Aibu to be annoyed about school lunch?

[Kara198]

I've always encouraged my boys to try new food and been pretty relaxed about it. They're both really good eaters and they know if they try something they really don't like I will let them have something else, even if just toast. It's rare that they don't like stuff.
Today my 5yo came home starving. It turns out he asked for a new chicken dish at lunch and he didn't like it. He asked if he could switch to meatballs and they said no.
So he got literally no food, he said they wouldn't let him have dessert.
I'm pretty annoyed as the first thing he said was "I wish I just chose the meatballs as I know I like those".
Is this standard practice in schools to not let them choose something else if they don't like their food? It may well be. Just seems a bit shitty! 😞
Don't want to raise it if this is the norm.
Thanks

I think you’re getting a hard time here. At my DDs school they would let her pick an alternative. She is very similar to what you have described, will try and like most things. She tried macaroni cheese for the first time at school 2 weeks ago and didn’t like it, so they allowed her a jacket pot and cheese instead.

It’s coming.

Wouldn't of been allowed to swap at our school as meals are ordered in morning and they cook an exact amount. He'd of been allowed to have bread/ salad and pudding after they'd gently encouraged him to have a go.

I'm a teacher and honestly the stress I get over school dinners is ridiculous!!!

I've offered a sandwich alternative for one who actually was eating the dinners but the parent wanted her to have sandwiches as her best friend did and apparently child was complaining.. so sorted cheese sandwiches after asking her what she wanted.. mam
Has now complained she's getting a cheese sandwich and no variety.. ffs! Give her school dinners then as lots of variety!!!

There would be no food left if loads of kids did this. They cook the amount ( ish ) ordered. He won't starve because he didn't like his chicken.

I still can't see why they would let him have some bread and agree that no pudding seems old fashioned and a bit tight.

Why would the kitchen have loaves of bread lying about ?
It isn't a domestic kitchen with stuff in for breakfast, dinner and tea like at home - they are on tight budgets and strict controls about the balance of foods they serve, they don't 'keep stuff in' on the off chance someone might fancy a sandwich at some point.
Many schools literally don't even have the meals cooked on the premises - the meals are delivered ready - but even if they do, it isn't a kitchen like at home.

I too would be surprised he wasn't allowed pudding. All schools I've worked in over the last 20+ years have had the trays where you collect your dinner and pudding at the same time, so it would be in front of him anyway.

Can I just add, that if you are paying for school lunches then surely the children should be given all parts of the lunch, including dessert.

If all of the meals are already allocated, dessert included, then what happens to the child's dessert?
Meals, including desserts, are different each day at my children's school so the school don't have it available the next again day.

I was a school cook for a few years, and would cook almost exact portions - give or take a couple, to allow for droppages. Fish, sausages etc would be counted, and audited at the end of each half term.
With curry/pasta/mince type dishes, there would always be a bit extra - as obviously it was better to over rather than under cater. Portions were supposed to be the same for each child, but I thought that was a ridiculous rule, so I differentiated. It would be senseless to serve the same to a tiny 4yo as a huge strapping 11yo.

I worked in a small village school, so I got to know the children individually, and their likes and dislikes. I encouraged veg eating - but, if I knew someone genuinely hated sweetcorn, for example, then I'd leave it off their plate. There would be a child further back in the queue who loved it, so they could have double.

Op, the situation with your DS is tricky. On the one hand, I couldn't have given him nothing - particularly knowing he was generally a good eater, and had tried one option and not liked it. I find it almost impossible to believe that the cook couldn't have spared a little bowl of pasta and sauce, with even one meatball. It's not much, but enough to tide a little 5yo over til hometime.
On the other hand, the cook can't be seen to be doing this for one child, because I can assure you, it would lead to anarchy in the dining hall! If the others get a whiff of someone else being allowed a second option, the floodgates would open - and that's not even starting on the parents collaring the teachers asking why their DC wasn't allowed to change their mind, when someone else's DC was allowed to last week.

Had it been me, I would have swapped his meal, and tried to do it discreetly with a minimum of fuss. I don't think you can raise this with the school though, because the official position will always be that meals can't be swapped.

As for pudding, I would give that regardless of what's been eaten at the main course. I don't believe the two should be linked. Also, nobody's got the time to be policing each child and whether they've eaten enough to merit getting a pudding.

Happy memories of being a school cook, I loved it

Having worked in schools and nurseries, if this was allowed it would waste so much food because every child would do it. Oh I chose chicken but I want meatballs like Amelia, I’ve had meatballs but I don’t like the sauce etc.

Surely he could still have eaten whatever came with the chicken - it wouldn’t have been chicken alone?

Yabu about being able to change his main meal but he should have at least been allowed his dessert.

It’s odd he didn’t get dessert or fruit but fairly standard that an alternative main wasn’t offered. My class are upper primary and when the lower school children don’t like something or decide to change what they want after ordering something different in the morning, the kids in my class have to go without a hot meal end up with a dry cheese sandwich. I’ve then got to deal with complaints from parents who ordered and paid for a hot meal when their child got a random cobbled together sandwich and nothing to go with it.

I don’t think many schools would say no pudding to a 5 year old… are you sure he’s being completely honest? My son had to be patted down on the way out reception due to sneaking toys out so I have a natural aversion to believing children!

Trying out new meals with your child is the job of the parent, not of the school. It's wise to teach your child to order what they know they like, and let them try new meals at home. The school doesn't have enough food or time to allow children to experiment with new meals and/or be picky about food and allowed replacements on their time.

Normal for them not to be allowed to swap. Some days my 6 year old says he didn’t like either option so ‘pretended’ to eat the jacket potato then had pudding. I don’t think they withhold pudding at his school though. They also have fruit as a mid morning snack.

I'm more surprised that everyone seems to get a pudding! What is the pudding, a cake or custard or something?

Clearly no, I didn't think that he would be offered 2 or 3 meals. I did think they would offer him something though

That makes no sense. You literally started a thread saying you think he should have been offered something else if he didn’t like his chosen main, if that’s not a second meal what is. It’s not his home, he doesn’t get to sample meals till he finds one he likes.

I'd definitely check about the no pudding. I would be very surprised if he was refused. Even those who don't eat a mouthful of dinner are given their pudding, as it makes up part of the nutrients required for that meal.

There should be a degree of flexibility, particularly in very young children who are normally not fussy.

In my kids school he'd have been given a spare grab bag (sandwich, crudités, fruit, pudding) or some cheese and crackers as they always have a few spare meals knocking about.

I’ve had lunch at an infant only school as I’m a governor at one.

The children have to ask the supervisor if they can move onto pudding. So it’s plausible that OP’s DC was told they hadn’t eaten enough of their main to have pudding.

@MinnieMountain

I’ve had lunch at an infant only school as I’m a governor at one.

The children have to ask the supervisor if they can move onto pudding. So it’s plausible that OP’s DC was told they hadn’t eaten enough of their main to have pudding.

But if they don't like the main, why would they eat it?

I'd honestly thought this type of "forcing" them to eat what the don't line had ended.

Obviously, if they constantly refuse the main, then it needs a conversation.

It’s commonplace for schools to say no pudding if you don’t finish your main. Obviously they can’t just break this rule otherwise everyone would think it’s unfair/not listen. My son never adheres to this rule at home so we don’t do it, but it appears to be very effective at school!

As PPs have said, of course they can’t just provide infinite lunches. He could have eaten the sides to the chicken etc at least.

It’s commonplace for schools to say no pudding if you don’t finish your main.

That's not my experience at all. Even those who eat really well sometimes leave part of their main, perhaps a vegetable they don't like, or the potatos are too hard. Expecting empty plates before giving a child their pudding isn't a message that should be encouraged, and would also mean a lot of wasted puddings.

@Kite22

I still can't see why they would let him have some bread and agree that no pudding seems old fashioned and a bit tight.

Why would the kitchen have loaves of bread lying about ?
It isn't a domestic kitchen with stuff in for breakfast, dinner and tea like at home - they are on tight budgets and strict controls about the balance of foods they serve, they don't 'keep stuff in' on the off chance someone might fancy a sandwich at some point.
Many schools literally don't even have the meals cooked on the premises - the meals are delivered ready - but even if they do, it isn't a kitchen like at home.

I too would be surprised he wasn't allowed pudding. All schools I've worked in over the last 20+ years have had the trays where you collect your dinner and pudding at the same time, so it would be in front of him anyway.

Because our school dinner hall always has bread available for the children to have with their dinner if they want it. They offer sandwiches separately "school packed lunch" but they have to be booked.

In my experience there is usually a little bit to spare. There is often a child (or member of staff!) who has forgotten their lunch and something can be found for them. It seems harsh for a 5 year old - personally I would query it if he hadn't eaten anything although I agree it's not realistic to expect kids to be able to change their mind as a general rule.

At DDs school swaps are allowed for reception age only.