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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed about school lunch?

95 replies

Kara198 · 09/12/2021 21:52

I've always encouraged my boys to try new food and been pretty relaxed about it. They're both really good eaters and they know if they try something they really don't like I will let them have something else, even if just toast. It's rare that they don't like stuff.
Today my 5yo came home starving. It turns out he asked for a new chicken dish at lunch and he didn't like it. He asked if he could switch to meatballs and they said no.
So he got literally no food, he said they wouldn't let him have dessert.
I'm pretty annoyed as the first thing he said was "I wish I just chose the meatballs as I know I like those".
Is this standard practice in schools to not let them choose something else if they don't like their food? It may well be. Just seems a bit shitty! 😞
Don't want to raise it if this is the norm.
Thanks

OP posts:
Missey85 · 10/12/2021 08:37

Its school not a restaurant you don't get a second meal because you didn't like the first!

WalkingOnTheCracks · 10/12/2021 09:03

He can't have been that hungry, or he would have eaten the chicken he asked for.

This is one of those things adults say that is intended to shut down a conversation, but actually means nothing at all.

The rational answer is, “No - I was hungry but not so hungry that I’d eat something I didn’t like. This is a perfectly valid choice. Of course thar means that now I am hungrier than I would usually be at this time of day, which is why I’m mentioning it. As the adult who cares for me, you can either spout empty homilies, or give me a bit of bread and cheese. Thank you.”

Don't be one of those parents.

Quite.

Lavender24 · 10/12/2021 09:08

I can see why they wouldn't let him swap his main meal but I think they were very unreasonable to not let him have dessert.

Inertia · 10/12/2021 09:21

I think many parents are very naïve about how little slack there is in all school systems, after a decade of budget cuts. Whether the school lunches are managed internally or by an external provider, the budgets are so tight that there are no extra main meals for swaps. In most schools the meals are pre-ordered, and exactly the right number cooked.

Your child should have been able to eat whatever vegetables/ salad were provided though, and I'm sure the school could have rustled up some bread.

cookiemonster2468 · 10/12/2021 09:24

I can see where you're coming from and it's a shame if it makes your child more reluctant to try new food. It probably won't have any lasting impact though.

Agree with those saying that schools are on tight budgets and there might not be enough to swap a whole meal, plus if they do this for one child then they have to do it for everyone and that could be a lot of food waste.

You'd think they would have something on standby for fussy eaters though and not to just let him go hungry. I might be tempted to complain about that, especially that they didn't give him the dessert you paid for. That's really not on.

Nextstationpaddington · 10/12/2021 09:24

There are usually sides with every lunch. Didn’t he get any sides which he could have eaten?
It’s the same as going to toilet or having a drink between lessons. Imagine if all 30 kids starts doing that. It’s a good lesson for your son to learn that he needs to eat what he’s given at school as swaps aren’t allowed. Aren’t you choosing his meals in advance for him?.

cookiemonster2468 · 10/12/2021 09:26

@Bluntness100

Clearly no, I didn't think that he would be offered 2 or 3 meals. I did think they would offer him something though

That makes no sense. You literally started a thread saying you think he should have been offered something else if he didn’t like his chosen main, if that’s not a second meal what is. It’s not his home, he doesn’t get to sample meals till he finds one he likes.

Some bread or a spare cold snack of some kind? There will have been something knocking around that he could have had, and a fussy child isn't exactly a new problem - they should have some solution for this other than letting kids go hungry.
Nextstationpaddington · 10/12/2021 09:26

Re the dessert thing, when my son was in reception, they had to have some of their main meal before getting dessert. Miss said if some kids stop eating the main meals and start on dessert then all kids will follow

Arewenearly · 10/12/2021 09:30

[quote Kara198]@Ifonlyidknownthen that's lovely to hear Smile and how I imagined it would/should be.
Maybe I've just overthought this it just made me feel sad for him.
Will tell him to just stick to what he knows at school in the future to avoid the issue. Sounds like IABU so i wont raise it with the school.[/quote]
I think you're getting a really hard time and it's obvious this is your first child. I made my eldest packed lunches as I was so worried he would pick something and not like it 🤣 my youngest just had to take her chances with school lunches. He'll be fine sticking to what he knows in future. Is there no option to look online at the menu?

Rainallnight · 10/12/2021 09:32

In our school, there’s always bread and salad on offer no matter what you’re having, and fruit afterwards. DD sometimes comes home and says she didn’t eat the lunch but had bread, salad and fruit, which I’m relaxed about.

stingofthebutterfly · 10/12/2021 10:10

Can't you preorder online for little ones, so you can choose something you know he likes? Most schools have that system. Of course he wouldn't get two meals but there's usually plenty of bread and salad/veg, and in our school he wouldn't be denied pudding. No child should be hungry, even if they don't like the main course.

Plumbear2 · 10/12/2021 11:11

If your child was allowed a second dinner when they changed their mind this would leave those futher down the queue with no dinner. Often kids at the end don't get a choice because all the favourites have gone. Of course they carnt get a second choice if they change their mind, yours is not the only kid.

ThePlantsitter · 10/12/2021 11:19

Schools have to deal with grumpy starving 5 year olds if they don't let them eat pudding without having eaten the main first, so in my experience they absolutely do and that's why pudding is often stodgy and filling!

I'd be contacting school to clear it up but also not making too much of a fuss as DS will pick up on it and then it'll become a whole issue (and you might find yourself having to make the dreaded packed lunch). I don't think you should worry about being 'that parent' though, who gives a shit if you are? They still have to teach your kid properly.

Beautiful3 · 10/12/2021 11:50

This user to happen all of the time at my child school. In the end they stopped it because too many children wanting to swap dinners. The school only orders enough food for the numbers. They can't keep swapping dinners. I used to tell mine to choose something they knew they liked. They should have allowed him dessert though, that was mean of them. I'd have a word with school about that, as you pay for his dinners.

MinnieMountain · 10/12/2021 12:34

@Offmyfence they have to have tried it, not finished. But I suppose that leaves some leeway with the individual person to decide what is “enough”.

I’m not saying it’s right, just that it definitely happens.

Maybe it’s easier at a smaller school where all lunches are free but ours didn’t make parents pre-order, just stick to either school meals or packed lunch for the whole week.

Nextstationpaddington · 10/12/2021 12:34

If it's a state school in England, aren't 5 years olds lunch free?

Dixiechickonhols · 10/12/2021 12:40

I’d check with office. There should be a menu. Some have salad bars with bread too. I know they can’t give him another meal but there should have been bits and his pudding. Confirm you are happy for him to have anything for lunch eg you don’t mind if he just eats the pudding.

Bookworm20 · 10/12/2021 13:21

It never occurred to me to even think twice when DS (6) has come home and said he didn't like his lunch. I'd just ask him what it was and say to him you'll have to choose a different option next time they are serving that.

But then I wouldn't offer different food at home if he didn't like his dinner. How are kids supposed to learn to like new foods if they are not exposed to them properly? I always make sure there is something on his plate he will eat, and like his older siblings they all eat pretty much most foods now. Some they like more than others though. But I sure as hell are not making toast afterwards just because he decides he doesn't want to eat broccoli today.

Perhaps by doing it at home your DC thinks its normal to ask for food and then decide doesn't like it and expect to be given something else. Is that why he got upset? I can see how he would be if this was the expectation he had been set.

If he's a good eater though, I can't imagine there was nothing on the plate he would eat?

HandlebarLadyTash · 10/12/2021 13:23

A tired hungry kid in class dosent seen much fun for the teacher. He tried it didnt like it & should have been allowed the dessert.

Original poster
Kara198 · 10/12/2021 22:00

@Bluntness100

Clearly no, I didn't think that he would be offered 2 or 3 meals. I did think they would offer him something though

That makes no sense. You literally started a thread saying you think he should have been offered something else if he didn’t like his chosen main, if that’s not a second meal what is. It’s not his home, he doesn’t get to sample meals till he finds one he likes.

I wouldnt class a piece of toast as a meal. You clearly do
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