Aibu to feel like I'm losing the will to live with my 3 week old fussy baby?

[Bananapancakes6]

Ds2 is 3weeks old. He sleeps or he cries, there is no awake periods where he seems happy or curious. I am dirty and worn out and I have no time to look after myself.

He fusses over his feeds for 1hour and he wants feeding every 2h. I am bottle feeding him cow&gate but he chokes and spits it out while feeding constantly. I am only using a size 0 mam teat. He alternates between diaherrea and constipation, he has mucus in his poo and he farts constantly and seems in pain. He's also had a cold for 2.5 weeks now and it's always congested. He writhes around when I'm trying to wind him and cries for more food.

I've just put him in his Moses basket and walked away because he hasn't settled since 7pm yesterday.

What the fuck do I do?!

Some good advice here... I thought my son was intolerant. But I changed to aptimil formula which suited him better.

My son was formula fed but made him a very sucky baby.. so in between feeds I tried with a dummy to help calm and longer between feeds.
He was so colicky due to me feeding him too much and not enough time between feeds.

Thanks so much for all the advice so far, really appreciated.

One thing I forgot to note is that he seems better on the premixed formula for some reason, still cries and makes a fuss but not as much as regular powder formula. Is this something to do with the way it is made, does anyone know?

I'm off to big boots in a moment to have a look.

You're doing great OP, it sounds incredibly challenging and you're doing everything right.

Hang in there x

@Bananapancakes6

I took him to the doctor on Monday, doctor just said he was very little and probably just adjusting to digesting food. I asked about cmpa then and she said unlikely as he doesn't have a rash (altho he has developed a few spots on his face since) and that mucus poo was because he had a cold, other symptoms were colic. She has given us gaviscon in case he has reflux. He's been having the gaviscon since yesterday and he's puking a fair bit.

How do I get the gp to consider it could be cmpa?

Just try him on nannycare etc then see how he reacts then go from there. If it improves things then you know its probably CMPA and can speak to the gp further.r

@ponkydonkey

Some good advice here... I thought my son was intolerant. But I changed to aptimil formula which suited him better.

My son was formula fed but made him a very sucky baby.. so in between feeds I tried with a dummy to help calm and longer between feeds.
He was so colicky due to me feeding him too much and not enough time between feeds.

Exactly the same here. We started on cow and gate as thats all we could get when my daughter was born on Bank Holiday Sunday. We then switched to aptamil which was a million times better. In this case due to the mucasy poo I'd try and switch away from cows milk.

@ChangeChingyChange off to get some nannycare. Thanks for your help.

[quote Bananapancakes6]@MinuteToFive I wondered about trying comfort milk but I don't want to chop and change him too much. Hard to know what to try next.

I did call HV before I went to gp and she was massively unhelpful. Just said he was very little, babies cry etc etc[/quote]
My son has been on comfort milk, cow and gate one since he was about 2 months old due to the same symptoms. It took about a week to see a real improvement but we definitely did. He may be okay on normal formula now but I'm just keeping him on it until he goes on the follow on stuff at 1. I'd honestly give it a go x

I had one of those babies unfortunately OP.

You need to keep going back to the GP and do not let them for you off.

It took us four months to get something useful for our DS and he wasn't properly diagnosed with CMPA until he was 3YO when it was picked up on because he has asthma.

100% CMPA. They don't want to diagnose it as it's expensive to the NHS. There's been a recent 'research article' no doubt funded by formula companies saying its over diagnosed which is uttered bollocks, babies either have it or they're don't!!! If symptoms improve with the prescription milk that's not s fucking coincidence!

Hi op sorry you're struggling

I also changed from Cow and Gate to Aptamil (i use the cheap Aldi version to save money). As advised by the doctor, it made a big difference!

Do you have support? MIL used to come by in the early days when DH returned to work. Can you get someone to take over whilst you wash/sleep?

It does get easier promise! DD now sleeps through the night and is generally happier.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Go back to the GP and don't be fobbed off, go back as many times as you need. Also, if you need to leave him crying for 5 minutes whilst you have a shower, then do, it won't do any harm. You're no use to anyone if you don't look after yourself

Thanks everyone you've all been really kind.

I have noticed today that DS now had welt like soreness in his nappy area too, which is crazy as we change him with every feed and apply bepanthen. I have taken photos of this along with the spots on his face. I also have a video we took of the fussy feeding saved. Now going to get some goat milk and see if there is a difference. I'm compiling my evidence 😂

Cmpa is also linked to soy and egg allergies- just so you know as gp often prescribe soy formula instead

sounds like my son who had trouble digesting dairy and was solved instantly by going on nutramigen. also try a cranial oesto who specialise in babies as the birth process can put pressure on the nerves going through neck to stomach

My DC had awful nappy rash as well until we changed formula. We had to use hydrocortisone cream in the end to get on top of it, nothing else worked.

When you lift up his legs and look at this anus area - does the skin around his anus sort of flare open? can be sign of allergy (as told to me by great portland dr who said the skin cells around the anus remember allergy and tend to do this. I have twins and he showed me how it happened to one child when he lifted that child's legs and not the other.

I had a DD who was similar OP, breastfed however. She fed every 60 minutes up until 4 weeks old, then she fed every 90 minutes until 3 months old then every 2 hours until 5 months. No word of a lie.

She was always gassy, cried in pain every evening from 5-9pm like clockwork, writhing and arching and screaming poor thing. - up until around 4 months or so.

As soon as we started weaning at 6m we found out she has numerous food allergies and me eating those foods was probably causing her a lot of upset in her earlier days poor baby.

If you are worried, definitely get in contact with GP for allergy referral, midwife, infant feeding team, health visitor whoever you can. Do not let them fob you off.

Also, well done on putting baby somewhere safe while you gather your thoughts and feelings. It's not easy.

Also it took much harassment of GP along with pictures to get her tested for all the things she needs. I have had so many tests as she has so many strange allergies which no one believes until they test her and see the result!

Her allergy responses are mucus poo, itching as she got older and more mobile, hives and welts, vomiting ,

Hello 👋
Can I just start by saying you're doing and amazing job. It's literally torture when they're like this.
I would contact your local infant feeding team. The health visitor should have details. Ask them to check for tongue tie or put you in touch with the hospital. Posterior tongue tie can be hard to see. My daughters was only picked up when she was around 5 weeks old by a very observant midwife. Her symptoms were exactly the same as your baby's.

My baby with CMPA was like this, and didn't develop the rash until she was about 5 weeks - we switched her to Nutramigen, and she settled within a week or so, but the improvement was immediately obvious, and she stopped spitting up whole bottles.

The dietician did say that if its CMPA, she would probably react to all animal milks, so the goats milk may not solve the issue! Hopefully your GP will take you more seriously, its horrible to feel the baby is in pain and you're on your own with it xx

My DS2 was like the the only difference was he was Breastfeed, he was such a terror, he grew out of it in the end, we tried everything, repeated trips to GP, cranial osteopathic treatment nothing helped unfortunately.

MIL was an absolute angel and helped us so much. Have you any support in RL? Tell people how you are feeling and accept help.

But you did exactly the right thing, to put baby down safely and walk away.

It is so frustrating, worrying, & exhausting when you have unsettled baby. It was an eye opener for me, DS1 was so contented.

But it won’t be forever. Good luck OP.

@Bananapancakes6

Thanks so much for all the advice so far, really appreciated.

One thing I forgot to note is that he seems better on the premixed formula for some reason, still cries and makes a fuss but not as much as regular powder formula. Is this something to do with the way it is made, does anyone know?

I'm off to big boots in a moment to have a look.

Bubbles! When you make a powder feed up quite a bit of air gets in. So maybe it is as simple as wind.

My first baby had evening colic. 4 hours of screaming every night. At the risk of giving more advice - this is what we did. Also my son was born using ventouse so we also think that affected his first few weeks:

1. changed bottles - we went from tommee tippee to mam. I notice you are on size 0 - I have always started on size 1. If it's too hard baby gets fed up and frustrated

2. changed formula - we went from aptimil to sma to hipp before we found one that suited his tummy

3. infacol for wind. My newborn would not bring up wind no matter what I did. My second baby winded easily so sometimes they just don't wind. Infacol releases wind through their bottom

4. cranial osteopath - again linked to his rough birth incase their was spine/neck issues

Lastly Dummy - if you haven't tried do. I know people dislike for the pain for removing them. It's a few hard days when they are older vs months of relief for them when they are tiny.

I think potential allergies etc have already been covered but one thing I would recommend is keeping a diary.
Just little notes but how long he cried, how many poos, how many times he spits up substantially.
My child wasn't feeding and cried quite literally any time he was attached to me.
I found writing it down made it much harder for them to say 'oh babies cry'...yeah but not 23 hours a day... that's not normal.
Good luck. Trust your own instincts

Try a different formula, to be blunt cow and gate has lots of cheap ingredients/fillers which could be causing issues. Kendamil is really good and made with no palm oil (causes constipation) full cream milk to make up the fat ratio (cow and gate don’t use that they add fat oils instead) and no fish oils which can make the formula less appealing and a fishy taste for children.

I've got the nannycare, going to give it a good go and see how we get on.

One bottle so far and a fair bit thrown back up, he did drain the bottle without fuss however.