easy to everyone.

Exactly! Can you imagine failing the test to operate any other piece of machinery multiple times and being not only allowed, but encouraged, to keep on trying?

Youre pursuing drama.

You could have organised a time instead of testing him. Or told him he's too indecisive to date.

If you carry on dating you're pursuing a life of nagging a disorganised man, just cut it off, its supposed to be fun.

He’s lazy and non-committal. And he doesn’t listen to you. Don’t waste a lovely pre-Christmas Saturday as he dithers. Sorry. Take yourself out for lunch/shopping/cinema.

Try ..what time shall me meet up?
Saves all the angst

He's pulling your strings
I wouldn't be wasting my time and energy on someone that couldn't commit to something so simple and expect you to schlep halfway by public transport. 70 miles, to be honest, is nothing if he drives.

I think with long distance you really have to put at lot more effort in to planning to see each other. I think it'll fizzle out for you if it carries on. Maybe time to cut your losses?

Yeah..he sounds "lovely "

Honestly op. If he was actually lovely, you wouldn't have had to start a thread on here

Well it can't work, can it?
It doesn't matter how insistent he is. His words don't match his actions.
I wouldn't be travelling three hours on a bus for a man who can even find a location for a date.

Ditch him

I'd find him not committing to a time rather pathetic and annoying if I drove or lived in the same town as him. But the fact that he knows you've got a long, difficult journey to meet him and he is being vague/non committed makes it a million times worse. He really doesn't sound special or caring enough. Enough is enough.

You could perhaps see if he comes back to you later and just say "it's too late for me to get there now" and see if he steps up to organise more next time if you really think he's worth a chance.

But if he tries to convince you it's really going well I'd point out that it isn't for you, he's simply too flaky.

@RainbowBriteUk

Thanks for your replies.

He is incredibly lovely but when he can't even come up with a location and we've not set a time, it does my head in! Then I will have to sit on a bus for three hours to get there - nah!

As has been said, he is not 'incredibly lovely' at all. And like fuck would I be sitting on a bus for 3 hours to get to any man.

Raise your bar! You deserve better.

Raise your bar if you think someone making such an utter fool out of you is lovely 🙄.

Three hours to meet up with this twat.

You are making an idiot out of yourself being treated like this.

He doesn't get to stop you ending it.

Dump and block if you have ANY self respect.

The joy of non drivers , not great is it, choose someone nearer to home

Have you heard from him?

Indecisive and unorganised = lovely. Really?

So, what happened today, in the end?

Comes completely free of ties but he's doing my head in!

Free of ties, including you. Sorry but this is going nowhere.

@RodneyIsDave

Try ..what time shall me meet up? Saves all the angst

Or better still, "1pm suits me, is that ok with you?"

The non-driver should really specify times as they are dependent upon public transport which might be infrequent. It would be thoughtless of the driver to specify the time.

[quote RainbowBriteUk]@littledandelionclock when I try to 'end' things he's very insistent things can work out. He texts me loads and is attentive over text but i'm not feeling his indecisiveness at all![/quote]
I think people spend far too much time texting these days. It’s a really lazy way to stay in your head, then when it comes to actually making an effort to meet up they’re not so attentive after all.
If someone really wants to see you and pursue a relationship with you it’s clear. And no way would I bother with a bloke who’d expect me to sit on a bus for 3 hrs to meet up.

I think it makes more sense for you to choose venues and times as the person reliant on public transport. He's not to know how easy or difficult it is to get to places from where you are or what time the buses or trains run.

Why are you allowing him to control things like this- with the dumping and the travelling?

Since you don't drive I would suggest you meet nearer your area. Especially in this bad weather. And you suggest a time and place.

I think you could have suggested a time as easily as he could have. I don’t understand why two people would agree a location but not a time to meet up, it would take an extra three seconds. Totally bizarre behaviours from both and more fool you for guessing and turning up at a random time hoping for the best.

Anyway the distance does sound too much, particularly with a non driver. But you are just as at fault for not sorting timings out.