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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL

56 replies

mumof2littlemonkeysx · 10/12/2021 12:51

Hello just looking for some advice please, we decided to tell my mother in law I was pregnant when I was 13 weeks, I originally didn't want to tell anyone ; my family included I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancy without being treated differently if that makes sense, I'm a very private person and so is my partner but he wanted to tell him mum and dad and I couldn't deny him of that as it's his pregnancy too. My MIL was told that we didn't know when we were sharing the news to my family and that if she could keep it to herself until we tell her other wise from the moment she found out she would ask us every time she saw us if she could tell her sister and friends and we said we completely understand you are excited but please do not tell anyone until I let my own mother and father know, she agreed, but she still continued to ask. Fast forward to my sons birthday she phoned my partner to ask if she could tell his brother as he was at her house and he said " no mum, we have already explained this to you please respect our decision" anyways we went to her house so my little boy could get his birthday gifts and as we were leaving the house she said " tell your bother while he's here" bare in mind his bother heard this and called his mum to ask what it was about and she told him I was pregnant! I feel incredibly angry with her and upset I can't face her😞

OP posts:
Elisemum · 10/12/2021 15:08

@Kite22 are you saying that as a grown adult woman you wouldn’t keep a secret for your own daughter? Are you for real?

Kite22 · 10/12/2021 15:13

No, I'm not saying that, but I am saying I'd rather not be put in the position where I have to, when there is no need for me to be in that position.

Elisemum · 10/12/2021 15:14

@Kite22 would you rather not feel privileged that your daughter in law and son trusted you enough to tell you their amazing news? Would you not be happy for them and happy to keep their secret for them instead of not knowing at all?

AbsolutelyFuckinFabulousDarlin · 10/12/2021 15:45

I wouldn't tell her anything again. You made your feelings clear for whatever reasons
I don't care how excited she was, it's not for her to back you into a corner like that

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/12/2021 15:57

unfair to tell her such exciting news but then to ask her not to tell anyone else for another 7 weeks
Why? She's a grown up not a child, there were very good reasons why OP didn't want everyone to know but MIL wouldn't accept that even though she promised that she would, MIL's wishes trumped the pregnant woman's. That's not acceptable.

OP you knew how MIL would react but your DH persuaded you to confide in her anyway. I hope you have a discussion with him about that. You know now that she doesn't keep her promises.
YOu seem to be apologising and taking the blame for some of this but you have done nothing wrong. Best wishes for your scan and congratulations on your pregnancy.

GrannytoaUnicorn · 10/12/2021 23:33

[quote AwaAnBileYerHeid]@GrannytoaUnicorn you don't understand why it was top secret? I take it you've never has a miscarriage or issues with a pregnancy. Even if you've not, you can surely understand why some people have reasons for wanting to keep it quiet until they know everything is ok, no?[/quote]
Not from your own mother/father, no. Which OP has not stated she has any kind of toxic relationship with or that she doesn't have parents.

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