To think he shouldn’t sort of make her feel guilty for not hugging him?

[HibernatinguntilApril]

Dp adores Dd, 3, is a great dad, but be annoys me with this thing he does asking Dd for a hug (mainly before bed or going to work) then if she says no or doesn’t bother to he acts all upset and says ‘Aww’ and acts upset, then she hugs him. It sounds like a silly thing and she really loves hugging him, I just don’t like it, for her to feel if someone looks upset she’s upset them by not hugging them/showing affection, does that make sense? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Alltheblue Yes exactly, and we are all so tactile, Dd included, we get a lot of hugs, so it really shouldn’t bother him

Adding my voice to the WTAF @Austen33

My parents used to do this with DD and they do it with my niece still now. Pulling sad faces and talking in whiny voices. Even if you don't buy the "teaching consent" argument, it's really fucking annoying.
DD was never a physically demonstrative child and isn't an overly huggy adult now. She did have a special two-handed wave she used to say goodbye that she reserved for older family members, so she wasn't being capricious or manipulative.

I hated enforced kisses and hugs with people like my lechy step-grandad and I was never very good at finding their stupid Funny Uncle jokes amusing either. I remember being accused of being rude and snooty because I didn't laugh at someone suggesting I wanted "my two front teeth" for Christmas. I knew that you didn't get teeth for Christmas, we'd drawn diagrams of teeth at school and that song is still stupid.

@pigsDOfly Eurgh, I wouldn’t like that either! They’re just so little, all this I won’t do this until you..it seems so disrespectful to them, they’re people in their own right. I think I would’ve found it hard not to say ‘it’s ok, she doesn’t have to’ and sort of scoop her away.
That’s what I love about my parents, we live abroad so can go months without seeing them, Dd adores them, but they’re always so careful to take it gently with her at first and not overwhelm her, she always ends up coming to them just naturally and gives lots of goodnight hugs and kisses, because she wants to of her own accord, and they love it obviously.

@TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain I don’t see how a little one can be being manipulative

@HibernatinguntilApril that other poster suggested they were!

@Austen33

How very sad that a 3 year old does not want to be hugged good night and her father has to ask permission to hug his daughter. It should just happen. Is her father allowed to bath her or does he have to ask permission for that too? Consent is very important but so is being warm hearted and affectionate. Are you sure you are not just raising a rather self-centered little lady who is learning to be capricious and who sometimes takes pleasure in upsetting the people who love her?

She’s THREE YEARS OLD. Are you on here just to cause conflict and upset the OP?

@TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain I know, horrible thing to think!

HibernatinguntilApril

I think it's very important to let children decide these thing for themselves.

My mother, who lived further away, always held back from asking for hugs and kisses when she did see the children and funnily enough the children would always want to give her hugs and kisses.

She was a firm believer that children might not want to kiss old people - both she and my in laws were pretty old when my children were born - so would let the children come to her.

I love this Lunarbaboon comic, it really should be this simple.

@trulyconfuseddotcom ?

Also this piece of writing by Lisa Norgren is so powerful, about a 3-year-old girl and consent: https://motherwellmag.com/2018/11/21/fighting-the-patriarchy-one-grandpa-at-a-time

YANBU

Of course there is no malice in it, but the message of 'do something a man wants you to do, that you're not comfortable with, so his feelings don't get hurt' is a real issue, and engrained for many people, and it starts somewhere. How would your husband feel if she learnt to put other peoples feelings above her own, when she is a teenager and getting the 'I'll be so upset if you don't sleep with me because I'll feel like you don't love me' shit from a boy?

I used to be forced to kiss my uncles as a child and I found it totally embarrassing and humiliating. There would be a huge scene every time one of them left the house.
I think forced physical affection is really wrong.

@Austen33

How very sad that a 3 year old does not want to be hugged good night and her father has to ask permission to hug his daughter. It should just happen. Is her father allowed to bath her or does he have to ask permission for that too? Consent is very important but so is being warm hearted and affectionate. Are you sure you are not just raising a rather self-centered little lady who is learning to be capricious and who sometimes takes pleasure in upsetting the people who love her?

What a load of gobshite.

@trulyconfuseddotcom

Great posts👏