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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shit presents from MIL

58 replies

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 10/12/2021 16:11

So my husband has been NC with his mother for well over a year now, for good reasons that I won't go into. But she insists on sending the whole family shit presents which no one likes for birthdays and Christmas. As an example, my present last year was a jumper which was two sizes two big which was so frumpy that my own mother wouldn't wear it. For my birthday I got some cheap, disgusting perfume which gives me a headache. She has a knack for deciding on very personal gifts that really only the recipient can choose. Today another parcel of complete tat from TK Max has arrived and it's all shite. He has politely asked her to stop sending us presents but still they arrive. She will usually text me and ask if my present arrived and if I like it. I usually lie so as not to hurt her feelings. But I'm thinking she needs to stop wasting her money. WIBU to tell her the truth when she texts me about this latest gift?

OP posts:
MatildaIThink · 10/12/2021 23:49

My mother in law (future at that point), gave me a bible on my second Christmas with my now husband, I am a total atheist and work in medical research, she knew that. The same Christmas my future father in law got me and my husband a pair of tickets to The Rolling Stones and put them in the copy of the vinyl sleeve for Sympathy for the Devil which was both a brilliant present and quite funny.

NowEvenBetter · 11/12/2021 00:06

@stalkersaga

"It feels rude"?! You're NC with her! You're way, way past rude! She's dead to you!

Why on earth would you have any contact with her when your DH doesn't? When a parent is bad enough to be cut off completely by their child, their spouse's job is to support them in that. Not completely undermine them by having contact and making nice with her.

Put the parcels straight in the bin unopened, take them to the charity shop, or return them to sender. They aren't your problem.

THIS.
Anordinarymum · 11/12/2021 00:08

Do the presents really matter OP?
My partner's daughter gave me a sock with hotel toiletries in it including shave gel.
It went to charity. i don't give a shit and it amused my children no end.

repottingthescabious · 11/12/2021 00:33

@chocolatesaltyballs22

So my husband has been NC with his mother for well over a year now, for good reasons that I won't go into. But she insists on sending the whole family shit presents which no one likes for birthdays and Christmas. As an example, my present last year was a jumper which was two sizes two big which was so frumpy that my own mother wouldn't wear it. For my birthday I got some cheap, disgusting perfume which gives me a headache. She has a knack for deciding on very personal gifts that really only the recipient can choose. Today another parcel of complete tat from TK Max has arrived and it's all shite. He has politely asked her to stop sending us presents but still they arrive. She will usually text me and ask if my present arrived and if I like it. I usually lie so as not to hurt her feelings. But I'm thinking she needs to stop wasting her money. WIBU to tell her the truth when she texts me about this latest gift?
I had this conversation last Christmas - awkward but relieving as I couldn't lie to the sender and didn't want to hurt their feelings (that is how I started the conversation) to politely decline a gift that was actually a hazard.

It had even been flagged up in Which? magazine it was that dangerous!!

It was an awkward 10mins but it was honest and kind and i really but felt it would be kinder to be honest to them to save their money and dangerous data protection risk and that I didn't want to lie to the sender.

I returned the gift and gave them the Which? article to help them as i was sure it was a fraud scam of which they had been victims.

It was a massive relief. Friends were lovely about it.

I recommend OP that you are honest.

As you are NC anyway you do not have anything to lose. It may well be everything to gain. At least you can say you were truthful.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 11/12/2021 02:09

Stop being so "nice" and ignore her

Fizzorgin · 11/12/2021 04:51

Just send the buggery things back to her! If your DH (whose family it 'actually' is) is NC then why are you even available to her? It's his choice and his decision and you should be backing him to the hilt. Either refuse to accept delivery or return to sender. Surely it's a no brainer? Hmm

Fizzorgin · 11/12/2021 04:52

And then block her from being able to contact you given she's using you simply as a conduit

PanettoneSeason · 11/12/2021 05:07

@chocolatesaltyballs22 I’m NC with my brother and would be really upset if I found out that my DH was still communicating with him! Please support your DH!
As for the gifts, surely you just don’t accept the parcel when it arrives or you send it back to her.
I get how annoying it can be to receive gifts that are just clutter and are useless to you. My MIL does all the gift buying but she just picks up random items that she likes from TK Maxx through the year and adds them to her gift cupboard then she chooses something from there for each person. So far over the years my gifts have included pyjamas (size S/M - I’m a size 18/20 🙈), a large golf umbrella in a lovely shade of poo brown, a pair of bamboo salad fork things, a pack of plain dish towels and a jewellery making set for children. If it’s not something I can use, I just give it away.

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